Letta 2 Mister Holliewoed

Shameless me wanted to get acquainted with the bling bling people from the West.
So I decided to write Hollywood a crisp letter.

Surprisingly, those bastards did not have the courtesy of replying.

I really don't see why not. Are they too busy partying? getting smashed in parties? sleeping with one another? snorting coke all? participating in regular orgies? No time to reply a sincere fan's letter? Darn..

.

*WAIIILLLLLLLLLL...* (thank yourself it's not audio blogger.. you'd unfailingly go deaf!)

.

Anyway, this is the letter, painstakingly written but thoughtlessly ignored.

I even rubbed them on my toes and soles for added personal touch. No use.

_________________________________________________


4th July 2004

Holliewoud Boulepark,
Cavlink #69-69
Loose Angels.
Holliewood.
Amelica




Dear Meester Holliewoed,

Re: Sendings of loveee..

HI HI!!
I am a 9 year old cutie, BIG fan-fan of the Holliwoed moovees.

Like totaahlly!

This is a liddle photo of Mee..


cutegal

* velly Q yah?*


My name is Maca and I actually live in sunny liddle Singapore.

We make mooovees here too, just that nobody watch.

So, we go Lido and we watch Holliewood moovees, I love love them.

I also watch the Oscars thingey, velly entertaining.

It was showed live at 9am in the mornin. I had to stay up to watch.

But I was wondering why you Amelicans hold glameres events in the mornings?

I mean, well.. normally here they have parties and shows at night.

We can't get hair dressers here before 9 in the mornin.

Amelicans muz be velly hardworkin people. Is that why you came up with 7-11?

But anyhow, I have no complaint about that! I still love your moovees!

I especially luf luf your Elektra movee, never haf I seen such a beautiful and long shampoo advertisement.

Can I know what sham-poo miss Jen-jen uses?? I share mine with dadda and he's losing hair.

I also love Catwoman becoz I can spot miss Berry's cahmutoks a few time. Do you know how to spell chamutok? I don't know but what I meant was that she got a lil nippy at times and me was velly happy spotting them out!

But I didn't like White Chicks, it made me laugh so hard I pooped in my pants in the cinema.

Please do not make movees like that again, please mieester holliewood? It was quite embarassing, I watched it with a cute boy boy from school and he dowan tok to me anymore now. I am quite sad sad.

I heard from Pornucopia that Las Vegas holds their annual Porn Oscars, how come you dowan to give it to Singapore sattelite to show?

We dont have shows like that good here. It would be velly nice if you could go a bit global.

We would like to see somethin different. Coz, people here like to wear clothes a lot, ebentho it's actually velly hot here. Strange rite?

Sometimes I dun rilly understand either but I have to follow becoz I was put in jail when I disobeyed the norm last time.

I think you Amelicanz are velly strong people, can wear so little eventho it muz be freezin cold.

And I love your moovees..

I also wan to say HI HI! to some special people.

First one would be Mister Bread Pit,

I think he is velly hamsome and muskular!

The boys I know here do not have 6 tofus on their tummy.

They eat the girls' ones instead. So, it's a liddle different.

My second HI HI is for Missy Nick-Hole Kid-Man, I think herr name is beautiful and so is she. Also, I would like pwease tell pweety missy to stop takin botox. She cant tok properly nowadays but I understand her jaw numb numb, so pwease tell her.

I also wan to say HI HI to Mister Martin Score-say-say. I wan to tell him pwease dun be upset dat he didna get Oscar fer his Aviator. Tell him he will win Oscar long-life achievement award soon, he is almost 100 isnt he?

My last HI HI is for pweety missy Paris Hyatt. She is soo pweety!!

I see her on Guess Ads and my nose will start bleeding and I get this funny ticklish feelin down below, i dunno why.. but i think it's quite nice. I wanna thank her for sharing her prifate video with her bo-boys. We were watchin it at home. Dadda let me watch when I told im she owns the Hyatt hotels. He was quite happy actually. He was jumping about, lookin a tad silly.

I forgot to say HI HI to you but I think I did at first. Didn't I? pwease scroll up and checky..

Sphank you so muchzz..

Please reply soon. I will be waiting everlyday.

luflufluf
from liddle sunny island,

Macaroni Thong Siew MayXXX

________________________________________________________

Now, give me a million reasons why I did not get a reply?

Muahahahahhahahaa........

*exams driving me nuts as u can see.. I get sickly creative though.. No?*

But definitely sick la..

Muahahahahhahaaaa............

Disclaimer: Maca and her dadda are completely fictional.

** Please stay tuned for more AUNTIECELLY's time.... !!!!