AUNTCELLY's Special Part II

Today's entry is again dedicated to...

AUNTCELLY's TIME:

Brief Introduction:

AuntCelly has a big mouth which confirms her capabilty of shooting out bullshit.

This constellation of bullshits proved to be extremely effective when applied to bullshitty problems.

"yi du gong du!"

She has been giving advice to her disciples for decades.

She has the ultimate yin and yang.

She also teaches experiential learning techniques in expensive countries.

To give her problems (literally) to solve, pwease post comment/emu her..

Remember that She's ALL rationale and no morale.. eh wrong.. no sympathy!

(but morale rhymes sial..).

Not all emailed problems are published at once. Please be patient as AuntCelly is quite old.

Have you missed her?????

Haiyoh... She tot it's like all peace in the world.. didnt know there's still

so many troubled souls out there....

Problems of the Day:

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suspiciousbastard 提到...
Is there any way to get fyucking rich apart from selling your backside/organs/man-rod?

AUntCelly:

Selling backside is more profitable than man-rod apparently.

Organs.. well.. if you have spare..

Other ways include robbing banks and drug dealing loo... Like you dunno....

Anyway, if you wanna make a million dollars the legal way fast.

e-mail me!

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Spanar:
Dear Aunt Celly,what can i do to a girl whose schizophrenic yet incredibly beautiful....like Fann wong. I'm sick of being superman.

AuntCelly:

WOIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then you want to be superwoman is it?

hmmm... wat u tokin about ah..

Dear Spanar, Fann Wong is schizophrenic?She actress wadd..

What's being superman got to do with liking this crazy two-sided girl?

I very confused la..

please dont confuse me when you ask questions.

I rephrase for you la ok!

"Dear Aunt Celly, What can superman do to a girl who likes Fann Wong , incredibly beautiful and schizophrenic?"

Ah.. so much easier. Bloody hell.. superman can grow boobs, maybe she will like lor..

WHAT to do to her ah... What a question!!!!!!!!!!!

So many things you can what.. Just a matter of getting tight slap in the face or not.

LadyinRED:

Dear Auntie, I find it frustrating that I keep meeting Mr. Wrong.

I end up getting really sick of them.

What should I do?

I still like men. But I want to find Mr. Right and not waste anymore time.

I am almost 80. I dont have much time.

AuntCelly:

In that case I also got not much to say.

You dont have much longer to live anyway..

Aiyorr auntie, you so old liao.

You join me for mahjong every Saturday larr..

Got many cute sugar boy boys to choose from.

Subsequently, please read AuntCelly's "Guide to the Right Member"

To check if boy boy is within the Quality standard.

Just remember to slip me the MAMMI's tip.

Anonymous said...
Aunty Celly, What do u call a man who dates a girl for some years

and then decides he is not the marrying type har?

Do you call him

1) a fyuck-type egoistic selfish ball of shit or

2) an asehole who produces shit or

3) an idiot who eats shit or

4) a scumbag who contains shit

5) ? what else can u call him?

AuntCelly:

Seriously dahleeng, this guy is a gem.

I'd choose 5) Thoughtful bastard.

Isn't it nice of him to let her know it's ended before

they've tied the knot and everything is just too late?

Lawyers vellly expensive you know..

But come to think of it..

she could've gotten away with a lot of alimony, is he rich?

In that case, I'd put 5)Selfish bastard.

Is he single now by the way? Does he like older woman?

knychai said...
auntycelly, how can i tell celle tat i like the way she write letter to make fun of ppl without sounding like i want to write letter to make fun of ppl?

AuntCelly:

Dont geddit!!! Wat u tokin about?Your comp got repeating virus is it? You dont nuke me hor...

Lost in Forest :

Aunt Celly,

My girlfriend doesn't like to trim or shave 'down there.' I love her very much,

but often feel like I'm adventuring through a jungle.

How can I bring this up to her nicely?

Signed,

Lost in a Forest

AuntCelly:

Dear Lost in a Forest, I am torn between two good answers, but I think it's better to lay them out here... so that you can make the wiser choice of your own.

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1. Try to love her for who she is.

Hairy Big foot or Shaven haven.

By the way, Pheromones can be oozed out through pubical hairs.

Though Sham argued that they are oozed out from the nostrils.

Which makes this pose completely sexy.

My nostrils ooozeee pheromonessss

Anyway, hairs do give out pheromones too.

Thus, you may want to appreciate this.

Pheromones would give you amazing 'in love' butterfly flips.

Just in case she really is a curly wurly Amazon forest.

You can buy her serums and conditioners to soften them.

You can then rebond the hairs so that they open up like a fan or a curtain.

It can be interesting. Get creative!

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2. If for any weird reason you only adore shaven haven,

which actualy makes you a tad of a paedophile.

You can either persuade her to shave it,

Some excuses you can use are:

- that you can no longer afford KY

-that you miss your childhood.

-that you would like to collect them

and pray to the pile of curly pubes each night for eternal love.

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Or, you can do it yourself, she sleeps at night right?

Slip her prozac and epilate! Dont shave,

because the newly grown stubbles would be pricky!

Cacti in Sahara are worse than Amazon rain trees!

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.....OK.... Aunt Celly is gonna rest,

But please keep the problems coming,

she's training for the next Miss Universe's speeches for world peace and shits.