My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

STOP or My MOM will bomb!

Bleah =)

I donch know what she ate, I donch know what she did, but my lovely marder has been having turmoilic problem with her liddle tummy. ( Ed: turmoilic?? got such word meh?)

I was watching "Marrying a Millionaire" , a Korean Drama Series of course, as usual. But mom was not very friendly leh. She let out fierce methane gases at very high frequency.

I almost fainted. So, I made her go to the kitchen each time she needs to launch another bomb.

"Hold the valve, go kitchen then let go the throttle, ok?? Please lorr.."

But she was damn cute lah.. heuheue.. eh.. human nature okay? Nothing to be ashamed of.

This reminds me of my primary school days, back in Jakarta and in Singapore.

I was once an ugly kid. Very very fyucking ugly.. (In fact.. I should scan my old-old once upon a time photoes and post them here... would be interesting eh? But i got no scanner lehhh.. somebody lend meeeee..)

Me, Skinny, skeletal like, short, airport-chested, damn tut, big huge glasses, long plaited hair (or once, super curly poodle hair), skin white like paper, and naive as can be.
The boys used to bully me and made fun of me. Not joking leh. They even stole my lunch box and splattered it all over the school hall. School bullies would paste post-it notes at my back "Rupiah 1000,00/hr", thats like fyucking 20 cents, where got so cheap one!

But on top of all these, I was also a shy, low-esteemed kid with stomach problem.
Doctor told me I got gastric complications and I had to drink lots of yogurt.
But somehow, yogurt gave me horrible, yet powerful ability of creating a lot of methane - bloody German gas.

In primary school classes, I farted a lot. *sigh* Sitting still for very long was apparently the most condusive position for the bloody methane to find its exit. Very de pai seh you know.

I was a model student all, a super nerd with no friend, let alone guy fan.

And I farted a lot. So that made it even worse. Super undesirable young woman.
Everytime I farted in class, I'd be so worried that the students would smell it and make fun of me. So I'd pretend that I'd dropped a pencil or something, I would then bend down and quickly vaccuuuuumed the smell as much as I could, sucking in as much smelly air as I could, I tried doing it in many, quick, short breaths.

Whar piang..., damn dizzy you know?

Everytime I came up for air after a vaccuming session, my eyes would tear, my head would spin, the world would suddenly seem surreal.

But what to do, I was trying to save my face, and their noses. The costs of being kind.

Today my brother reminded me of this over the phone, cause I was complaining about mom. And he asked me if it was all the methane smelling last time that got me so smart. heuhue...

He and his rare kind words.

I know I am not so smart anymore now. In fact a complete idiot at many occasions, nowadays.
But I used to be a damn smart kid, AKA geeky nerd. I was subsequently first in class, won scholarships, admitted to Oxford ya dah ya dah.. but then it went downhill from there.

Really don't know where the brains all went to. Must be all the evaporative liquids and funny burnt dried leaves over the years.....Now a confirmed idiot, I think if you ask me about triple integration now, I'd ask you to go and fly tortoise.

So bro was confirming with me, that it must have been the fart smelling that got me so smart and I should start doing it again to regain my smarts.

Basically, he's trying to tell me that everything that my mom oozes are blessings for us. And that I shouldn't be complaining about her farting so much around the house.

What the peep lah. He even offered to fart in my kids' faces next time. I think this kind of uncle I also don't want.

He, himself, on the other hand, used to eat his own nose shits leh! (EH WITT!! You reading!!! Buay song ah?? I don't care... nevermind lah....anyway, everybody you know knows that you used to eat your disgusting UPIL!)

When he was damn wee, like 6 or 7, all the way til 10 I think. He ate a lot of nose shits man. Not joking. He said it was salty. heuheuhue... Crazy bugger. I think that was why, back in school, he didn't do as well as me. But now he's of course a smart boy. Way way smarter than me. He knows the A-Z about automobiles and will one day become a super expert tuner. Hor? No?? He's so smart, so talented, so witty but SOOOOOOOOOOOOO lazy that being smart is of no use liao.. (U HEAR THAT???? U Friggin LAZY BUGGERRRRRR!!!!)



Uhh.. okay..

Anyway, still lub lub lub him a whole lot.


Hiks.. I miss him...


I can't wait til he gets his arse to Singapore next month. I am gonna make him smell my and mom's fart put together.


Basket!



Muaxx..

14 Comments:

At 7:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

ure one farting drama queen.
but ure entertaining for sho.
ha ha. very funny girl who make fun of herself. i like

 
At 8:26 PM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

Picture this, your very own range of 'scents' sealed in tupperware and retail. This could be the beginning of something big.

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

SIB: i think ur sleeplessness is really doin damage to ur blain leh.. go sleep pls

 
At 10:04 AM, Anonymous SleekShoes gently snorted that...

My dear celly ,

I really do not know what to say ...Im at a loss for words .
*FAINTED*

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Cavin gently snorted that...

hahaha..nature calls.

farting drama queen rawkss !!

 
At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

I dunno about the effects of lack of sleep but I know that inhaling too much methane can make one grouchy haha.

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

sleekshoes: HEH? How come leh? u just farted ah. Hohoho

cavin: err.. the farting bit doesnt really rock lah.. anyway.. dun fart dat much anymore k

SIB: grouchy? u sure? made me happy last time leh.. euheuhue. or was it sleepy..

 
At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Sillycelly, what line of work are you in? You seem really intelligent. Just curious...

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger Cavin gently snorted that...

oklar, the farting doesnt rawk..

dun worry babe, it's a normal thing to fart. if u dun then something is definitely wrong with yah

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

anonymous: Hey there. what line of work? Im a land banker, i basically "help people double their money in 5 yrs with capital protection" so into finance i spose. drop me an email to find out more ? =)

cavin: ehuehuehue.. ya man, so i must be thankfuul that i can fart yah?

 
At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hi Celle, which one is your email addy? rinoa.lau@gmail.com??

Land banker, is it real estate related?

-J

 
At 4:54 PM, Anonymous yuzmambo gently snorted that...

Oh shucks... Cant believe u still remember me after all this time. Does your email work? Coz i would like to drop u one. I've heard that its usually full.

 
At 5:51 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

anonymous: actually u can use marcellys@gmail.com . email me k..

yuzmambo: my email works lah.. both my gmail works.. where got full. gmail leh.. who says full?
of coz i remember, i rem all most of the nick names. esp those frequent ones.. how r u after NTU?

 
At 6:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Well,my friend told me that Pretty gals dun fart?U r pretty but u fart leh...how?

 

Post a Comment

<< Home