My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Saturday, July 08, 2006

To all the Boys I've Loved Before - Albert Hammond-Celly

This was one song my mom used to frown at whenever my dad sang it over at our home Karaoke system donkey years back.

To All the Girls I've Loved Before -by Albert Hammond (click for lyrics)

Ah... Now I remember how the song went. Kinda lovely actually.
However, the words... tsk tsk..
Mr Hammond needs spanking.

Now, for all the boys I've loved before, who still have space in my heart, somewhere. Some has occupied bigger portion than others. Thanks to those who hurt me, Very sorry to those whom I hurt. The former much more than the latter anyway.

This entry is dedicated to those who dare to love, who dare to endure pain, who dare to pick themselves up, dust themselves and love again.

It's also dedicated to of course, the boys, the men I've loved before.

Love itself, is a mystery, a phenomenon, an entrapment, yet to some, the ticket to freedom.
Love can have so many forms, so many faces, so many sides, so many shadows and so many meanings.
Some says love does not love forever, some proclaims theirs do.

But to me, love is almosttt undescribable, almost a delusion.. an illusion.......

Love is when you adore someone's good points and accept his bad points.
Love is when you would do anything in this world to keep that person happy.
Love is when your life starts to revolve around that person.
Love is when you start to lose your mind.
Love is when rational is irrational, when non sense is sense.
Love is when you feel it. You'd just know.

To Kenny,

You were my first love. And they say that first love is the purest and truest. I can't dispute that, especially when I had it with you. We lasted longer than we ever thought we would, didn't we? 6 years was a bloody long time.

There are just endless things that I love about you.
I love how you were so shy to even talk to me when we first met, at Lower School,Concord College, we were only just 16. I love how you called me 'Xiao Bu Dian' because I'm so short and petite. I love how you would do the most crass things to me and laugh it off, including farting in my face when I was sleeping. I love how would let me hug you tight-tight for 5 minutes before we sleep each night. I love how you act cute and repeat every word twice, eat-eat, eggy-eggy, =). I love how you referred to me as your 'ma tzi' to your fellow Taiwanese. I love how you look up to me and adore me in so many ways. I love how you would withstand my tantrums and incomprehensible patterns. I love how you always remind me how cute and adorable I am eventhough at one time, I was 63 kg!
I love how you really, really love me the way I am. I love you for letting me be me and never let me change a thing.
I love how you adore my loud voice and my hyena shrieks and laughter.
I love how you could help me release the innerside of me, the side that died away, the side that was waiting to emerge all along. I love how you wouldn't mind me any other freaking way, with pimples, with tummy, with glasses, with rashes, with ear-spoiling loudness.
I love how you would bathe me in cold water whenever I get very bad rashes.
I love you for standing up for me and my dignity and got into a fight that resulted in a big piece of glass window to break on your skull. I love how you tried to learn Indonesian and then said those words to me, my favourites are of course, 'Malam Sayang", while yours is probably "bego!". I love how only you would understand my every Chinese sentence, especially when noone else can understand. I love you for knowing me so, so well. I love how we say the same things at the same times many times. I love you for being so damn down-to-earth, simple, humble and civilised.
I love you for being so fyucking good looking (*drool*) for looking like Takeshi + Tony Leung, for having 8 pecs, for having the sexiest pelvic muscles ever, for being so drool-worthy on the basketball court, for being MVP at each game, for getting offer to play for England's National Junior Team, and for still being so humble about it all. I love you for being so generous and so willing to spend so much of your pocket money to give me surprise presents, which you really didn't have to. I love you for being so thoughtful and caring, eventhough you overslept my dentist and doctor appointments. I love you for watching the World Cup 2002 with me eventhough we still had that never-ending dispute about how football is boring, basketball is not and vice versa. I love you for running back to me each time we bumped into a huge hurdle, which we faced once too many times in that 6 years. I love you for being so easy to live with, so patient and so sociable, all my friends love you. I love you for being so funny and witty, unafraid to look super stupid to make others laugh, you were always the centre of the crowd, everybody loves Kenny. I love you for being just so damn likeable. I love you for not being able to cook, (darling, your veggies everytime stir-fry until disintegrate already). I love you for giving me the humongous bear bear that could hardly fit my embrace for my 17th Birthday. I love you gave me a ring for my 20th birthday and you were so shy about it that you put it in one huge plastic bag and passed it to me without even looking at me. I love you for wanting to marry me, for wanting me to have your all-boy team for kids. I love you for proposing in 2003 and I still love you eventhough you broke the engagement a month later. I love how we hardly get into any fight cause we are both just so easy-going. I really miss living with you sometimes.
I love how you would always talk about me to your friends with chest swelling with pride, thank you darling. I am very proud of you too. You will be a doctor soon, be a good one okay? I love how you always tell me and remind of how 'perfect' I am. I am glad that at least, to you, I am perfect. I love how you still think so, until now.

