My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Happy Fadderrsh Day


Wasn't it 18th June?

It was actually also my two(2) month anniversary, but since boyfriend does not give a hoot about time-wasting, money-wasting and boh-liao stuffs like that, I put the thought aside (actually saved me money also, don't need to buy pressie all) and went:

"Hey, It's Father's day this Sunday!!! I think I might still have a father!!"

After composing the greeting phrase for some time, I typed a text message and sent it to dad in Jakarta.

"It's Father's Day today in Singapore, So happy Father's Day!! Wish you good health always!"

Fuss free, to the point, simple and courteous. I couldn't type it the way I really wanted it. With pink coloured hearts and balloons and confetti. I wasn't exactly expecting a reply, though it would be nice.

Since, he's either busy with his perky KNNCCB mistress, or his business ventures, or counting his money, assets and debts or busy calculating how much his kids blew on the credit cards, or or just busy with his bruised ego and in the 'nursing his failed marriage' era.

I really wanted to say :" Happy Father's Day Daddy, I love you. I always will"

But I couldn't. Maybe it's my ego, maybe I'm shy, maybe I just don't wanna be disappointed of the response. I don't think he gives a damn either if I did say 'I love you'. Though my brother thinks he would.
My mom thinks that he would be "touching". She meant 'touched', really.
Mind her England, she's damn cute.

I was like :" He would be touching? Touching what??"

Mom:" Touching his heart lah.."

Bro Wit: "Nah, I think it's way lower than the heart".

May all these blasphemy and unfilialness and rudeness burn me and my brother in hell.

We say things we don't mean. So, I don't know. We are still angry with our dad but we know we still love him. We felt bad making fun of him. I mean, with all due respect, my dad is my dad and he's way cool and he's my DAD!!! HE IS !!!! GODAMNIT!!! WHEN IS HE GOING TO ADMIT THAT HE HAS 3 KIDS THAT HE HASN'T FATHERED FOR YONKS!!

Okay, fathered just sounds wrong, I didn't mean impregnate or what. I mean, you know what I mean lah. He's like a provider, or semi-provider, not exactly a father.

I wish he was a tyrant, a mentor or an abusive egomaniacal father who spanks the kids and drove them up the walls if the kids fail to be #1 in class. I wish he'd scold us for every little thing we do, like dirtying the couch or soiling our feet or burning our nosehair with his lighter, or for watching porn when underaged, or for running away with his car or for growing pimples. For absolutely ANYTHING!

Instead, he just doen't give a flying SHIT what we do at all. Let alone how we feel.
He probably doesn't know what I do, what I graduate with or what we like to eat, or what we are like, whether we have boyfriend-girlfriend, whether his one or two of his kids have turned homosexuals, whether they have turned into drug addicts, whether we've been jailed, whether we've died and gone to heaven a few times.

Maybe he does.

I don't know.

But if he is aware of any of these, he definitely didn't and doesn't show any response or concern.

If my memory does not fail me. I actually have a cool dad, or at least I used to have.
He was funny, he was wise, he was inspiring, he was multi talented, he was fun, he was interesting, he was awesome. Just plain awesome. Cool dude.

Dun the fyuck know what happened to all that.

By the way, he did reply.

A simple, courteous "Thanks".

So, that's that.

Okay, change subject. Before I jab down that sharp chopstick from lunch down my left neck (don't ask me why left side). Today I feel so fyucking unloved.

In fact, these day I feel so fyucking unloved. Just the other day, my brother slammed the cowboy door at Wrench Saloon in my face.

Nobody loves me.

I think you should know how sad and explosive I am a person by now. I am fyucked up to the nine. Aorrr..

Today I want to die.

In a minute I want to fly.

In an hour, I'd say the sun is shining..


I tried Jerry's BBQ at Jalan Kayu with Crrrement last week.

Have you heard of Jerry's? They do femes, MEAN, FYUCKING SPICY buffalo wings.

Crrrement's been talking about it before we even got together, so we finally went. I think he's trying to tick off everything on the to-do list so that I'll finally free him. That sneaky rascal. (God, I don't want to love him, please free me!!!!)

Mr Brown talked about it as well-- read it here

I took some pictures (Fyucking painstaking to upload as the bloody blogger keeps hanging.. or something is wrong with this thanggg)

So whatever, no pictures lah, I tried to upload 10,000 times liao.

So, Just read their reviews lah , here's one by NTU.


The buffalo- chicken wings were hellish, devilish HOT.
Dunno why buffalo-chicken. Is it a special type of chicken or a special type of buffalo's wings?
Or would it mean the chickens from Buffalo, U.S.A.


