My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Faraway Land Tale (Part IV)

ALamaakggg abraacaadraabraa

*Faraway Land got no cleaners one*

Please read part 1 here
part 2 here
part 3 here
(all are compulsory pre-req)


Captain was staggering across the pier, drunk and of course moody.
He smelled like belachan plus rotten pomphret.
He kept thinking. "Princess Silly, princess sillly.."
Her images floated around in his troubled mind.

How wonderful life would be if she was always around, chattering about him, adding myriad of colours into his charcoal- dark, badger-sad life.
How wonderful.
So, he went to the nearby rose bed and plucked a few stalks. He picked those with many thorns and dried up petals. He’s got no taste in flowers, nor is he romantic in the slightest sense.
(just like most men, unfortunately)
Earlier in the evening, he had sniffed basket-covered cow dungs through a thin straw
(it's like olden times cigar like that).
So, when he smelled the roses and he got even higher.
His head was spinning, his thoughts in a maze.
Everything was a blur. Like in desert with no water.
He wanted to start rehearsing his love vows, but he didn't know how.
He didn't know what to say.
He didn't know what to do!
"Should I bend down? Should I bow to her? Should I kneel? Hmm.. or..
Should I lie down? Should I....??
Should I pick her up from the floor?? hmmmm..
Should I...????Should I do what??? ....
Captain got bad mood again. =(
I told you, he's impossible.
He was so angry with himself,
he started to tear down a few trees (small flowery ones, chey hor?).
He also squeezed a few rubber duckies floating by the shore.
They made sqeaky sounds and he was annoyed even more.
His wrath is God-Forbid-ly insatiable.
"Farking noisy ducks", he swore under his breath.
He strutted along and he saw a familiar figure behind the sea-washed corals.
An achingly familiar figure.

Princess Silly.
She was bending over. (no, NOT like that, you sewerage for brain!)
She was bending over to pick up some daisies in the little garden by the sea. (use your imagination).
She was wearing peculiar clothings. Some ropes for a belt and some fish nets for a veil (must be smelly) and some tent for a frock. She was unGodly-ly ugly.
Captain Scary was baffled.
"What in heaven's name was she thinking?"
Princess was also bending down in a weird way, she doesn't kneel or squat to pick up the flowers. She tiptoed and bent over, and then she would try to balance her weight, such that she wouldn't land her cheeks in the sparse daisy bushes.
Weird indeed.
Captain could only smirk.
"The love of my life", and so he thought.

He walked over and he surprised her from the back by aggresively scratching the rose thorns at the back of her neck.

At which, she screamed so loud
that all the birds and ducks started flying Southbound for spring break.

She turned around and saw HIM.

"Caapp.... Caapptainn Scary...."

"That's my name, Princess".

Captain ate KangKong the night before and he still got some stuck in his front teeth.
Princess giggled at the sight and thought he was irresistibly adorable.

"Whaa.. Whaatt,, could you possibly be doing here? At such undecent hours of the day? Monsieur"

"Ermm.. it's sunrise time, Madamme"

"Indeed it is, you should be asleep!"

"I couldn't"

"You couldn't sleep? Oh, but why?"

"Because.. My mind's in a murky puddle, Princess.."

"Hmm.. Why would that be? Pray tell me..".

"Because of you Princess, I couldnt help not thinking about you... and thinking about what I should say next...right this moment..."

(I know... getting fyucking cheesy, right? You gonna throw eggs at me?
Better make that the bi dan eggss ohrr! My fave..)

"Well, what were you going to say, Captain??" Princess helped.

Captain looked down to the ground and spotted some ants busy working at a tree stalk. He smiled and looked up at his Princess. Their eyes met.

His very words were:

" Princes, I … err.. ..
Err... I've been thinkingg... You know... I mean... YOu are just.. so... ,, you know.. you are like the bossoms.. erhh.. I mean blossoms.. you know.. fresh.. and... you are cheerful and shiny.. just like the buns.. erh I mean the sun.. yeah..
Eerrr...I think..
Ermm... Princesss...ssss....sssss....ssssss....."
Princess looked hard at him, he looked like he was trying to shit a brick out.



" You're trying to bonk me, is it?"

"Er, that would be nice!"
"Why don't you just say so??!!! You, silly old man!"

"Oh, Princess... I LOVE YOU!!!!"

"Oh Captain.. " She was lost for words.. " Ermm.. that's good to know..."

" mean.. don't you love me??????????"

"Ah, no lah.. act cool only... of course I do.. "

"Oh Princess..."