I love how you forgave ne, I love how you raced and won me back after I faltered and stepped away. I love you could just love me again and again, more and more.
I love how we went camping up the hill in TaiChung and everything turned upside down, where we camped next to the bustling road and the stray dog took our bbq meat away. I love how you would remember exactly what I like to eat and drink and take the liberty to buy them for me before I even asked for it. You still remember I like yam and dan bing? The memories of us are endless, we agreed about that last week didn't we? Our foolish, younger days...

I will never forget them. You gave me the best days of my life. My growing up days. Priceless. I will always love you and I hope you are happy always.

Though sometimes, I do wish that you were more driven as a person, more responsible, with a more directed function in life, rather than spending your days with not much aim nowadays. I wish you were more loyal too. =) But you told me you're a changed man now, so.. I am happy for you and Connie. And please stop comparing me to your new girlfriend (s), it would upset them!

If anyone asked again (Clement asked once), " Wouldn't you want somebody to love you just the way you are?"

I guess I would answer , " Yes, Kenny once loved me exactly that way, I was how blessed"

My friends still think that we will end up together again one day, but seems like fate hasn't been on our side for the longest time. So, =).

To Kenneth,

I have now met a man who could treat their girlfriend like a business entity. An investment. I know you told me you loved me, eventhough in the end, you decided to re-mortgage the love and pay in installments!

Your New Year wish 03/04 was for me to be your wife and I had sad, "Done".
You wanted to marry me, no doubt. But, darling, you wanted a trophy wife. I am not sure you ever really loved me. You were the most MCP boyfriend I've ever had, you were a little too controlling and dominating.

But I did love you. I love you for being reliable and generous. I love you for trying to open up your frozen heart to love me and warm up to me. I know you've beens single and loving it the previous 2 years. I love you for taking me across the NSW plains with your baby Honda CBR600, although racing bikes are hardly meant for passengers, my knees cramped =). I love how you just know so many things about so many bloody things. I love how your friends lovingly call you 'Heng Tai". I love how you are such a man-man. I love how you are a HongKie yet a Singaporean, yet an Australian. I love how you love your mom, though I know you're too cold blooded to show sometimes. I know I called you cold blooded reptile last time, I still think so!
I love you for knowing me so well and trying to change my bad habits, including , my untidiness, sloppiness, half-fyuck-half-fyuck attitude and clumsiness. I love you for letting me be the good wiefy at home and serve you like a king. I am sorry about the green laundry and the melted pans though =).

I love it when ,at one time, you came home from work, found the apartment filled with smokes from the oven and grill coz I was grilling satays, but all you said as you closed the door, ever so calmly, was "Honey, you didn't call the fireman ah?" and then you'd kiss me , "So, what did you burn today?"

I love you for dressing me up like a doll, though I hate it when you dissed my dress sense and threw away my Guess Boots! I love you for generously spending on me, not because I wanted them, but because at that time, I could not afford such luxuries to have the lifestyle you wanted to experience with me. I love you for being so smart and driven, so sturdy and confident, though nearing cocky. I love you for being such an amazing lover.

However, I wish you could be less controlling, less of a dictator, more of a caring friend. I wish you would listen to my problems and instead of scolding me, speak to me sweet nothings to soothe the pains. But knowing you, these words are just not in your dictionary!
I wish you would treat me less of a business entity, where I would be an asset when you have become that big-shot business man and need a pretty, sophisticated, smart, capable wife to host your company parties and entertain your business partners.
I am sorry I gave up and I am even sorrier that you wouldn't forgive me until now.
If I were given a chance to turn back time, I think I'd give myself more time and less ultimatum. Sometimes, I still regret not giving us more time.

To Gary,

The craziest love of my life. My dear dear Captain Scary.
Haha.. I don't even know where to start. Loving you was like swimming against the currents, running against the typhoon.
All my friends have graded you F, they have all disapproved. They have all disagreed with me. But I kept going and pushing myself, til the furthest I could. I waited and fought but in the end, we still failed. However, I know that behind that crude, fierce, raw facade of yours, lies a kind heart. Sadly, it must have been marred with scratches and wounds of the past. I wish you would stop looking at life with such bitter, ice-cold eyes now.

