My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Yoga Zephyr and The Shit Idols

I went for Yoga class on Tuesday, cause it was subsidised and it was done in the office compound, though about 7 minutes walk from my own working area. It's like $15 for 12 lessons, cheap hor? But I've missed 5 lessons liao.. Haha..

Who said that yoga was for girls or pussies? Man, it's fyucking hard to do, can!!!
The positions are so challenging! Brasket.. like twist here twist there KNS, she kept saying relax, breathe slowly.... my neck gonna break already, my feet about 1 metre above the head and my elbow bent and cramped, then whole body shaking from trying to balance.. you still want me to relax and breathe slowly? KNS

I saw a few guys coming for yoga class too.. ahh. now they know, yoga is not a woman thing, heh. It's not a man thing either! Just so difficult leh! It's an alien thing!
Yoga is probably the most difficult sport a man can take up.

I think you master yoga, you can master kama sutra!

Got Italian Chandelier, Indian Monsoon, Brazillian fountain, French harmonica, Danish braid, whatever lah. (last 4 are my own creations)

In yoga classes, All the positions will probably be covered, got legs above head, neck after leg, head on toes, all the unimaginable combinations.

There was one time when teacher made us plant our butt on the wall while lying down and then made us walk our legs up the wall.

We were stuck in some kind of position where the legs were high up, bent above our heads, soles planted on wall, hips raised, back straight with elbow supporting the body.
The neck was of course, close to being broken into 2.

Then the most suay thing happened to me.

Bubbles of air raised up in my stomach and I let out one pretty decent one.

"Prrrooooott.."

KNN.

I don't know if the Chinaman next to me glanced at me. I didn't dare to look.
I just continued to close my eyes and acted very relaxed.. Haha..
Like, that was just his imagination. Booo!!

Fyuck, some more the music coming out of the stereo was those very serene, tranquil kind, there were mostly breezes and soft waves. So sorry I spoiled it with one typhoon. Hahaha.. at least typhoon noisy but not smerry.

Anyway, I think it was the position's fault lah. Next time if cannot fart (like maybe after surgery need to fart or what), then just copy this position, sure fart lah.


I think I don't want to go for yoga anymore. Next time I go canteen and eat; no face already.. NOt just for the zephyr incident, but for looking like an idiot after working hours in a vast, clear, empty area inside the office. I think a few big bosses walk here and there, so pai seh. I think no promotion liao.


Now, Singapore Idol, *sigh*, what a big boo-boo eh.
Look at the TOP 28 finalists! TOP 28 leh! Is that the best Singapore can do?
I think the producers/judges are a bit fyucked in the head in the first place.

Okay, some are really pretty good!

Rahimah is cute and she can sing, correct, Mathilda rocks too, I love that girl! Gayle also not bad, I like Hady and I thought can give chan to Norman.

Actually, I kinda liked Roslan, a bit the 'ala Taufik' but not quite as polished, but can work on it mah. But noone give him chan. Then let the monkey Joakim Gomez into top 12. Oh well, okay lah, at least not some others.

Jonathan, well.. dont say lah. He my friend mah. He already been singing professionally for as long as I know him. I always thought he can sing, and he got sheh. But, he keylong one lah he! Dick Lee likes him! Hehe.
You see him handsome all that huh, see him as an Alice-In-Wonderland bunny here

Jay Lim hor, wah.. steady bo, this man cried when he got into the top 12. So gan dong! I think he sure won Singaporean hearts liao, especially the aunties and little girls. The guys probably think he's a wuss. I think Jay could win leh. Cause many people saw his softer side and get touched. Plus he can sing wor.. Quite a rare thing in Singapore Idol scene you know?


BUT!!!!! What the fyuck with Primero?
This one is a singing competition or a super-cheesy-lipsync-competition?
Last time he sang one sad-sad love song, the face crunches here and there like want to pang sai but cannot. Lidat can still get the Wild Card and get back into the competition, whats up with that, man?
His voice is completely shower singing standard lor. Or worse. What the judges thinking?

Then got this Tengku guy says he got royal blood line all these, you think people give a fyuck ah? This is not Royal blood competition. You sing with black eye liner but dont need to sound like you got black flu. This one also won't do lah. Too much drama and singing super moderate. I think my gramma sings better.
Then he thinks he's so damn good looking he's gonna pull through with crap singing.

