My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Man Eater Not

There seems to be some misconceptions regarding the very harmless, docile and kind hearted SillyCelly. (bwahahhaa..)

Below is a lousy proof.

_________________________________



This was a conversation at the library last Friday:

Alfred : So, where're you going now that the library is closed?

Me: Study some more lorr.. YIH study rooms.

Benson: Yeah.. that one opens 24 hours.

Alfred: Huh? Benson, you going with Celly to YIH?

Benson: *shrugs* I guess so...

Alfred: Huh ? Just two of you? You not scared ah?

Me: Eh, what's your problem ah? Simi sai?

Alfred: Eh Benson! You better belt up, roll up your pants and wear extra lai kho.. heh... You want borrow my FBT shorts?

Benson: Har har..

Me: Knn..


**lai kho = underpants

***********

I so jia lat one meh?

There must be some serious misconceptions about me out there.. tsk tsk..

I used to think it's impossible to rape a bloke anyway.
But apparently, a friend of mine wisely informed that you CAN.

I am like..: If sail not up, how to go sailing?

* So, he taught me a trick *

Wise friend: Poke his kha-cheng la...

Me: HEH?? Serious?

Wise friend: The G spot is then not far off. Find it and poke hard hard.
The sail will be up in to time. You can sail to Madagascar.

Me: Arghh.. so much hassle, feed him oyster can anot.

Wise friend: Cannot. Oyster dun sail.

Me: But kha cheng so yucks.. what if he ate kangkong?

Wise friend: Aiyah.. want to rape anot?

Me: Dowan... yucks..

*************


** kha cheng = ass hole

Verdict: Celly does not rape guys.

__________________________________________________


Snippet of AUNTCELLY's TIME:


To give her problems (literally) to solve, pwease post comment/emu her..
Remember that She's ALL rationale and no morale.. eh wrong.. no sympathy!
(but morale rhymes sial..).
Not all emailed problems are published at once.
Please be patient as AuntCelly is quite a social butterfly.


Problems of The Day:


yuz mambo says:
I have a little problem. My cat who is constantly in "heat" keeps throwin itself at me. Its absolutely pissin me off. I cant seem to do any revision coz it keeps sprawling itself n stickin up its arse on my keyboard n notes. Wat do i do?

.
.

AuntCelly:
Yuz, your notes hor.. is it in Braille?
If it's pokey and bumpy, of course the cat would love
rubbing its arse all over it.
Get the liddle darling laid please. I pity the liddle darling.
I also don't believe in studyin with animals. So, sort your little time management out please.
Good Luck for exam!
.
.
Calm one said...
Dear aunty sally,my face looks like asian prince,and my hair & body looks like steven lim's. and i'm really sexy when I stick out my tounge..but some pple say I look disgusting.how???
.
.
Aunt Celly:
Dear Calm one, I've seen it all.
This is apparently how you look..
.
.

.
Now, now.. I think people must have been blind to think this isn't sexy my dear.
But sometimes. It takes the right crowd to feel appreciated.
You should take up kegels and work in Bangkok.
You'll be too sexy to be sexy..
Tips: Go for an eyebrow trim please.
p/s: Nice pose
.
.
.
Boliao:
Old, saggy, ugly auntie,
I..No problem le.
.
.
AUntCelly:
.
Why don't I give you one then?!!!!
HuH? huH??!!!!
.
.
Thank you for your problems.
Keep em coming
______________________________
****

28 Comments:

At 11:50 PM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

Yeah, U delivered!

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

hehehhee

 
At 12:21 AM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

wow.. i din noe u can poke certain parts to rape a guy.. wow.. i gotta tell all my girlfriends this man... haha
*thumbs up*

 
At 12:23 AM, Blogger Kenny gently snorted that...

jiat lat...*slip-on* more underwear

 
At 12:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Seeing how you look, it'll probably be the guy who wants to rape you. (Or the raped guy will be one happy fucker.)

 
At 12:57 AM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

forgot to say something about your previous post. all adrians are smart fuckers. and, i tink u no need to rape people gua...

 
At 1:29 AM, Blogger Hai~Ren gently snorted that...

Aiyah... you this kind, no need to rape people... sure got guys out there who will throw themselves at your feet lah.

Happy studying! Central Forum is now my 2nd home...

 
At 2:46 AM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Yay... Thanks for ur advice lah. Point taken.

Siulah, r u tat scary ah? Until ppl say like tat? Sure or not? Next time, i will hang a "please rape me" sign over me ah. Haw Haw. And i believe tat its correct tat a guy's g-spot is near tat "area".

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

hahha.. tell u this is how most of my peer perceive me.. i am scary.. *shrugs*.. hahaha..

cat: woii.. u sure u wanna do that?
yuckz

ad: hehehe yes...!

hairen: keke and lib is mine.

yuz: u dun wanna do that la. really...