Nevertheless, I love you. Heaven knows how much, because I think I stood the most SHITS from you. Heh Heh. You've fed me with wayyy too much shits. I stood your funky mood swings, your rudeness, your selfishness, your DEAD days!, you crazy nights! , your stuphors, your malices, your scandals, your funny fetishes!!!
Even Jason thought that we were perfect for each other cause we are both psychos! Haha..

But still I thought I love you. I thought we connect so well, when you're in a connectable mood of course. I love how we could come up with the most ridiculous witty conversations.
How we would do the stupidest things together, including buying a banana from 7-11 at 4 in the morning and aimed it at the karang gurni man, the construction men and the newspaper man on the road. I love how you pushed me down the slope with a trolley, how we fought with boxing gloves. I love how you would dig my nose and tell me to pawn the shit. I love you would scratch my soles and draw on it. I love how you draw 6 pecs on my tummy. I love how you used to call every day at work for a few hours. I love you for sending the cutest messages which I wouldn't have imagined coming from you, like calling me princess, who would have thought? I love you for being so crass, so crude, so non-chalant about every single damn thing. I love you for being so roaringly funny, for coming up with the sweetest surprises, like those lunches you brought me, I know driving from Sembawang to Boon Lay is no short trip.
I love how you giggle when I giggle, and then kiss my forehead so lovingly. I love how you always say that I am so full of nonsense, with that irresistible grin. I love you would put your arms around my neck and my head could hardly reach your chin.
Then when I go :"I'm so short..", you would go.."I likee.."
I love how you would cook me supper, breakfast and lunches, you have yet to cook me dinner! I love your bacon-asparagus rolls for my New Year BBQ, all my friends loved it. I love you for being one amazing cook. Where's my sambal ikan bilis you promised til now! Also, thank you for helping me move the dining table from Chinatown last weekend, I know it was a bitch. I didn't expect you to be so nice after the storms calmed. *sigh*

But, I do wish that you were more dependable, reliable and civilised. I wished you could be more responsible and sane. I wish you would be more considerate and less moody too (oh Heavens, please..). I wish you could be more courteous and reply more SMS-es!! I thought I could guide you to more happiness, more colours in your life, tidy it up a bit, help you save money, get your sanity back, get you calmed and settled, get you to appreciate life itself again, turn you into less of an egoistical arsewipe, get you off so many horrible habits and social behaviour tendencies. I tried darling, but I think I give up lah. I think. I just don't know why fate keeps making us cross path, making us dance the moments.

Almost forgot, thank you for my Eee-pod, Bb. I know you painted someone's house for 2 days to buy it for me.

Ah, til then.

To Clement,

You are my Mr Perfect. You are. There is hardly anything about you I wish I could change. Though I wish I could turn back time and undo the wrongs I could right. You would one day make someone a very, very, very lucky woman.

I love you for being a man who would honour his every word, a man who wouldn't make empty promises. A gentleman. I love you for being so honest. Ah. Contradictions here, you are honest and real and yet, I love you for saying the right things at the right time. You are mostly politically correct. haha.. in other words, white liar sometimes. Nevertheless, I love you for being so reliable, so responsible, so caring, so warm. I love you buying food for my mom and brother when I had no time to do it cause I was busy with my musical, though you really didn't have to buy so much and so expensive! Thank you. I love you for being so civilised to the people around me, including my brother and took him for supper. I love you for doing all the little things that calls for responsibility. I love you for taking me to that lavish dinner at the Oriental with you parents, brother and his girlfriend. I love you for being just the most civilised, responsible, courteous boyfriend ever.

I love you for having the biggest heart ever!! , for being so considerate, for being so real, so level-headed, so pragmatic, for being a realist, I can't forget your words, "I don't think life is ugly, I just don't think it's that beautiful". If only I were just given the chance to show you that it is beautiful...

I love you for being so articulate, so smart, so intelligent, so knowledgable, so musical, so refined. I love for being witty and for putting grins and giggles on my face every now and then. I love how you care for the needy ones, I love how you dream to retire soon, and concentrate on music and charity. I love how you work so hard for your money eventhough you are born with a silver plate. I love it how you are so generous to me, despite what your friends told me about you, that you were a miser =).I love you for being just so correct, so noble. I love you for being so humble, so down-to-earth. I love you for making all my friends love you. Who wouldn't? I love you for taking me to musicals. I love you for taking me to dinners, lunches. I love how I can talk to you about my problems and you would patiently listen. I love how you were still so keen to see me eventhough I was once in a bad mood.