But, truly, madly, deeply very the spicy.

Really don't pray pray! I am Indon, I eat chilli as main dish and I was still close to tears, my lips were swollen and my eyes were twitching throughout.

Anyway, I told Clement that Jerry's wings were awesome.

I muttered: "Should take girlfriend here when arguing ah. Spicy until she sure keep quiet".

He answered: " Dont want lah. Skali she don't want to eat, will LOSE big time"

Heh heh. Why is he so smart all the time.

Anyway, I kept quiet most of the time that dinner. My mouth was busy blowing air in and out to chill the spicy air. Actually, that way, the sensation would be amplified, i.e spicier. It was a painful but exciting experience. I must say it was pretty addictive too. I think, naturally, those who love spicy foods are addicted to pain of some sort, because technically, that spicy sensation is categorised as pain.

**I have concluded that people who LOVE and cannot live without spicy foods, chilli, japalenos and hotx3 sambals, like me, are generally people who are risk takers, adventurous, romantic, addicted to pain to a certain extent thus unafraid to love and give all, and are prone to falling in love; in the style of falling off the edge of a cliff, if you know what I mean**

We da pao-ed some Jerry's chicken wings (Chef's Challenge) for bro, mom , Jac and Sham to try and they all KANNA the explosive treatment. Powerful sial..

Last but not least, I cut my hair liao. Very short. Very KAWAIII, on the verge of disgusting.
Gary thinks I look like a mop. My brother thinks I am a Jap wannabe who cannot make it, "It's just WRONG!!"
I think I feel even less of a woman. I am already how un-womanly. I didn't know things could get worse.
Mom did the 'I told you so' thingy cause she told me I would regret.
Jackie thinks it's okay, it's a big change though.
Crement was indifferent, just like how he is about a lot of things about me.

Broody heow.

Okay. No more wailing.

I will put up pictures of me with my new mop of hair.

And right now, I want to die again.

My mom is getting cheeky.

Everytime I wail to her :" Mom.. I want to dieeee.."

She'd go " What colour?"


I want to die..


At 1:08 PM, Anonymous Jay "Anticipating" Walk gently snorted that...

Short mop?

Dang. Now I am curious!

At 1:29 PM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

Don't die lah. Life is beautiful and so are you. *winks in a strictly platonic manner*

At 2:14 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

jay walk: curious ah.. then how?
just look at the mop u have at home. imagine in black, put on my head. ditto.

adrian: ad.... i used to think that life was beautiful. It was always beautiful when there was love. love maketh life beautiful.

But now, I cant feel love. I am not beautiful and my life is no longer beautiful.

Now i dont want to die, also you'd want to kill me.,., heh heh.

At 11:54 PM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

!!! I cut my hair so short I could spike them up like a man once.

It was cool for a while but then the "i am sooo not a woman" kicked in very fast...

But then again, have fun with ur hair while it's short! They say women cut their hair for only one reason but, live once, live hard.

At 8:32 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

gabrielle: whats that ONE reason then??

At 1:57 PM, Anonymous mkmk gently snorted that...

ur mom dem farnie

At 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

you and your feisty external character... would not die one.

But then deep down, everyone wants to, esp now...

Time will heal lah. Live life

At 2:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

you and your feisty external character... would not die one.

But then deep down, everyone wants to, esp now...

Time will heal lah. Live life

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

I seriously doubt that. :)

At 5:35 PM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

supposedly its --- out of Love.. or some shit like that.

At 8:11 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

mkmk: u go tell her lah. now she lookin for boyfren.. u know anyone who likes a perfect, beautiful 44 year old who looks 24?

anonymous: i know.. im just the drama queen.. heh heh

adrian: wat u doubt dude? me dying? heh heh..

gabrielle: normally big changes make us cut hair lah.. heartbreak or somesort.. but not all u know... some really just for the fun of it. spur of moment or think very long liao.

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Vandalin gently snorted that...

No. Hot. Stuff. Ketchup. Now that's good stuff.

Gimme deep fried, atery clogging, heart attack inducing chicken wings ANYTIME.

At 5:22 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

vandalin: u suicidal eater!

At 11:36 PM, Anonymous WinterAngelzzZ gently snorted that...

my best friend has the same thing happened to her when she was lil' & till now the scar is hauntin here..Really do take care of ur wound..try not to eat any dark colored food..(eg:dark soy sauce~donno whether its true anot..its an old granny's myth..better be safe than sorry eh)

a "silent" reader of urs =)

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Jonh Neo gently snorted that...

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