My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Why they need to be plugged in da Ass Part I

MEI GUO!!! Ah-me-li-ka ... the U.S of Arse..

Big papa, the Godfather of all nations, some may think
The Big bad wolf.. some may say..
The POWERHOUSE..most would say..

But let's get a lil dirrty..

Aren't they like the biggest &^%&!!^# as well?
The Propaganda maker, the trouble maker, the trouble 'solver'..

The following rantings are my own personal interpretation thus not backed with 100% evidence, let alone 100% political background.
Please do not use it for your political science essay *like DUhh..*
But then again, what the hell can they call evidence in this full of facade world.
Evidence could be fake and misleading too. So to hell with evidence.

Until now, I dont even know if Osama really looks like what he seems to be on telly.
It could be just a picture built up for us media suckers.
He could be friggin gorgeous for all I know.
So...fyuck evidence. Long live bullshitty rantings.
So whichever side of the fence you're on.. I dun really give a damnn..

Plus, I am so full of shit, you'd forgive me for any mishaps (or much of it)

The following is an account of how the Gulf War came about!
My version of course.


Once upon a time...

In year 1991. Back in the days before the Gulf war...

White House made a friendly phonecall to Iraq,


Buzh: I wanna buy your oil dude. How much?

Soddom: Well, as per normal, it's US$10 per barrel.

Buzh: Wahr piangg.. demm ex la.. you sure anot?

Soddom: Best price for you liao..

Buzh: Heh, you sure anot, Kuwait giving me US$3 per barrel leehh.. *blatant lie*

Soddom: Huh? Are you sure??


*line cut off*


Iraq then placed an anxious call to Kuwait,


Soddom: " KNN, what 3 bucks per barrel?"

Shikkh: "KNN exactly! What are you talking about?"

Soddom: " Don't Ke-ke lah you.. basket"

Shikkh: " Really dont know what you toking dude"


*line cut off*


Worried, Kuwait place a call to the white house:


Shiikkh: Soddom is acting up again, I think it could be too much prawn last night.

Buzh: I understand. Just tell me when it gets worse. I am always behind you , you know that.

Shikkh: Cheers dude.. Next round of oil on me la..

Buzh: Wharrr.. no larr.. it's ok, Iraq paid me for getting their oil. *another blatant lie*

Shikkh: HUH????They did?? KNNBCCB!!


*line cut off*

Kuwait then placed a call to Iraq.

Shikkh: KNNCCB U MTF !

Soddom: Heh? Back to you! You wanna down the price some more is it?
I am in for the game. I am gonna declare 2 dollars per barrel.

Shikkh: Dont lie to me you bugger! You gave them free oil!

Soddom: Huh? You ate too much prawn isit?

Shikkh: No you did!!!!!!!

Soddom: How can you accuse me??? I have good prawn control!

Shikkh: Dont bluff, I KNOW you!!! I am so angry!! i know you ate those prawns!!

Soddom: You wanna fight? then fight like a man laaaa. wahlauuu...

Shikkh: FINE!!!!

Soddom: Fine? You sure anot? Your country's not bigger than my mole leh!
I fart from here also your people all faint. *Editor: Soddom's mole quite famous*

Shikkh: Size does not matter!

Soddom: Huh? That what your wife said? BwaHAHAHAHA...

Shikkh: Fark off!

Soddom: Heh.. your liddle land want to fight with me? I pee all over it also your people drown.

Shikkh: Bullshit! Fight like a man then.. Prove it!

Soddom: Your liddle land and all its oil SHALL be mine!

Shikkh: WAIT LONG LONG!!


*line cut off*

Kuwait placed another call to white house.

Shikkh: Buzh, it's really prawn. I need 911.

Buzh: Ok, will always behind you dude, as always
.

*line cut off*

To most people's dismay and to some bastards' joy,
The next few eons were filled with:

*********************

!#$%&*$BOMBS$%&&*%MISSILES$%^&^*FARTS$%$^$AIRFORCEONE%^&^*BOMBS^&#%^#HAHAHA^%&^*HIKSHIKS%^E&#&MISSILES&*%*%CRASH%^#$BOOM%YEBANG^%CNN..BBC...Bombs.. CNN>.BBC.. oil price went up... Bomb... ppl with oil stocks get rich... Bang..& BLOODSHEDS>>>>$%^$BOOM^%*%^&%BANG%&%$*$*$ ..........

**********************


When it was finally over.

The White house placed another call to Kuwait.

Buzh: COngrats dude, it's all over now.

Shikkh: Yeah.. I am really tired now. We don't have much left, people, money or oil.
So much for prawns.