There's this girl kanna eliminated already also..Annabel Lu I think. Very young girl, 17, cannot sing to save her pretty ass, but super angry when the judges say so... Aiyoh.. Very fierce young lady. She sang Sheryl Crow's 'Soak Up The Sun', that one jialat until cannot more jialat. I think she 'Socked Up my Ears'. This is primary school singing competition during Haloween is it? Hallo!!

See Geraldine, she can sing meh? She a bit chio can join New Paper Face all these but dont need to join Singapore Idol lah. Fyuck, waste my time.
Somemore, she super cocky and super immatured, Oops. waht to do, she only 16 de ne.
Thank gudness she's out already, I will puke blood if she got through to top 12. I hear her sing (sorry, make noise) and boast about her being top28 at Acid Bar last few weeks, I almost got goosebumps already. She butchered my favourite song L-O-V-E somemore, she turned classic jazz into a boring, badly sung lullaby. What a sin!

Wan Hua that girl, she actually looks like one MediaCorp artist hor.. Cassandra?

See the picture here

But younger, chubbier, shorter version.
Okay I don't know, but one thing I know. She also cannot fyucking sing. I really give up liao. How come out of 7 in the second round, I can only recall Mathilda singing very,very well and Nurul, Emilee on the safe side. Ah, Meryl went chao-xiaa in the end, my eardrums almost burst. The rest like... I don't know liao. I think I heard them sing one line I ran to toilet to shit already, so didn't have chance to let them shine their powerful noises on me.

I know people who can sing wayyyyyyyyyyyyy better than a lot of these top 28 but they never get through the first few rounds leh. What were the judges thinking? Or the producers? Whatever. They scared all the contestants too good then people dont know how to vote is it? So, must put some lousy ones, so can confirm kanna knock-out but then the parents scared the kids sing so lousy, scared noone vote then no face, so invest in a few more thousands in sms to make sure she still stand equal chance is it? This is all a money scam lah. All about earning from the bloody sms mah.

Please lah. A lot of foreigners all these also watch Singapore Idol you know?
Not pai seh meh? You go see Indonesian Idol, fyucking power one. Everyone of them can fyucking sing lor.. Even Malaysian Idol also not bad sial..

But Singapore Idol is a primary school singing competition!

Why they put people like this in the top 28 ah? Why leh?
Did you know that my singing kakis and friends William Tanoto and Xin Hui of SUperStar finalists were not even through to first few rounds of Singapore Idol 1? This is how deaf and misguided the judges actually were, cause WIlliam and Xin Hui can fyucking sing! But the judges were fyucking deaf. My friend Victor also can sing, he can play guitar, even sing Hokkian opera, but didn't get through the rounds also. They problem leh!

They want bitchy people like me to go and kau bei kau bu about their judgements is it?
Please lor. Waste my time. I always look forward to Wednesday 8 pm leh. Don't let me down lah..



Speaking of singing, I had a gig at Paulaner last Monday. I am the Super SUB! and Imelda was sick.
So happy that Poche and Ming came down upon request. hahaha..
They didn't know this crazy piece of shit actually get paid to sing in pubs. They were quite shocked, basket. I know my speaking voice is how nasal and annoying lah. but dunnid until so blatant mah.


Anyway, that day, I was damn happy to be able to do the rendition of Quando, Quando, Quando ala Buble - Furtado with the guitarist/vocalist David.

It was my first stage-try at the song, after listening to the mp3 on moms's EEeeepod nano many many times.
It wasn't perfect, but not too bad for first try lah. At least now got more guts to try for next super-sub gig.

Weeks back, Clement had wanted me to sing this song with him, to do a duet during his gig or something because we both just fell in love with the song. We were singing it over the radio, in the car and we wanted to practice and sing it for his gigs.

But it never happened, and now I guess it will never happen liao, so it was quite a touching moment in Paulaner.


*hiks hiks...*



How LAH!!!!!!????

I MISS THE FYUCKIN BUGGERRRRRRRRRRR........

