My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Hormonal Cock-ups!

First things first... I GOT FYUCKIN BROWNED!!!!

I am LALALALALA so fyuckin happy!!! What after being miyagi'd, cow'd by caleb, jayaxed and suck'd by the rock'r.. I am LALALLALALA so fyuckin happy!

Ok ok.... enough of me hyperventilating , back to business...

I managed to visit the doctor on Tuesday.
I asked her if I could be coughing out the mammary glands and if this could subsequently lead to my glorious pimple outbreak, coz I suspected that the oestrogen packets were coughed out along with glands.

I explained my situation and she came up with a verdict:
I have a hormonal imbalance!!!
Apparently, I have too much testosterone (bbahh.. not a surprise I guess).
(Does my testosterone explain my chor lo-ness?I am so manly..)
Thank goodness the excess is in acceptable amount, hence I am still every inch a woman.
The only aggravating thing is that the imbalance's giving me pimples.

Dear doctor explained that bastardy testosterone stimulates my oil glands to over-activate and the excess oil reacts with sorrounding bacteria which breaks the oil down to fatty acids (why the bacteria bother? shiok meh?) and this causes papules and pustules, in other words PIMPLES! ( Abit of Biology lesson today yah?)

So, I suppose hormones play a huge part in your well being.
Testosterone is the predominant hormone group in males and oestrogen in females.
So, I guess if the guys wanna turn into bapuks and subsequently into lovely ladies... they can always swallow 30-100 contraceptive pills everyday.

Oestrogen gives bigger boobs, but it also stimulates and heightens the rate of fat depositions in your body, so you may gain weight. However, it controls your oil glands.
Testosterone makes the lads hairier, but unfortunately it also causes pre-mature balding.
SO, watch out those hairy men out there, you poor sods may go bald soon..
(I still can't understand why not many men get pimples though.. maybe they posses some other chemicals in their body that counter this effect and women dont.. maybe something in their scrotums.. hmmm...).

Essentially, too much of this or that is never good.
Someone very dear whom I know, has terrible balding problems due to his over the ceiling machoness(i.e high testosterone level).
Being a schweet friend, I recently suggested to him the consumption of oestrogen pills.

The conversation went like this:

Me: Dear.. how's your hair?

K: Like that lor..

Me: I told you to take the pills what.. just share contraceptive pills with your girlfriend or something la..They contain oestrogen!

K: Actually I did!

Me: Arrr... then what happened?

K: I did have more hair for awhile.. but..

Me: but...?

K: (silence)

Me: But what??

K: Hmm.. My...Dragon shrunk.

Me: Heh.. serious ah? By how much?

K: Hmm.. about 5 inches..

Me: HUH??? SO IT's LIKE TAOGE NOW LA!

K: No la.. that was exaggerating. Not really 5 inches.

Me: SO, cocktail gherkin maybe?

K: Eh.. actually it's not the length, it's the diameter..

Me: Awww. you poor dear, so..it's like chopstick la... Your girlfriend complained?

K: (silence)

Me: Hmm.. she still with you right?

K: Hmm.. yah lah.. I've stopped taking.. long ago

Me: Oh.. has it grown back yet?

K: (silence)

Me: OI! HAs it?

K: A bit.. a bit fatter now..

Me: Did your front bumper get booby?

K: Nope.. I wish it did though..

Me: Siao! Oh! but at least can train them into pecs hor..

K: Yah..

Me: SO, now NO hair again?

K: Yah.. I figured I'd rather keep my Dragon.

Me: Good choice dude! I understand your sentiments

K: I'm adopting the old Beckham bald hairstyle so it's not obvious ..

Me: Ah so smart.. you so hamsem.. bald also still hamsem laa..
Good luck on raising the baby Dragon from the dead yah..

K: hehe..

Me: EH !! chotto matte! You should try my Kebois exercise, it'll help!

K: Arrghh... you so full of shit one. I'll die one lor..

Me: Thanks arrr..


Not too happy a man indeed.
This is what happens if you macho-ly contain too high a level of testosterone.
AHH!! Now I realise!! This is why I've been dropping hair too!
Bloody hell.. Luckily I still have enough to go around.

Anyway, to combat my pimplar plague, dear doctor gave me antibiotics that'll BANISH those bastardy bacteria and an acne gel called Differin.

Intrigued, I read up on Differin' product information and I had to bloody check the medical dictionary to comprehend it.

It went something like... Adalpalene is a retinoid like compound which, in in vivo and in vitro models of inflammation, has been demonstrated to possess anti inflammatory properties..

ya da ya da ya dahh..

before you fall asleep. I shall fast forward to the important parts:

In animal studies, adapalene was well tolerated on cutaneous application up to 6 months in rabbits and 2 years in mice. After administration on rabbits, mice and dogs, radioactivity was distributed in several tissues.
Upon consumption, it may also increase benign phaechromocytomas of the adrennal modula in male rats...

HUH?? I mean.. HUH???

How can I not look that up and check WTF it's trying to say now??
They did clearly state this and that about reactions in mice, dogs and rabbits...
But..I not rabbits le.. though act like one on certain occasions.
What's gonna happen to ME if I use it???

I am so not surprised that they dont sell this pimple cream in Watson's or Guardian's.
SOOO NOT marketing SAVVY! Scary in fact!

Speaking of animal testing, I understand that it is indeed inhuman and cruel,
but if it's not tested on animals, (e.g BodyShop products), then what were the products tested on then??? Humans?? Corpses?Or sell them untested... ??

This triggers my suspicion. Does anyone know where they test their products?
If untested.. then lagi jia-lat for the humans, aint it?