I love you for hugging me tight to sleep. I love you for waking up whenever I suddenly stirred and woke up in the middle of the night, I love how you would then spoon me again to sleep and tell me how much you love me and how everything will be just fine. I love how you would kiss my forehead. I love how you would kiss my palm and tell me :"You know that I love you a lot, don't you?". I love how you keep telling me again and again how lovely, beautiful and wonderful I am. You have no idea how much in love I was with you, I'd drop 3 bestfriends at Zouk to spend time with you.

I love you for being such a deep thinker, how you think far, though I think sometimes you escalate the mole into a mountain, or maybe it's just me.

I love it when you pluck those guitar strings and serenade me with your husky, sexy voice. I love it how we can work on a song and sing a duet. I love it how we have a common passion in music.

I love how we could generate our own cutesy language, you did say that within 2 months, we could write a dictionary of our own language. I love how you are so sensitive towards me, I love how you try to make efforts to be my ideal boyfriend.
I love how you would wake up in the morning and smile upon me. Your hugs and kisses are the warmest. I love how you would still watch some World Cup games with me eventhough you told me you were not a fan. I love how you would let me be just the way I am.

Sometimes, it still pains me that I'm not the one.

Because that one girl, whoever she is, if you do decide to marry her one day, will get herself the best husband in the entire world.

She will be how lucky. =)

I am a little sad that we could no longer do the things we planned to do. Including our trip to KL, to Jakarta, to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, to do the Quando duet, to go to East Coast and eat.. to go to Brazil Curascharia, to go to your cousin's wine bar....



I am gonna tear liao...

So, question is...

Who do you think I love the most?

And if I do get the chance to go back with one of them,
provided they love me back fully,
which one should I go for?




At 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

I think u should unite back with Kenny.. he did love u very2 much n i think u can make him love u again.. good luck!

At 1:05 PM, Blogger DarrenSoon gently snorted that...

I don't think love can be measured in quantifiable terms. Being an engineer I guess we'll probably never give up the hope of one day putting love into an equation but I'm still a believer that some things don't need answers. You love all of them at one point in your life and as you changed, so did the love you shared with each. This is my 2 chinese Fen worth of opinion. You say you're psycho and volatile but I say you're just living life to the max and being who you are. If the guy can't handle that then you deserve another, no?

At 1:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

The one you love most will be the one whom you will use his surname as yours, the 2 of you will hold hands till the day your hair turn white yet he will still call you Darling and by the side when either of your draws the last breath!!!!!

At 2:10 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

anonymous: hmmm.. what makes u think so leh??
i dont want to sia-suay.. heuhuehue..

darren: my fellow engineer oxfordian, forever want to put everything in equation!!!!!!
sometimes.. theres always the random theory u know.. i dunno what or who i deserve, but i will get what i deserve =)

anonymous: hmm.. sometimes not true u know.. sometimes, you just dont end up with the one u love the most. but with the one ure fated to be with. or something..

and words (including darling) are cheap..


wat says u?

At 2:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

I dont believe in fate.. if u love someone.. go for it.. else u will really regret it... if u try n fail, at least u know u tried ;)

At 3:22 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

anonymous:: i think u got fate wrong..

of course.... go for it...! thats making ur destiny.. of coz u can, but if i tried and failed.. means fate is not on our side.. right?
or things just become really really hard ...then not fated rite?

fate always play a part. no matter how small.

dont you think?

At 3:23 PM, Blogger Doreen gently snorted that...

I say, don't be sad and move on Celle. Time will never turn back, the world will never stop for you. So there is really no point looking back on how good your bfs were coz' I believe the one that you end up with will be the BEST among all! (^_^)

At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

I am a little sad that we could no longer do the things we planned to do. Including our trip to KL, to Jakarta, to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, to do the Quando duet, to go to East Coast and eat.. to go to Brazil Curascharia, to go to your cousin's wine bar....

This part i totally felt how you feel. Am feeling the same way now.. sad that everything planned can never be fulfilled and at the same time, i dont wish to fulfill it with other people, the feeling would be different then.

Anyway, hope you be happier someday with someone who can last till the ends of time. :]

At 4:58 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

doreen: Amen

anonymous: Amen also.. or manymen


At 5:03 PM, Anonymous cheekyangel gently snorted that...

From what you have written,I think you really gave your all when you love, and that's remarkable. loving each of them with that flaws and all, you can be Mother Theresa. (please dun, cuz lots of guys will be disappointed) that's this like you never have been hurt before, dance like nobody is noticing you,..(I forgot the rest) well, i think you are brave to take the risk and love wholeheartedly again after each breakup.

