My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Friday, April 15, 2005

Letta 2 Mister Holliewoed

Shameless me wanted to get acquainted with the bling bling people from the West.
So I decided to write Hollywood a crisp letter.

Surprisingly, those bastards did not have the courtesy of replying.
I really don't see why not. Are they too busy partying? getting smashed in parties? sleeping with one another? snorting coke all? participating in regular orgies? No time to reply a sincere fan's letter? Darn..
*WAIIILLLLLLLLLL...* (thank yourself it's not audio blogger.. you'd unfailingly go deaf!)
Anyway, this is the letter, painstakingly written but thoughtlessly ignored.
I even rubbed them on my toes and soles for added personal touch. No use.


4th July 2004

Holliewoud Boulepark,
Cavlink #69-69
Loose Angels.

Dear Meester Holliewoed,

Re: Sendings of loveee..

I am a 9 year old cutie, BIG fan-fan of the Holliwoed moovees.
Like totaahlly!

This is a liddle photo of Mee..


* velly Q yah?*

My name is Maca and I actually live in sunny liddle Singapore.
We make mooovees here too, just that nobody watch.
So, we go Lido and we watch Holliewood moovees, I love love them.

I also watch the Oscars thingey, velly entertaining.
It was showed live at 9am in the mornin. I had to stay up to watch.
But I was wondering why you Amelicans hold glameres events in the mornings?
I mean, well.. normally here they have parties and shows at night.
We can't get hair dressers here before 9 in the mornin.
Amelicans muz be velly hardworkin people. Is that why you came up with 7-11?

But anyhow, I have no complaint about that! I still love your moovees!

I especially luf luf your Elektra movee, never haf I seen such a beautiful and long shampoo advertisement.
Can I know what sham-poo miss Jen-jen uses?? I share mine with dadda and he's losing hair.

I also love Catwoman becoz I can spot miss Berry's cahmutoks a few time. Do you know how to spell chamutok? I don't know but what I meant was that she got a lil nippy at times and me was velly happy spotting them out!

But I didn't like White Chicks, it made me laugh so hard I pooped in my pants in the cinema.
Please do not make movees like that again, please mieester holliewood? It was quite embarassing, I watched it with a cute boy boy from school and he dowan tok to me anymore now. I am quite sad sad.

I heard from Pornucopia that Las Vegas holds their annual Porn Oscars, how come you dowan to give it to Singapore sattelite to show?
We dont have shows like that good here. It would be velly nice if you could go a bit global.
We would like to see somethin different. Coz, people here like to wear clothes a lot, ebentho it's actually velly hot here. Strange rite?
Sometimes I dun rilly understand either but I have to follow becoz I was put in jail when I disobeyed the norm last time.
I think you Amelicanz are velly strong people, can wear so little eventho it muz be freezin cold.

And I love your moovees..

I also wan to say HI HI! to some special people.

First one would be Mister Bread Pit,
I think he is velly hamsome and muskular!
The boys I know here do not have 6 tofus on their tummy.
They eat the girls' ones instead. So, it's a liddle different.

My second HI HI is for Missy Nick-Hole Kid-Man, I think herr name is beautiful and so is she. Also, I would like pwease tell pweety missy to stop takin botox. She cant tok properly nowadays but I understand her jaw numb numb, so pwease tell her.

I also wan to say HI HI to Mister Martin Score-say-say. I wan to tell him pwease dun be upset dat he didna get Oscar fer his Aviator. Tell him he will win Oscar long-life achievement award soon, he is almost 100 isnt he?

My last HI HI is for pweety missy Paris Hyatt. She is soo pweety!!
I see her on Guess Ads and my nose will start bleeding and I get this funny ticklish feelin down below, i dunno why.. but i think it's quite nice. I wanna thank her for sharing her prifate video with her bo-boys. We were watchin it at home. Dadda let me watch when I told im she owns the Hyatt hotels. He was quite happy actually. He was jumping about, lookin a tad silly.

I forgot to say HI HI to you but I think I did at first. Didn't I? pwease scroll up and checky..
Sphank you so muchzz..

Please reply soon. I will be waiting everlyday.

from liddle sunny island,

Macaroni Thong Siew MayXXX

Now, give me a million reasons why I did not get a reply?


*exams driving me nuts as u can see.. I get sickly creative though.. No?*
But definitely sick la..


Disclaimer: Maca and her dadda are completely fictional.

** Please stay tuned for more AUNTIECELLY's time.... !!!!


At 4:55 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

whee.. i'm the first to post comment. haha i think paris "hyatt"'s very pretty too. although she's rather bimbotic sometimes.

btw, I linked u up on my blog. cheers!

At 5:00 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

gab babe: THANK U!!! hahaha.. she was born with a red carpet in front of her.. but she fucked up her life big time la.. guess u cant hv everything. beauty, money but no brain...

At 6:28 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

she's really a media they call it.

well anyways, she's rich and can buy anythig she desires..

unless one day her family goes bust.. which is highly impossible. haha

At 6:48 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

wat u doin up so late ger? good luck fer exams k? I tryin not to sleep at all today so i can re arrange my bio clock..

At 7:25 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

haha!! same here! somemore today sat.. like give myself excuse not to sleep until later at night so i can sleep like everyother normal homosapien.

study lor.. u study hard too yah.

At 8:35 AM, Blogger Steve Metcalf gently snorted that...

Very funny! "Paris Hyatt" is priceless . . . rubbed it on my toes for added personal touch - no effect. Great!

At 8:40 AM, Blogger Jayaxe gently snorted that...

