My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Faraway Land Tale - The Next Generation

Something has led me to this.
I am not sure WHAT!
But something made me think of what might have happened to the poor miserable souls stranded in neverland.
Captain Scary & Princess Silly are back, with more miserable, dark-cloudy stories of themselves.
To read the first story and thereafter:

And so the story had it.
The unmistakable and much feared occured.
Captain Scary and Princess Silly vowed to each other for eternal love, or so they thought.

Captain pulled off his sheepish sideway grin and Princess Silly had been overjoyed.
And the vow was then sealed with a kiss, slobbery and unenticing.

Let us recall how such a calamity occurred:

Princess and Captain met at the pier of the sad, ugly shore.

"Whaa.. Whaatt,, could you possibly be doing here? At such undecent hours of the day? Monsieur"

"Ermm.. it's sunrise time, Madamme"

"Indeed it is, you should be asleep!"

"I couldn't"

"You couldn't sleep? Oh, but why?"

"Because.. My mind's in a murky puddle, Princess.."

"Hmm.. Why would that be? Pray tell me..".

"Because of you Princess, I couldnt help not thinking about you... and thinking about what I should say next...right this moment..."

(I know... getting fyucking cheesy, right? You gonna throw eggs at me?
Better make that the bi dan eggss ohrr! My fave..)

"Well, what were you going to say, Captain??" Princess helped.

Captain looked down to the ground and spotted some ants busy working at a tree stalk. He smiled and looked up at his Princess. Their eyes met.

His very words were:

" Princes, I … err.. ..
Err... I've been thinkingg... You know... I mean... YOu are just.. so... ,, you know.. you are like the bossoms.. erhh.. I mean blossoms.. you know.. fresh.. and... you are cheerful and shiny.. just like the buns.. erh I mean the sun.. yeah..
Eerrr...I think..
Ermm... Princesss...ssss....sssss....ssssss....."
Princess looked hard at him, he looked like he was trying to shit a brick out.



" You're trying to bonk me, is it?"

"Er, that would be nice!"
"Why don't you just say so??!!! You, silly old man!"

"Oh, Princess... I LOVE YOU!!!!"

"Oh Captain.. "


Basket, what kind of love story is that? WTF!!!!!
So, let's just get it over and done with. I tell you what happened next.
Princess and Captain decided to move away, to build their own cosy, private, little nest where the outside world wouldnt disturb and corrupt their tranquility and intense loving.
Where the shores shine off peach blaze and the clouds above are pink and puffy.
Where the meadows are golden and the trees shady.
Where Princess could lie all day long in Captain's warm arm pit and serenade a song from The Green Kermit over the Rainbow.
So, they took out the atlas and started to throw around a piece of tree bark, which was more like a splinter, it was small and sharp and it almost pierced Princess a few times.
They would then run, fly or float to whichever island on the atlas the splinter landed on.
(Means of transport to be decided later on)
The splinter seemed to keep flying away with the sporadical gusts of wind upon each throw, and young ocouple was left with no destination chosen after many trials.
So Captain decided to not throw it anymore.
Instead, he made Princess hold it with her midgety fingers and he would then guide her finger along the atlas.
"Uh huh? "
"This way, I don't think I need the splinter at all, I can just point it with my finger"
"You are right, princess. Let's do that"
So, Captain freed Princess' finger of the thorny splinter.
Their eyes then met and both their gazes trailed down to where her pointed finger was.
To see where exactly it was pointing.
"Uhh.. How do you read that one? The tiny dot there" Captain started.
"Can you read at all Captain?" Princess politely asked.
"Um..No", Captain was non-chalant as usual.
"Oh.. that's okay. This one reads: Sing- ah- poor"
What extremely nasty luck.
So, they took one koyak sampan and sailed across seven seas to Singapore, which was really stupid because had they gone the other way,
they'd only have to sail across one.
Captain was once a mighty sailor.
But Captain was getting old. His Navigation skills were no longer as sharp.
But Princess was happy to sail seven seas with him.
He was the best company she's ever had.
Captain would sing her songs about opium and poppy flowers
with his low, husky voice,
although out of tune.
Captain would also catch her some feathery friends to grill and consume.
His favourite was the pigeon.
He heard it was a delicacy in some Oriental place and he boasted to Princess about it.
She was beaming with pride.
She grew accustomed to his mood swings.
She would know exactly when he would frown again, and raise his voice again.
It was becoming a recognisable pattern.
She loved him for everything that he is.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.