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

knychai" if bad luck really strikes u... no use larrr... u scared i rape u ah... basket

 
At 11:28 AM, Anonymous stoolie gently snorted that...

y not? me too me too! eh yuz lets make the tag together! muahahaha

oh, and nice post btw~ hmmm...
u must have raped somebody b4 to ensure that your peers have these misconceptions about u ^_^

but frankly speaking...i dont think u so jialat...











i think u even worse =X

 
At 11:29 AM, Anonymous Dewee gently snorted that...

Auntie Celle, i think your friend is gay. "Poke hard hard..." is cannot make it....

Since most men are weak willed, there are many ways to arouse a man. exploring where the sun doesn't shine should really be your last resort.

 
At 11:38 AM, Blogger CyBorg gently snorted that...

Celle.... u sure or not poke the arse can arouse a guy?
Man..... that's a real issue we've got! Gonna try poking my colleague's ass using an unbrella when i go to work!! wanna see their reaction. Will update u what happen. Toodles!

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger Kenny gently snorted that...

celle: no lah..u post out now every girl knos how 2 mah..not implying u wan rape me only ..if u wan oso can lah ...no ?..lolz

 
At 11:54 AM, Anonymous rOn gently snorted that...

hihi i'm the one with the lorhan forehead.. help me thank Aunt Celly.. though i haven tried the alternatives, they sure got me cracking at my workdesk.. cheers

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

celle, knowing it does not necessarily mean I wan to do it la


i feel knowledge is P.O.W.E.R... so maybe next time, when i am feeling nasty, I can give some smart alec a jab in the a.s.s.

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Nolah i dont want to get myself raped of course... Tatz crazy.

Anyway stoolie, i dont see us havin a threesome anytime soon yah... Although i m highly sexually desirable to many, i m not into tat s**t yah. However, if its two girls, i wouldnt mind closin one eye ah. Haw Haw.

For those guys who are close contact wif celle, never fear... i suggest u guys go to ebay n purchase a chastity belt plus padlock. Buy many-many so can get discount. Better be safe than sorry... Haw Haw.

Btw, Good luck for your exam celle!!!

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger calm one gently snorted that...

but aunt celly,
won't i get raped in bankok?

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

dewee: well.. it is last resort.. but its fastest and least hassle.
ensure u got gloves on of coz..


stoolie n yuz: go put the board ard ur neck and stand along orchard road laa.. will be cool.. make sure u take pics and send to me har harr.. put my website on the board along with the "RAPE ME" sign will be even betta...

calm one: raped in bangkok? nah.. dat country is quite safe. They value reciprocity. so They prolly pay u for it.. so its not rape.. cheers! and good luck!\

Ron: ur welcome. hope u try the tips when u hv time tho.. cheers

imran: pls dun tell src ppl u poke ppl backside coz i say so... skarli they refuse to employ me liao..

to all, i dunno if it really works.. coz i nvr try poking the inner walls of one's ass b4.. but apparently, it was scientifically proven.,... somewhere.. hahaa..
try to poke ur own la..

 
At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

hahaeuirhuieruier
you are so pretty, funny

and retarded.

HEIRHUIERHIERHUIERHUIERHEr
-Irene
xanga.com/amnezia

 
At 6:23 PM, Anonymous Dislocations gently snorted that...

Its scientifically proven?! O.o

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Hmm... sounds like a good idea. Shall make it happen after l'exams.

 
At 8:08 PM, Anonymous Dislocations gently snorted that...

Was just about to comment who are the poor suckers who actually went to be the lab rats for this experiment. . .

Guess if theres a demand, theres always bound to be a supply somewhere...

*BIGHT LIGHTS*
!!! Revelation on the lawas of economics O_O

 
At 8:57 PM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

Men have 2 Gs, Lucky us!

On a separate note, I do not think there is a correlation with getting raped and such when one has 2 G Spots. Maybe you people can work on that for your thesis?
In the nature of the relentless pursuit of knowledge, of course.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger Jayaxe gently snorted that...

Gasp! And to think I'd recommend you to be my colleague. Hahaha.

Just kidding! Remember to check mail soon by the way.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

irene:pretty, funny and retarded? aorr.. thanks i guess. u hv a wicked laugh arrr babe

jx: kekeke.. i wont poke urs la..

sleepless in bkk: dun think its a good idea. how to find guinea pigs? heh.. do i see hands put up oredi??!!??

dislocations: nvr take stupid sillycelly's word for anything.. test and prove first.. haha coz she full of shit

 
At 12:38 AM, Anonymous Dislocations gently snorted that...

Indeed . . . -_-"

 
At 3:07 AM, Anonymous human pheromone gently snorted that...

thanks for the info

 

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