No, the reason why you didn't get a reply is coz' you posted a 'cute' letter. You should post a 'hot' letter, then will get liply.

At 8:51 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

steve: Cheers!

*wah.. he readin all de way from calif honoured*

jx: woiii... dun wan hot then not funny.. kekekekkeke u think i really wrote meh? heuheuhue..

gab: hahhaa.. we same boat then... i tryin to keep my eyes open now.. do work.. check blog.. sleep in evening.. hopefully works haha else my exams time= sleeping time.. die liao.. damn kok

At 9:50 AM, Anonymous rthuth gently snorted that...

my gosh. exams really drive u crazy.. but creative yes.. but crazy.. gosh.. mad woman

At 10:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

I bet I know how you can get a reply. Tell Hollywood you really love their movies - in fact you enjoy them so much that you've been downloading all the newest ones for free from the Internet. Hollywood will really appreciate hearing about that :-)

While your busy communicating with Hollywood, you might also ask them why they've not had an original idea in a generation and suggest that perhaps a live action feature based on your blog might be more interesting than the product they are currently putting out ;)

Dung Beetle (aka Farangutan)

At 11:14 AM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Haw Haw... Very cute lah u. Obviously, it wont get reply letter. After readin it, i doubt anyone in america could actually understand the slang u were using. Next time attach a singapore slang dictionary or something lah.

Btw, i have seen the paris's "intimate" video n its nothing great. I doubt it would win a 'Newcomers Award' in the "Porn Oscorks". However paris, if u r readin this blog, please call me if u r lookin for some "exotic" flava... I m single n available yah.

Dont u think exams suck? Y must we study? Y is readin blogs addictive? I hate the exams!!! My head hurts... Arghhh!!! Helpzzz.

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

This is major-league weirdness, haha.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Reese P. gently snorted that...

I think you need to get away from school, away from exams & most important, away from your computer!

At 12:37 PM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

i think the studying is getting to your brain.. is the fuse already burnt? chill out and have an ice-cream..?

At 1:25 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

farangutan: that's a lovely idea! not only will i get a rpely. i will get the whole FBI troops outside my room!

yuz mambo: you know i din really write one and send right? i dun even noe the address.. haha...
u'll be surprised the angmohs can understand it fully. An american dropped by and left a comment earlier..6th one on this post .. he could read it!

reeze, cat: YES I NEED HELP!! I nid to stay away from computer!!
I think nid to cheong...

adrian: i noe.. i am goin absolutely crazy.. how lidat.. i am gonna sue NUS for driving me nuts

At 1:32 PM, Blogger Kenny gently snorted that...

*scrool down to letter*
*try to make out the content(eventho im a m'sian)*
*get wad the letter means*
*drop on floor*
*puking white substance from mouth*


At 2:07 PM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

celle, oh celle... i need help... i been using the word 'fycuk' and 'bluddy' a lot lately... wat's wrong w me... i am sick with the cold and stuffing my face with mum's chicken curry.. and oh..i got some depressing news earlier too .... so I am hoping i will die from curry overdose or something along that line...

and oh yes.. since i am kind of addicted to ur blog, can i pretty please link u up??.. its only polite to ask mah...

At 2:25 PM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Why m i not suprised... Ang mohs now can understand singlish. We can thank u for tat. Watz next? U becomin the next UN secretary general? Haw haw... Ok, i will agree to the fact tat u didnt "write" the letter.

At 5:13 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

yuz: Really din.. it's that prodigious, sick in the head 9 yr old girl MAcaroni. like who the fuck got a stoopid name lidat.

cat: oh dearrr.. curry nice lehh..
*hungry now*
'fyuck' and 'bluddy' are awesome!!
why u worry? heh?
dont die of overdose lehh..
DONT DONT... !!!
And thanks for linking me up!!!

i think i might've just killed someone who read the blog>>> kychai: HEY U!!! WAKE UP AND STOP PUKING! U OK??

yuz: UN Secretary generall.. ARRR>>>> I WANTTTTT

Shitz..I am going mad

At 6:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Lucky ya not a blonde like paris

At 6:59 PM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

muaack! * sniff * sniff *

At 8:00 PM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Y lots of ppl got the name MAcaroni... the 9yr old girl could be italian eh? Haw Haw... Thinkin of MAcaroni, i m hungry...

Yez... U can obviously continue bloggin if u became secretary general. U could be the answer to world hunger. Instead of real wars, u can introduce "Blog Wars" instead. Who can blog more, gets more hits, wins. Haw Haw. Also, your blog will be now be read by millions, no billions. How cool would tat be eh? *wink*

PS: If u do become sec gen, let me be your chief of staff or something. Damn glam lah.

At 8:08 PM, Blogger jllt gently snorted that...

Can see how stress has spurred you into creating a new language.

At 8:30 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

yuz: think she half italian haf honkee for the siew may name heh..

jllt: hahhaa.. yeah maybe babe.. jialat hor..

At 12:50 AM, Blogger CyBorg gently snorted that...

That's a real cute posting!
How come u got loads to write everyday??? n so interesting somemore leh!
Keep up the good work!!!!!!
and for Celly's sake..... Let her pass with flying colours so she can post more stories in here. Amen!

At 3:17 AM, Blogger Hai~Ren gently snorted that...


You THAT free hor...

At 11:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

That Hyatt movie is titled "One Night in Paris'. I do like travel movies. I am now seeking Michael's tape titled "One Night in Jackson Hole". (Note: Jackson Hole is a city in Wyoming, USA)

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