But, Alas.

Nothing stays perfect forever.
Over moreeee and moreeeeee and longerrrr time,
the table turned.
Princess soon got a little bit sick and bored of Captain's antiques,
because they were repeated.
They became predictable, abstract abyss.
It had become an erratic, yet regulated cycle
of drunkenness, sillyness, grouchiness, sleepiness,
then back to drunkenness.
Although, he is ever so funny when drunk.
That doesnt mean she didnt love him when he wasn't,
because he made her laugh in the afternoons too,
though in a subtler way.
Princess pondered for sometime.
"What should I do? But I love him... I do..."
Princess would wonder....
Nevertheless, still, she persevered,
she would love him boundlessly.
She knew and believed that that was just a passing phase.
When Captain lashes out his antiques,
his charms and weirdness,
she was cocksure,
sure that she would fall in love with him all over again.
It'd be that easy.
She just had to wait for his magic shows.
So, wait, she would.

Finally, their sampan docked at a certain stranger-land shore, with mangrove swamps,
vast greeneries and shady trees.
Captain has not shaved for yonks, well actually it was just a few months but it seemed like yonks.
He looked like one very angsty orang utan.
Princess got off the sampan and explored the new shores.
The white sands beneath her feet was a welcome change.
It was beautiful and it was warm to the touch.

She turned around and saw the mad man of her life, almost not recognising him.
With beards, side burns and hair as long as might.
She frowned at the sight.
"What happened to my scary, yet sexy Captain?"
She thought.
She was then received by a few seamen,
who were repairing their marvellous boats at the other side of the shore.
She beamed at their smiles and kind gestures.
Their sculpted bare bodies were gleaming like silver in the daylight sun.
"What a beautiful sight", Princess claimed.
Captain, however, was not very happy.
He obviously felt threatened.
So, he walked away (with his style) and sat in one corner,
smoking his pipe,
until Princess came back from her mingling session.
By then, he had forgotten what he was angry about to start with,
that was just the way he was
and Princess loved him for it.
They then discovered that they have reached the much anticipated island,
of Singapore.
They liked it.
The people were friendly, although busy like bees.
The place was spring-clean although bustling.
It was different from what they expected out of a faraway place to escape to,
where they might find peace and tranquility.
But they liked it enough to stay at least a while.
Peace they shan't find.
And turmoil awaits.
Later on that day, the loved up O'couple went around the little island for a place to stay.
It was a chore.
One hostel to another hotel to another brothel and to another motel.
"Princess, looks like all the whatever-tels don't want us"
"Relax Captain, I am sure there's somewhere...."
"Well, you know what they say when Joseph and Mary couldnt find a place to stay before they stayed in the barn to give birth to Christ"
"Uh huh?"
"Obviously they couldn't!! It was Christmas EVE!!"
"Ah! .. My captain is so witty", She pinched his cheeks.
-----end of next generation part 1-----
--stay tuned for more silly tales (if you must)--


At 10:31 AM, Blogger Alex gently snorted that...


At 3:39 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

heh.. wat that for?

At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

not good for u celle.. i'm sure all written in jest.. but not sure if it's a good idea revisiting these things again and again..


At 9:46 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

in jest.. in reality.. i am stepping away as much as i can =) least im tryin my best to!

At 12:20 PM, Anonymous blackcat gently snorted that...

Celly, how come your cousin has that american accent? Next time I hope to hear the cockney version when talking to you...can?

At 5:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Well.. your stories r kinda amusing in a way.. as much as i really dislike the idea tat i'm "laughing" at u, it takes a really charming girl to laugh at herself..

Anyway, hope a brilliant guy turns up soon to sweep u off your feet and treats u like a princess..


At 5:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Well.. your stories r kinda amusing in a way.. as much as i really dislike the idea tat i'm "laughing" at u, it takes a really charming girl to laugh at herself..

Anyway, hope a brilliant guy turns up soon to sweep u off your feet and treats u like a princess..


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At 8:32 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

blackcat: my cockney accent is reserved for the brits leh.

gambit: eh.. hahaa.. ya i laugh at myself a lot. but that doesnt mean im charming lah. im just silly and too bo chup

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