Tell you what, he's gonna help me write music for the musical I am writing for New Wave 2007. ThatZ MEAN I will be seeing him a lot leh. Maybe I'd have built up my immunity so much that to me, he will look like Kermit plus Cookie Monster by the end of the year. Hope so lah. Else I would cry everytime I see him leh.

"Sing that line again leh", he would urge.

I would be sniffing already,

"Excuse me."

Then I would run to the bathroom and cry for the next half hour, wailing "WHY WHY WHY?" and when come out, I'd have to say my contact lens got problem, that's why eyes so red.

If that day wear my speccies then jiarat liao.





___________________




Before I end...

I got honest confession, last time I kinda picked up Captain Scary.
Heheh... Actually not such a surprise right? Eventhough, in truth!!! I Don't Normally pick up guys one lorrrr... if I see him shy I also scared he pee in his pants and if he seems like a bad ass I'd think he only wanna get into my pants.

But Captain was so aloof, he was like bad ass but shy. So, this was an exception. Maybe it was FATE! Hahaha.. I've been eyeing on him for the longest time in Riverine before this lah..

I don't know why I was so aggressive that day, maybe Love at First Sight. *Ptui*...

But I think quite cool leh, like a scene out of a Hollywood movie or sumsing.. maybe Sharon Stone can act my part. =)


And anyway, this is how I picked up Captain Scary:


"

It was getting late that night, the bunch of them headed towards a noisier place. The drinking session just got to second stage.

They've only met a few times. They hardly knew each other and they were both out of their sanity.The sparks were unmistakable and the glares were as fierce as they were frequent.

They were now across each other and he was pouring Chivas into her glass. The thumping of hip hop music was reverberating, everyone around them was pulsating, jumping, making noises.

Somehow, the air between them stayed still, but unmistakably charged.

He sat back comfortably in the big, red, trendy armchair. He propped one leg up on the chair’s low arm casually and smiled.

" This is the most comfortable chair in the whole goddamn club", he exclaimed.
She replied his smile and tilted her head slightly.
She then leaned over and whispered huskily into his ear,

"Is it comfortable for two?"

Almost straight away, he spread his legs wide open and moved his butt towards the corner of the seat, welcoming her warmly into his lap.

And the Rhumba started.

It seemed like ages before they both came up to the surface for air again.

She cheekily took the ‘Reserved’ sign and pulled it up to her right chest, smirking.

He leaned over and questioned,

"Hey you know what I did the last time Jason did that?"

"Nope"

"I took it away and spanked him with it" He winked a naughty wink.

"Are you gonna do the same to me?" Naughty wink, for a naughty wink.

"I’d love to…"

"Go on then…"

They dived in for more Rhumba..


At the stroke of 12, She had to leave in a rush and she left an earring behind.

That was how she was known as Cinderella thereafter and he, the prince who found the matching earring.

He met her again one day to return the earring and he started calling her eversince and he was hoooookeddd.. He even drove from all the way North to all the way West to pass Cinderella her Burger King lunch. Nice mah. No?

And..........

They lived miserably ever after.




---




HAHAHAH!

And now you may say, I am the scary one.

By the way,

Oh mangggg it's so cheesyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....



Okay lah... so long, farewell.


Adieu Adieu Adieu...

14 Comments:

At 11:49 PM, Anonymous WinterAngelzzZ gently snorted that...

Totally agreed w u bout Spore Idol contestants..there's loads of contestants who really cant sing..i mean there's loads of other ppl out there who can fair better than the contestants but why arent they in the show??*sigh*(only got to watch a lil of Spore Idol(Wildcard part only cos am just back 4rm a short Uni break4rm Aussie but they really cant sing eh..the only ppl i feel can sing are Norman & Mathida..Gayle's not bad too) =)
Celly are u a professional singer??Hope to hear u singing in person someday =)

p/s:when i try to click on the link of SUGARBF..it doesnt seems2be able to go to his blog..its will always appear as "cant find the page"

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

winterangelzz: hey hey, yeah i sing proffesionally but not as full time job, maybe next time come down ?=)

welcome back to spore!

the sugarbf link is faulty? i will check on it.

 
At 8:38 PM, Anonymous WinterAngelzzZ gently snorted that...