I got the feeling that there is a tinge of sadness and regret in your blog. maybe you love all of them, but just want only one of them (anyone of them or in your heart of hearts, there is one you love the most??) to love you totally and spend the rest of life together.

if you discover who is your true love (but please dun choose captain scary - just my personal opinion, cause I think at least I make a better choice than him. haha.) dun hesitate to try to get him back - through seduction, love potions, and watever means. Go for it!

At 5:04 PM, Blogger DarrenSoon gently snorted that...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:06 PM, Blogger clover gently snorted that...

like anonymous. I found myself feeling the same way as u do, in a strange way.

For me, i am thinking more either my first or last one.

So, my guess will be either Kenny or Clement. am I right?

At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Hahahaha..! From that very, very, very, long history on your bfs, it seems like you've tasted every kind of men characters there are. So, what's left on the menu? Sss...:]
It's obviously pointless to give you 5 cent advice on what went wrong or right in your love life since you've already made it damn LONG & clear. Neither is it right to tell you what kind of man you should be looking for, since you've already stated damn LONG & clear what's your ideal man should be like. Sss...:I
So, I guess the only thing I can tell you is, good luck in your quest to find your love. Sss...;)

At 7:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

who can u not live without and see yrself growing old together with him?

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Horny Hero gently snorted that...

that was a jolly good post. flashbacks of my exes came back, and there was a little bit of each of your relationships that have somehow encompassed the whole 'love' thing, although i dont really know what that is anyway.

sheesh i dont even know what i'm saying. perhaps it's that sense of... familarity (?) that perhaps most of us can connect with. it leaves that nostalgic bitter-sweet after taste (after thought, rather).

At 12:33 AM, Anonymous JC gently snorted that...

Celly, based on many living examples, including myself, i came to realise that one always ended up with the second best.... the best is always unattainable...

At 12:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

well... i think u should just let nature take its course. Anyway, it's always nice to reminisce all the good times u had with ur ex. but who knows, maybe there is someone out there who is even better for u.

At 1:53 AM, Anonymous lip gently snorted that...

ah! Talking about being all heartwarming? *chuckles* Looks like you're getting all into the lovey dovey mood too! *smirks*

Well, Sometimes, good things pass you by so better things could come your way, babe!

Anyway, i started reading your blog thru some infamous news unfortunately. However....

I still think what you and the rest did to that whom I shall not mention woman is indeed called for. I have never seen someone who deserved it more then she did. okay, end of story.

Good luck to you babe, in love, perhaps? heh

At 2:31 AM, Anonymous WinterAngelzzZ gently snorted that...

Awww..all ur relationships sounded so sweet..dont fret alright?Ur prince charming will be comin..lovin some1 doesnt mean u need to be w them..its kinda tragic when u cant be the 1 u love so much but its more tragic if u're w a person who u dont even have love for isnt it??
ppl who really love some1 & give all the way~in loving,daring to endure,daring to pick up themselves & love again..i guess in some ways im like tat..& for u as well??
if by any chance u'll be comin to Sydney/ tell me alright??I'll love to bring u ard.. =)

At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Giant Rascal gently snorted that...

From what you wrote, definitely Kenny. There is so much love & passion you pour into the "letter" for Kenny. Plus You've been together since you were 16 & for 6 years. During those times both of you guys evolve to fit with each other whether you realise or not. Thus, Kenny is your most compatible partner in the world. You both should find a way to work it out somehow...
Frankly, I'm speaking from experience. I went thru the same stage at about the same age as you. I was together w/ my ex gf for 5 yrs.

At 8:12 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

cheekyangel: hmm.. i spose im one of the stupid ones who cant learn from their lessons.. i will just give all again.. and burn..

love potion.. hm.. now where to get that?? hehehehe.. tell me lehh..

clover: hmm.. first or last huh.. first becoz its the first love.. last becaoz its the freshest on the mind??? i dunno leh... i keep changing my rankings.. but i do hv a tendency to bump into captain scary the most. now and again..
when i know.. you guys must think hes the worst of them all huh?

snake: what did i say my ideal man is like?? hmm.. i dun think i hv a certain criteria tho.. coz it keeps changing rite??

horny hero: whole love thing? hmm.. love is a still a mystery to me eh?? so it made u ponder about ur own love story? what happened then?

jc: second best? hiks.. ok.. so sad ah.. but i think so u now..and they say u nvr end up with ur first love.. thats what they say.. i dunno..

lip: ah.. from that infamous incident.. huehuehue.. oh well.. *shrugs*..
and thanks babe.. i will need a lot of luck to find mr right i think. haha..

