My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Faraway Land Tale (Part II)

Afff moorrrkaaffutahekthh..


(Captain Scary is hunkier and smaller that this fat pig)


Read Part 1 here (compulsory pre-requisite)

Funnily enough, Captain Scary’s blatant stares didn’t seem to bother Princess very much.
In fact, she found them rather disturbingly sensual.
Eventhough, they were actually very demeaning stares, not the sexy ‘come hither’ kind.
Weirdly, the stares made her blush sometimes (weird bitch), and the slight hue would make her looking less of a dead mummy.
Naturally, Princess started frequenting the village pub more often than before.

So, one day, as she sat by the bar alone,
and as Captain Scary was staring scarily from the corner bar,
Captain Scary started ordering some pale beer for Princess.
Corolla beer.
One after another.
One after another.
She thought, maybe he wanted to apologize for the rude stares, or perhaps he was trying to get her intoxicated and thus work up her frock. She accepted them anyway and she decided to thank the scary man.
.
"Thank you for the beers," Princess started.
Not surprisingly, Captain just continued to stare, then he broke into the most awkward smile, almost cringing kind. "He wasn't trying to scare me, maybe that’s just his style", Princess thought to herself.

"So, what really do you do?", she tried to start a conversation again.

"Nothing", was all that Captain said.

"You don’t do anything?"

"No, I bum"

"I didn’t know bumming could make dough"

"Why don’t you try?"

Princess smiled, she loved his eccentric wit

"Really. Bum uh.."
*silence*

"I sweep the beach", Captain finally spoke up.

"Is it dirty?"

"It’s got dead fishes sometimes, I would cook and eat them if not too smelly"

"Uh oh.... I hope they don’t sell those in the market."
Captain smiled those weird smiles again,
she could spot wrinkles by the sides of his eyes and she liked them. (she's weird remember?)

So, the two weirdos started talking.
And they would talk non-stop, right to the wee hours where they both could no longer understand each other.
She made him giggle and she made him laugh.
And when he laughed, he would roar like the Devil Himself.
The air would reverberate so much that Princess would have to hold on to her chests, else they would fall our of their containments.
They met more and more often and each time,discovering even more weird things about each other and strangely enough, liking them.
As you would have known, weird people have weird habits.
Captain Scary liked to dig into Princess’ nostrils.

"Captain.."

"Uhh.."

"Why do you like to dig my nose?"

"Because you let me"

"You mean others won’t"

"I don’t know, I haven’t tried"

"Ah.. but they fit yeah?"

"My fingers?"

"Yes, they fit in the holes nicely"

"I don’t know, why not try again?", So he took his right index finger up her right nostril.

"Umm.. To the left please. Lots of 'em"
Captain collected some black gold and wiped it across her lips.

"Keep and sell it when the price has gone up"

"Who would buy these?"

"I don’t know, I never sell"

"How about the pawn shop?"

"Why don’t you try? Eh.. unclee…
(dig nose and wave at her the mining product)...
duo sao?? gocheng kho... ho bo??"
Captain was mimicking the act perfectly (yes, he has Chinese blood. Hokkian pirate can?)

"But if I keep it in my mouth, won’t I get poisoning? "
"Dunno, I never get"
"Tsk… You’re bad for me."

Captain seemed to be hurt by her last sentence. He then looked away and kept mum.
Captain was like that at times. He was just plain weird. He would sometimes storm off angrily and come back with that wicked smile again and then storm off again.
His moods are hung on a string, and the string is hung in front of a bloody fan.
His men would nickname him the King of Tantrums.

Princess started making friends with Captain’s men
and she was overwhelmed by their attention.
These sailors must have been in the sea too long for they still couldn’t believe that women have legs and not fins and tails. (Where have they been, mang? Reading Little Mermaid??)
Princess was utterly fond of their company for they were kind, entertaining and very refreshing.
Sometimes, when Captain was busy cooking up a snore storm in his hut, his men would sneak out and take Princess to sing to the star fish and sea anemone.
They believed in the myth that said:
'If you bring our the star in the fish, you can bring out the fish in the star.'
And they would like to fish in the star.
(This is fyucking trash, right folks?)
Anyway,
They were always cheering her up and making her roll on the floor with laughter.
Those seamen were always in a cheery, good mood, especially Jack the Sailor, unlike Captain Scary, who was really scary and moody.
.
But alas,
None of the men could give her those shocks that made her blush.
.
They couldn’t rock her socks off.
.
But Captain could shock her frocks off.
.
______
Written by : Auntie Celly - that old tart
,
,
Read part 3 here

6 Comments:

At 8:12 PM, Blogger WhiteShepherd gently snorted that...

Sooo, could this be somewhat of a true life account of celly?? Hmmmm...I wonder. The princess does have German sausage lips, like the kind in your "hangover" pics below, but there is no mention of the princess having Ally McBeal-thin arms. The story needs a dragon...and midgets. Maybe a midget kahlua-breathing dragon.

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous SleekShoes gently snorted that...

Wah Piang eh ....the "black gold "on lips damn erotic manz ....

 
At 9:45 AM, Anonymous fool gently snorted that...

good story so far...

btw, just curious, am i right in thinking that there would be some fornication scenes in it? :)

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

fool: errr..

sleekshoes: why dont you try?

whiteshepherd: no lah.. completely fictional.. kahlua breathing dragon. good shit my man!

 
At 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. »

 
At 6:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

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