Apparently, this Differin gel, if consumed (obviously not supposed to),
will dissolve my bones and give me anaemia. How cool is that??
I wonder if by dissolving my bones slightly, I'll get thinner bones and look slimmer.. heh?

Whatever.. Hope my pimples disappear, my hair grows back and my dear friend gets what he wishes for in life. I can only pray for the resurrection of his Dragon, so that he once again can glorify the horns of the LORD.

And so that, an awful event depicted below won't have to happen:





42 Comments:

At 12:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

hahah your poor friend.

 
At 12:40 AM, Blogger Shortphat K gently snorted that...

Miyagi'd, browned and cowboyed...What are the ODDS!!! can go buy 4D liao. Damn gal, u are cruising on the high life now man...wooohoooo...WOOT

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

eh try these for pimple-free face:

1) boil chopped bitter gourd until the water turns green. Drink the water with honey.

2) Drink hot lemon juice in the morning

3) Don't eat so much sugary stuff.

4) Or, just drink lots & lots & lots of water.

 
At 1:20 AM, Anonymous The Potty gently snorted that...

i know that india allows human testing. maybe they did it there? anyway that country has alot of dead rats too. saw it on discovery channel b4. think everyday there's more dead rats found in india than the number of ppl dying in the whole world...

 
At 1:52 AM, Blogger lip gently snorted that...

just go acne.org for all your queries.

differin is expensive.

 
At 2:38 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

thx u all for suggestin diff ways of acne killings. haha.. differin costed me 13 bux, but if it works, it doesnt matter.

potty: so in India they test on humans and rats? geez.. the rats may be dead coz the place so dirty tho.

 
At 2:48 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

one of my friend is a human guinea pig. he signs up for like testings. Gets paid for it though. Quite good money like $800 for 3 days of testing.

he says they either make u eat pills or rub lotions on you and monitor the progress.

haha but i dun dare le. cos b4 that must sign a paper saying if u die, cannot blame the company or something like that.

 
At 3:04 AM, Anonymous reader gently snorted that...

so which is worse? animal testing? or human testing?

btw, cute dragon pic!

 
At 3:50 AM, Anonymous yuz mambo gently snorted that...

I too wonder wat "Body Shop" does to test its products since they say there is no animal testing. SO HOW do we know its safe? And even if we test it on animals, dont u think we r tat hairy as compared to animals? So the results may not be tat 100 percent correct.

In regards to your "pimply" problem, maybe we should take a leaf from tat gay-boy Micheal Jackson. We should start bleaching our face "ghostly-white". Do u notice tat his face never has pimples one? Could also be due to his levels of oestrogen in his body. Years of grabbin his scrotum while dancin must have somewat stunned his testosterone production levels.

Sorry to hear bout your friend's problem wif his "goods"... But nevertheless, its not only bout the size but also how we fully utilize it to max, yeah.

 
At 3:54 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

yuz: Yah.. good point! I think MJ's balls are like pea sized by now. But I can't bleach my face dude.. I'll turn transparent!
My friend shd be recovering soon la.. haha..

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger Ah 9 gently snorted that...

everyone phears balding...so do i. :P

 
At 7:37 AM, Blogger Jayaxe gently snorted that...

Eh, look who's talking. Now that you've got a flood of readers, I'm in turn being cellied by you! Haha.

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

Big Fuck: Jealous? Grow tits! HAHAHA!

Celle: Your friend's Dragon story was fucking hilarious! You rock!

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger NaiveGuy gently snorted that...

Btw you got screwed by the big fuck too :)

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Reese P. gently snorted that...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:47 AM, Anonymous The Potty gently snorted that...

i dun think they test on live rats. instead they r checking for new diseases on those dead rats. somewhere in india they even have a temple for worshipping rats. ain't it wonderful?

 
At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

HAhahaha!

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

adrian: cheers mate

JX: yay! *bows*

potty: u go visit the temple of rats then tell me ok

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger J Schnorng gently snorted that...

2 questions:

1) Why you always use a y when you say fuck leh?

2) Do you speak Japanese, or do you just put in catch phrases for fun?

And comment:

Even if your boobs shrank, you'd still be a babe in my books. Hee hee hee.

Regards,
J

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

Mr J AKA Big FK:

1) Coz I fyucking like it like that.

2) A bit here & there.

3) don't worry.. enough boob cells to go around!

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger CyBorg gently snorted that...

Hey Celly

I've got the cure jsut for u....
it'll cure it appx 1 min....... but... that part where u aplled it will turn black... and peel it off after same time.
All the way from ur former and my current workplace, 20% concentration caustic. NaoH. :P

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

Yeah, getting Cellied kicks major league ass. My hit counter has been jumping like crazy the past two days, hahaha. You're getting real big, girl!

 
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous yj gently snorted that...

ahhh... Acne vulgaris, the bane of all acne suffers.

I second the advice to read up www.acne.org

2 important things about pimples that I have learnt (must learn from your elders who have gone through the same things ok?):

1. Don't touch pimples or face. Big No No.

2. Don't worry, you look great!

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

Imran: ALamakk.. you gonna give NaOH??? SIAO,,, you try first la..

Adrian: My pleasure!! Just returning a favour dude.. you found me first remember?
I hope it gets hotter and hotter arrr..*fingers crossed*

yj: Yes sir

 
At 11:27 AM, Anonymous L gently snorted that...

eh i used differin b4 it's power la, don't need worry!

 
At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

it is technologically possible and viable to simulate tests la,might even be more accurate, animals are just not the same as us, even if they don't die, we might die right?anyway alot of companies doin it, and it's not illegal to not do animal testing lor, so means the whole thing is already obsolete mah..

 
At 10:08 PM, Anonymous Guofeng gently snorted that...

A recent program about oestrogen.

http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/s1335463.htm

 
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