winterangelz: ahhh... yeah.. i heard that somewhere.. not everybody will end up with the person they love the most.. i still dunno which one that is anyway.

u see ah, with kenny, we prolly wont fight much i'll be happy, but households will be a mess, hes not the most responsible man, he was into gambling once and he doesnt save and he wont make one steady pillar. unless things really change. but with clement, well.. he will be a perfect husband, i think.. but thing is.. he never ever ever want to get married hahahahha..

and yeahh.. sydney.!! i miss sydney!!!

giant rascal: maybe i shd put up some kinda plan.. win kenny back ah..,he is in shanghai now and he has a gf in US (though rocky right now) and he is taiwanese.. we have a global geographical problem. on top of that.. lots of other things lehh..

and mind u, he was the one who dumped me hor. tho he claimed it was out of love and pure goodwill.. excuses!!!!

At 9:22 AM, Anonymous blackcat gently snorted that...

Your very very late sms reply made me read your latest entry laah. I can only talk about Clement as I've met him before albiet briefly. That guy really gave me a very good first impression laah. Aiyah...too bad he doesn't want to get married.

I had a strange dream...I dreamt that I was one of the guests that attended your wedding!

Anyway, I was around Marina but pai seh to drop by as I thought U were still mad at me laah...Perhaps next time?:)

At 10:20 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

blackcat: heuheuhuehue.. good first impression? what did he do? but he seems like a nice guy right? well he IS a nice guy. i think dun wan get married coz its the wrong girl lah.. not like im dying to get married anytime soon anyway..

so u attended my wedding? who was my groom??

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Giant Rascal gently snorted that...

Geographical problem is pretty tough. You think he still loves you or not? if yes, go to Shang hai in the movie...happy ending or not let the guy up there decide.
His gf in US? (LA is it?)just give me her name & number, I'll take care of it. Surely will fall for me one...wakakaka

At 10:34 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

rascal: love me anot..? i dunno leh.. ask him ah? siao..! i also dunno if i still love him that way, guess will only know when i meet him again. havent seen for 2 plus yrs tho we still talk sometimes. Wah... fly to Shanghai and turn up at his doorstep.. dun even know where he lives liao.. can call and ask lah.. but still... hmm.. a bit siao rite?
but if i do this, i shd blog it ah??? take video too.. hahahha..

like movieee....


girlfren in purdue..taiwanese, quite cute, connie.. heuheue.. but no number.. wah piang.. u take care ah? she's one tough chick tho!
dun do anything bad ah, she's a nice girl!

but hor, fortune teller said that i have yet to meet my mr right. he'll come along soon.. if i become a good girl this one yr....

At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Giant rascal gently snorted that...

Come to think of it, ya lah very siao indeed. But it sounds like a challenge rite. A challenge to know if effort can revive u all's long lost love. Well, I wanna know...& you're the guinea piggy:) Who knows, maybe your siao trip later becomes inspiration to others. Dont forget to take video too, briliant idea hehehhehe.

Walao purdue, so far, so kampong too...too lazy lah...dont worry sista I'm nice boy...I only want to take her drink boba..

fortune teller? forget that crap're Mr. right will come when you're ready..& he's'a already pre-destined by the guy up there...just prepare yourself to be a good wife then the perfect guy will surely pop up...dont forget to deactivate you pop up blocker hor:D..Good luck w/ your love life

At 10:52 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

giant rascal: ah.. ure in LA is it?
kampung ah.? heuhue.. oh well.. yeah.. if i do go on that crazy trip, will def let u know.. but i think not anytime soon. a bit broke.. he wanted to come here in these 2 mths actually, but the plan fell out. i think gf also wont let.. she's tied up his legs and hands.. hahaha..

At 11:12 AM, Anonymous blackcat gently snorted that...

Your groom arr??? He's 3 into one laah...a mix of Nicholas Tze, Takeshi and Richard Gere.....

So meeting up or not??? Hear what my friend has to say obligation...They just opened up one at Jakarta last week. I heard they pumped in 160k there...Aiyah when free call or reply my sms...ok? Who knows U can make better money. Then can fly to Shanghai, LA and other happening kampungs...

At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Giant Rascal gently snorted that...

Yea..Im in LA, the most happening Kampong after Jakarta I guess..
tied up ah? hahahhaa...of cos gf wont quite cute too...unless shes ms universe.
walao got biz investment too hah? when u make more money dont forget youe crazy trip:)

At 3:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hi Celly,

I've been reading your blog on and off for some time, mostly because my friend sent me this pretty amusing entry about you dressed up in different looks for interviews.