Buzh: I know. But fret not. You are all safe now. You must thank me.

Shikkh: Of course of course, thank you so much for the help.

Buzh: Coolshit. Now..... Back to business..

1253 pilot dead that's US$1million each,
1203AirForce Ones down, that's US$15 million each..
My ground men about 23,459 but I give you discounts..
let's just count them as 20,000, they are at US$45,000 each. Then...

Shikkh: Ah dude.. I don't think I can pay up now. Seriously. Owe you one though.

Buzh: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? HOW CAN YOU BE SO UNAPPRECIATIVE!

Shikkh: Uhh.. Is there anything else I can do? I really didn't mean to...

Buzh: GIVE ME ALL YOU OIL!! RIGS, EXPLORATIONS, EVERYTHING!

Shikkh: Hmmm.... I guess..

Buzh: ELSE YOU KNOW WHAT!! My country aint shittin no CHARITY dude!!!

Shikkh: hmm .. alright then.. bo pian...

Buzh: Cool shit, my men be down tomorrow.

Shikkh: Shitz..

*line cut off*...



Story to be continued...

READ PART II HERE

41 Comments:

At 3:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

This is real funny :)

 
At 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hahahaha.... Sibei hilarious man. Wait ISD come and shut down your blog then you know.

My personal take on the oil price/terrorist hike is that it has very little to do with the Americans but OPEC? Why? Because it makes perfect business sense, you sponsor 1million Amalikan dollars to your favorite terrorist charity group. They go blow up some oil derrick, oil prices goes up... In 2005, Iran (who btw needs $$$ to build nuclear weapon) got 50 billion dollars in extra cash from the oil price hike. Investment imput = 1million, ROI= 5000x hahaha... Where else got this kindda money? With or without the Iraqi oil fields, OPEC still have enuff for everyone, they just need an excuse to push the oil price up...

Junliang

(Incidently, shouldn't you be studying for your exams? Why are you still blogging in the library?) =I

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

of coz of coz.. wah a very thorough econ analysis there..
of coz always enuf oil to go around. not to mention china's undug ones and the whole of alaska..
they friggin play us for puppets.. we play along anyway don we?? lets go back to bicycle and horse days and make them go bankrupt@@@@@@!!!1 who on????????? HEHHHHHH WHy noone put up their hands??????????!

 
At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hahahaha... Then Jean Yip and the rest of the slimming centres will go out of business... We can go swim to Johor now hahahahahaha......

Junliang
*Puts his hands up*

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

YAhh!!! I dun nid to go marie france.. coz yhave to friggin swim to jakarta to see mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*puts my hand up*

 
At 4:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hahaha...

Royong sampan... I tink u'll need a raft, later tsunami then u noe... Bye bye! =)

 
At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Btw... If you are leaving your com at the library for the loo or watever, it is best that you press Ctr-Alt-Del then k to lock your com.

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger CyBorg gently snorted that...

Let the Amalikans attack whoever they want!
When war comes, oil prices hike, oil prices hike, refinery makes money.....refinery makes money, shareholders happy, shareholders happy, they give us more money!!! and BONUS galore!!

shhesh.... i sound Evil!

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Edmund gently snorted that...

Why the sudden urge for this blog?
Must be exam stress syndrome...haha

i like this part best...
"Shikkh: Size does not matter!

Soddom: Huh? That what your wife said? BwaHAHAHAHA...:"

Really LL is if I am the Shikkh

 
At 5:28 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

anonymous: yeah bye bye..!!!

huehuehu thanks for the tip.. lazy laaa.. noone edited my p/w right?

edmund: uhhhhhhh..yeah i like that one tooo...last min churned out one.. hahhaha.

 
At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Yah,

I'm too lazy to register for a blogger account too... Good luck with your project presentation. Honours rite? =)

Junliang

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

jun liang: yep yep

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

Heheh, funny as usual, babe. :D

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger stoolie gently snorted that...

/pengz.
wah lao eh...
funniest ever man...
and i thought the pictures u took of yourself for the interviews were funny.

last paper tml. and i have not read my notes. boo~

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

ad: hehehehe..

stoolie: go study.. good luck!
hope it's not political science paper tml heuhuee. else u influenced by my political post.. heh...
I am a political blogger noww!!!

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger stoolie gently snorted that...

hahahaha yeah, it is...
T_T

kidding.
business where got politcal science?!?!

 
At 11:50 PM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Haw Haw... Damn funny sial. Who knows, your version of events tat lead to the gulf war could have been true.

Cant wait for the part deux... Quickly write it!!!