Where will u be singin??& when??maybe I can go down to support u b4 goin back to aussie =)

How's ur wound??gettin better now???dont eat any seafood alright?get well soon!

p/s:Im 4rm Msia(now still in JB) but been studyin in Spore since young & currently in Aussie~confusin eh??hehe =b
will be in spore tomolo(Fri)till sun..so maybe can go dw to hear u sing?

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

Well, i shd be in paulaner again this monday, unless got changes.
my wound, well.. its kinda better.. but i think sure will leave scar.

ah ure ard for the weekend only? =(.. i will be moving house.. so mafan u know? so which part of aussie? what u studying there?


cheers

 
At 9:22 AM, Anonymous WinterAngelzzZ gently snorted that...

hmmm..dont worry too much on ur wound ya..I mean right now the technology in medical term is so advance now..it can be remove! =)

yea..i'll be ard durin wkend bcos my dad(traditional chinese dad~if u know wat i meant)kinda still strict w me..yea i know movin hse so ma fan!!esp the 1st tx(time) movin&findin accomdation in Aussie..gd thing's my older bro is w us(me& my sis)In NSW..currently major in Medical Science(Phamaceutic Science)..*stress*
hmmm..if this tx i cant see u sing..maybe nx tx round when im back I can see u sing eh =)

for now..dont think too much on ur wound & be happy always ya! =)

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

winterangelz: sydney eh? so fun. i miss sydney =)...

yeah.. actually i dun care if got scar lah.. my legs so ugly oredi anyway..
hahaha
well.. have a nice weekend here yea babe!!!

and..medical sciences *brrr..*.. haa =)


pack me in ur suitcase on ur way back to sydney, will ya??

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

winterangelz: sydney eh? so fun. i miss sydney =)...

yeah.. actually i dun care if got scar lah.. my legs so ugly oredi anyway..
hahaha
well.. have a nice weekend here yea babe!!!

and..medical sciences *brrr..*.. haa =)


pack me in ur suitcase on ur way back to sydney, will ya??

 
At 6:30 PM, Anonymous Snake gently snorted that...

Hmm! Knew a friend who could sing & he went for the try out for SG Idol this year. Most contestant sang only 2 songs, he had to sing 3. He screwed up on the third song, unfortunately, so they kicked his ass out. He's not bitter about it, though, cause he plans to give it a shot again at SG Idol3. I guess its cool that he's got a dream for it but I'll shoot him if he sings at work. Sss...:I
BTW, you've proven that yoga are really for wussies. Real MAN can't bent, its just not right! Sss...:}
Ooh! Are you planning on becoming a serial "pick-up vamp", who goes about picking up guys for the heck of it? I guess it'll be interesting but dangerous. Lately got alot of mad Singaporeans out there. 1 of them even mad enough to slash 2 plain cloth policemen, asking to be shot on sight! Alot of policemen in moroon beret looking for madman, hard to said how many of them got itchy-trigger-finger? If the madman get caught, sure have nice time drinking coffee with CID. Sss...:L

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger Patrick JJ gently snorted that...

Hi Celle,

What you said is right loh... Singapore idol 2 now have became "Singapore idle 1" I didn't even waste much of my time watching it. All i do was tape it and fast forward to crap singing and watch the results. haha... my personal fav is Jay lah.. but i don't think i will vote for any lah.. In Superstar, Xin Hui is my fav but not hearing much from her now... does xin hui have blog of her own... hope to read her blog leh... Lastly, your blog so power sia....it rocks...

 
At 5:22 AM, Blogger emma gently snorted that...

xi guan already, s'pore idol every year also cannot make it la. haha. and jonathan looks damn cute in that bunny suit! ha.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

snake: ahh.. no lah.. what pick up vamp... i said it was an exception ok... i normally do not pick up guys at all. only maybe look and give subtle hints... tho sometimes not too subtle coz i am too loud hahahahhaa

patirck: aoorr.. thank you... yeah i love xin hui too, shes great.. and sooooooooooooooooooooo much better than kelly.. PLEASE LOR!!! hmm i dunno about her blog but she got friendster..

emma: huehuehe.. ok i tell him when i see him.. hahahahhaa... cute ah.. hahaha..

n ya man.. singapore odil SUX big time eh

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

sorry, odil= idol.. anagram ok?

 
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