Anyway, your last entry was really moving as it also made me think about the things I love about my girlfriend (and most happily my wife-to-be in two months' time).

I definitely don't claim to be an expert on the subject of love. I agree with alot that's been said by the other people who have commented. However, I would just venture, given my limited reading of your blog, that the most important thing for you is to think about what you really want for yourself...

I do not mean to be critical at all...but my sense is that you are still at the stage of life where you need to discover yourself. It is great that you have loved (and most importantly, been able to accept) all these different men. But the very question that you asked about who you should want of the four also shows that you are still not certain of what you want. It is also wonderful that you have such a colorful and exciting life but you may also want to take a break and some time to go find a quiet place (literally or figuratively) to discover yourself.

I think the most important thing for anyone is to learn to love and know themselves. Only then can they love others and others can love them. And once you know what you want, go fight and work for it! I firmly believe that if you know what is right for you and you have the correct attitude, happiness is not so difficult to achieve! =)

I have been extremely lucky in love so far and I hope that you find it some day.

Best of luck
(P.S. also remember that lucky people are usually the ones that have worked for it!)

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Vandalin gently snorted that...

awwwwww.... *sniff* To all the romantics left in this world. Cheers. *proceed to down a half bottle of chivas*

At 3:30 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

blackcat: eh.. im always open minded abt other biz making ventures but i tot he wanna find out abt melilea too? ok nvm.. meetfirst see how.

giant rascal: la. so happening ah.. i got sooooooo many freidns in LA leh.. i wanna go LA also.. ahh.. so excited abt the non existing trip now..

anonymous: oh gosh, congratulations!!! I am always so beamingly happy when i hear people meeting their THE ONE. I hope i can find him someday too.

I suppose you are quite right, i should sit back and think of what i really want.. but i also think that sometimes.. i cant get what i really want, and want what comes along. i dunno..

maybe im just so desperate to be loved? =)

thank you for your advice =) and congrats again!!!

At 3:31 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

vandalin: u go and join AA oredi lah.. everythig also chivas.. hehehee...

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous blackcat gently snorted that...

Actually, he's going to suggest a win-win kind of situation. Do hear him out. Ok, perhaps Thursday or Fiday evening? I'll sms U once he tells me about the timing...

At 4:35 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

friday is bad, unless early evening around town, like 7 ish. let me know.

At 4:40 PM, Anonymous blackcat gently snorted that...

Ok, I'll let him know when I see him tomorrow.

At 7:57 PM, Blogger Chris gently snorted that...

*sob* *sob*

At 8:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

haha who do we think you love the most? It is so obvious isnt it so? Of cos that Clement lar~ You are full of good words for him and seemingly no bad.

Sigh... I wonder how you are feeling now?

I have been together with a guy for many years. He is so good but it's only till recently that he told me for some reasons that he cannot be with me anymore. Reasons that I cant even retort, as those are obviously his fault and not mine. Some reasons that you cant even change it. So what can we say at a time like such? After investing so much love and effort.

Love is indeed very complicated.


Though I very much would love to walk with my head lifted high because life is still full of meaningful stuffs. If only the pain will totally stop.


At 11:01 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

chris: =)

anonymous: it's obvious it;s clement/??? realllyyy??? hmmm.. i dunno leh.. maybe just coz hes the last one lah.. he is the most perfect one tho, i think..

but that doesnt mean i love the most rite? does it? even i dunno!!!

oh well, babe, im sure ull find mr right too.. relationships always suck one way or another.. coz where theres a start.. theres an end... bo pian

cheer up too babe..

At 11:25 PM, Anonymous WinterAngelzzZ gently snorted that...

Clement sound so much like the guy im w right now..he doesnt wanna get married too(its not tat i wanna get married now~but rather is marriage so scary??)!!wat's w all the guys nowadays ar???Im lovin him w all my heart thou I've been hurt loads(why cant he see tat?~all bcos of the past hurt he has been thru doesnt mean im like tt "past" eh~not fair2me *humph*)but I still picked myself up & shower true love to the nx LOVE OF MY LIFE w/o any hesitation..why some ppl cant do tat as well??*sigh*

At 5:52 AM, Anonymous Giant Rascal gently snorted that...

U got sooo many friends in LA? Me too. If you ask Indon in LA, they surely know me one..not that I'm popular just happen to hang out a lot. So contact me if you stop by LA, I'll show u around.