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

stoolie: din now u in bizad mahh sowrieee...

yuz: alrite.. gimme sometime k.. hehehe.. just finished all my papers... relaccc a bit..

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger Hai~Ren gently snorted that...

*peng*

Motor vehicles are overrated, anyway.

Maybe you can tie yourself to a passing whale, then can hitch-hike to Jakarta (skalli wait the whale swim off to the middle of the Indian Ocean, or kena beached on some secluded island far from civilisation then you know haha)

 
At 1:40 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

hairen: dats why i not hitchhiking.. i gonna swim.. then bring a compass along.. sure reach..

but maybe 50 plus by then

 
At 3:41 AM, Anonymous ead gently snorted that...

u must be realllllie stressed up to come up with a post like this...why? ate too much prawn isit hahaha...i had a good laugh!

 
At 4:07 AM, Blogger MyOrangeSweater gently snorted that...

I will be SOOOOOOOOOO happi if the Amelikans speak that way, then I can communicate better w/ them liao. Celle, can you come over here and educate them, also teach them a lesson, so that they ain't such a pain in the rear.

How about something on the farting Osama?

 
At 5:13 AM, Anonymous Jaywalk gently snorted that...

I was told that fossil fuel will be totally exhausted within 50 years (or was it 200?).

I wonder what will happen to the people in these oil producing countries that have been living so well since?

 
At 5:30 AM, Blogger J Schnorng gently snorted that...

wah biang eh, bush call me last night and say you talk cock about him, ask me to scold you. lucky i kung fu chopped the bitch so he shut up. he cried for a bit and said something like, 'i'm a cowboy you know how dare you kung fu chop me, i can nucular bomb you' but then i gave him some coke and he shut up.

but seriously, hor, next time cannot like this leh. one kung fu chop can only do so much.

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger suspiciousbastard gently snorted that...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger suspiciousbastard gently snorted that...

Maybe we can ask Cartman to do to Bush what he did to Osama.

 
At 9:29 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

ead: no it wasnt prawns hahaha..

lynne: yep yep..singlish is good arr? but amelicans shd speak like the brits la.. their twang very annoying..

jaywalk: 50 yrs? i'd say another few good centuries mann.. they bluff u in secondary school one.. alaska got lotsssssssss.. china also.. n they refuse to dig... wait everyone else run out then they be sole monopolisers mah..

J: alamak.. he reads my blog too ar.. tell him thanks lehh..i veli honoured.. heh heh..

suspicious bastard: huehuehue...
wat did cartman do ah? make him pray then chop head is it? cant rem liao

 
At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

Wonder what you will dig up if you are doing your thesis on nuclear plants, the pope and other niceties...

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Edmund gently snorted that...

I know I got cukup oil in my tummy... can last a lifetime

Anyway I think oil is 50, methane gas 70 and coal 200

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

sleepless: i wouldnt blog about the pope really.. he's a nice bloke..

i not sayin buzh not nice.. hmm..

edmund: the oil in ur tummy can run cars anot thoo

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger Edmund gently snorted that...

The oil cannot but my tummy can be use to push the car though...

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

ed: not bad huh.. push how far? few cms? so shdnt u be sold at petrol stations then?

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger Edmund gently snorted that...

Not in Indonesia ....cos alot ppl ard me now also got this special skill...Harganya tidak bagus lah...

I think my tummy can perform min 5 cm and max 50cm. (50 cm is after my dinner)

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger yahwee gently snorted that...

goshh.. u were the singer for sheares band at jamx 03~ small world.. :)

juz saw ur flickr photos.

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

yahwee: yup2.. u from sheares?

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

ed: 50cm????????????? you got wat? a barrel for tummy ahhh

 
At 7:50 PM, Anonymous huei gently snorted that...

j schnorng: phwoar... din noe bush understand singlish wor... achievement, achievement!

good job celly, they have to get an intelligencer to decode ur post for the white house before they can sue u lor... maybe u can find a job in amelika as a crytologist for the angmohs... hehehe...

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

grace/huei: apparently.. its not that hard for the angmohs to decypher our exotic language... but of coz the names were changed thus all characters were fictional.. doesnt it work that way? heuhue

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Dipstick gently snorted that...

hahahaha... maannn this just keeps getting better and better! Enjoyed every word of it! I am no good at insults but your KNN and everything else cracks me up big time! Loved the wonderful sense of comic timming with the phone line going dead!

Keep up the good work - I mean for the exams!!

All the best =)

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

dipstick: ehhhhh exam overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yayyyyyyyyyy

 
At 11:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Where did you find it? Interesting read video editing schools

 

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