They broke into a couple dance.. (Banghra movie style)

(picture not quite appropriate, I know, sue me)

Princess Silly and Captain Scary strolled along the shore, back to the village,

with the ravishing sunrise in the background,

hand in hand.

They couldn't keep their hands off each other.

And they lived happily Ever after.


*Play " When I fall in Love", by Nat King Cole…. *











Sorry, you believe it ended like that?
I beg your pardon. There’s no such thing as ‘Happy Ever After" in this world.
There’s only, "Whatever after".
So. Let’s wheeze back to the story before that silly phrase "Happy Ever After".
To minimize your confusion, we are now at the part when Captain declared his undying love to Princess.
(Which of course was half a lie, there’s no such shit as undying. In fact, I don’t even know there’s such thing as love. I tell you ‘happy ever after’ is fyucking boollllocks…)

Let’s make this more interesting, I’ve never done an interactive story telling before. Muahaha…
The story's destiny shall lie in your hands...
So, here goes...

After the sunrise and all the commotion and declaration of love vows and all that shits.
Princess Silly:

1. Met a much much hunkier captain, Captain PITT, on board the most magnificent ship, which just arrived at the shore.
2. Died of laryngitis (damn serious case one)
3. Found out that Captain Scary was actually Captain Scully. ( of X FILES fame)…and that’s THE SECRET!
4. Found her lost ‘pearl of the angels’, transformed into a fat cupid and flew back to the heavens above.

Let’s take a poll..
Whichever option is most popular, I shall use to continues…. AND YES I WILL CONTINUE EVEN IF YOU CHOOSE 2!!!!!!! I AM HOW IMAGINATIVEEEE!!!!

(to be continued…)

Written byL: Auntie*elly- that bored, stupid, old tart

Or seriously. You guys, is anyone even following the story?
I miss blogging. Forget it for awhile lah hor…
This is not an autobiography, okay.
You think if I file all these shits up into a novel, people would buy?
You'd rather just read it for free online, right?
Cheapskate twats!


At 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Fongseng rocks:I vote 2!!!!!

At 9:32 AM, Blogger CyBorg gently snorted that...

Hey Celly... gue sih lagi follow up on ur stories!
Do keep it coming babe!

Ok.... i want the part princess become fat cupid! Which then falls in love with a mortal in Capt Pitt, who died of larygitis and found out that Capt scary is actually Scully!

At 9:50 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

fongseng? heuheuheuhuehue

cyborg: imran... ehh.. i said CHOOSE ONE LEHHH

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Alex gently snorted that...

wahhh....HK ah. shiok. rem to buy some lao por ban for me. hehehe... as for tiesto, well, i'll enjoy on ur behalf. hue hue hue...

At 4:43 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

urghhhh... i also wanna go... my veins are beating to his tunes leh.. i will diee..... stupidddd stupidddd

At 8:33 PM, Blogger WhiteShepherd gently snorted that...

No No No!! The ending of the story should be... 5.) He is so overcome with love that he admits to her that he is actually a handsome, wealthy prince. He only dressed that way because he wanted to be weird enough for her to love him. All the weird things he said to her that she fell in love with were actually being dictated to him by Steve Martin hiding in the bushes. Since honesty is never the best policy, she is disgusted by his normality, and throws the roses in his face. One of the thorns pricks him on the nose, and since he is a hemophyliac, bleeds to death and dies. The princess then elopes with the rubber ducky, and they live miserably ever after.

At 8:36 PM, Blogger WhiteShepherd gently snorted that...

P.S. I know piles aren't so bad. I've got one...his name is Timmy.

At 1:02 AM, Anonymous troubadour gently snorted that...

I vote all of the above... and more. Let your spastic imagination go wild. The captain and the princess should go flying off into the sunset in a blaze of surreal glory and amidst untamed confusion.

At 8:14 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

shephers: kudos to you. i think you should go ahead and write kids lullaby stories

troubadour: all the above would be too confusing lah

At 1:52 AM, Blogger makanmonkey gently snorted that...

i choose... wah lau ur choices also like no choice... what iffff.... the pirate's parrot kena bird flu?

At 9:16 AM, Anonymous fool gently snorted that...

it's very common to end a story with a death of one of the main characters (indon 20-30's style.) but the way he/she dies might be interesting. i vote 2; both died because of some STD, not because of laryngitis. that way, you can throw one morale of the story: use protection if you want to play-play with an unearthly looking creature. :)

At 8:33 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

makanmonkey: heh? bird flu i think taht time non existent tho.. i hv to sync with the period lah

fool: err dy, that morale a bit overtaught. hope got ppl listen

At 8:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it


Post a Comment

<< Home