At 8:15 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

winterangelz: babe.. im sorry to burst ur bubble, but when he cant reciprocate or cant give as much.. or cant commit.. or just when some shits arise...I think, it's probably because it's the wrong gurl. nevertheless push urself to the max, like me and captain scary. i tried and tried. at least i know i tried. for some people, love takes a bit more time. but if it still futile.. then.. oh well.. wrong man then..
but like me, i think ure one of those unafraid to love.. respect! =)

giant rascals: wahaha.. drop me an email will u

At 8:18 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

one more thing, he doesn't wanna marry me, simply because im the wrong girl lah. he may not see it now, but if one day he meets miss right, im sure he will marry her and change his direction/value/opinion on marriage.

but not everybody is enough to meet their THE ONE every lifetime..

just hope im one of them and so do you

At 11:54 AM, Blogger Vandalin gently snorted that...

Chivas is healthy. It is anasthetic, kills germs, and brings joy to the masses.

BTW, just found another scotch nicer than Chivas. Yummmmyyy...

Go AA, join you ah?;) How? leg can salsa already or not?!

At 1:41 AM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Hmm! You've obviously stated your ideal man but you seem to not see it, strange? Well, then maybe love is blind! Sss...:}
Maybe you ought to consider loving like the Americans celebrities do. Meet some guy, fall in love with 24hrs to a week, get married & then divorce before the year end. Then move on again to the next marriage. Sss....:]
you kept saying that you give 100% into your love but end up getting burn. So why not let the next guy give you 100% & you decide if you want to burn him or not? Sss...:I

At 8:50 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

vandalin: kills germs, kills the liver too ehuehue..
leg can salsa but very ugly leh cant wear flare skirt.

snake: ahh.. happened b4 also, not good.. burn someone is much worse than get burnt lah, feel so damn bad and indebted abourit..

haiyah.. i think relationship, either burn or get burnt, might as well not start at all hor.,.. not worth it in the end

At 9:34 AM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Worth it or not depends on your point of view. Question is, are you giving up on the hunt? Sss....:I
Maybe, you ought to try being single for a year or so. It might get your perspective on everything sorted out then go back out on the prowl. Sss...;P

At 10:57 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

snake: i also wan be single for a yr..
the last time i said and vowed on that.. i met captain scary a mth later.. basket

At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Ha! Your just a woman. Its understandable. But seriously, maybe you ought to try going single for a short period. Say, a month? Sss...:)

At 3:58 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

snake: ya lahh.. i know i trying!! i tryoing liaoo!! ehh

almost a mth liao..! heh heh

At 5:09 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...



I think I wan Capt Scary leh..

Huehuehue.. WHY LIDAT AH!


But I know it wont happen.. *sigh..*...

He never even said it before...

At 2:26 AM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Girl, you need to go see a shrink! It's just my personal view but I do believed that there's no real LOVE you have for Capt Scary. You just LOVE the fact that he makes your life miserable. You've this thing for being the gf that suffers. Its a sickness, you know. Sss...:)
Your ideal of LOVE is really screwed up. Verbally you know what LOVE should be but mentally & physically you're not doing what you blar, blar, blar, about. Sss...:[
So, seriously, you're currently like a cold turkey in need of a fix & Capt Scary is just popping in your mind. *sigh* Sss...:I

At 11:24 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...


yah.. i wanted to see a shrink too.. but i think hor.. i might drive the shrink bonkers.. then how??

i think i can make the most excuses as to why Captain couldnt treat me the way he should, coz he's just screwed up himself..

compared to the other sane ones, which i cannot make up excuses for.. coz i dont SEE WHY THEY CANTTTT LOVE ME IF THEYRE NOT BLIND OR STUPID!!!

OKay, I am angwy liao.. noe any free shrink?

At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

I don't think the shrink would go bonkers cause they just sit there & let you blar, blar, blar, all you want for 1hr & then they hand you the check to pay $250. You just end up being angry & broke. Sss...:I
They probably are not blind, they most probably can't handle a girl/woman like you. Sss...:]

At 2:20 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

shrinks are rip -off~!! we shd go beat them up!

At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Hahahah! Cely so violent! Sss...:)
Well, look on the bright side, shrinks don't make much money in SG. The ideal of going to a shrink is like going to a priest to confess your sins only difference is that the shrink doesn't absolve you of your sins & of course, they charged you by the hr. Sss....:I

At 9:09 PM, Blogger Birkenstocker gently snorted that...

I can relate to so many things u wrote, I almost teared....

I always tell myself not to look back, but can we? Well, the best thing is to look forward n move on.

I feel Kenny love u most than Clement, from the writing. U love the way Clement is, the things he did, He was Mr Perfect. But u were happiest n ur truest self with Kenny isnt it?

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