My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Guide to the Right Member

Oh goattt. my paper sucked..

But, anyway.. here is

AuntCelly's marvellous tips for the ladies, as promised.


AUNTCELLY's Special Guide to " The Right Member"


This entry is solely dedicated to the ladies and boys who love boys.
And of course nosy lads who'd like a double check.

So, how do you predict the ideal member?

Ok, let's make it slightly clearer,

How do you predict the size of a bloke's genitalia?

This could be useful for those who wish not to fall in love with Mr Wrong-in-the-End.

--Think Samantha Jones of SATC who cried over her much adored cocktail-gherkin-boy friend. Quite tragic.*She's my heroic bitch by the way!*

So, today AUNTIE here shall analyse each method, discus and conclude, therefore clear the myths.

There are a few methods you can adapt to do this.
Some are traditional, some are conventional, some are practical,
but none of them is 100% accurate.

So, to prove your hypthesis and be REALLY REALLY sure , you'd definitely have to investigate the specimen fully. Eye-to-eye. *ur eye to its eye*
When measuring, ensure that you start from the base. And use the centre of the circle (approximately is a circle) as your datum. Use a bloody ruler, not just gauging from a distance. Parallax error can be damaging.

Methods of predicting:

1. There's the classic " Tall guy Short guy" Rule







The Tall guy rule as clearly depicted in the picture, concludes that tall guys having mini wonkas.








The Short Guy Rule as clearly depicted in the picture, concludes that short guy has long john silver.


AUNTIE's Verdict:

NOT ACCURATE AT ALL!!!!!
Short , tall , short, long.. no pattern whatsoever. So, this is a myth.


2. The Calves Rule:






The Calves Rule concludes that blokes with fat calves have thick wonkas.

AUNTIE's Verdict: 80% ACCURATE. Can gif him chan larr..


*chan: chance

3. The Fingers Rule






The Finger Rule concludes that length and thickness of bloke's fingers are proportional to his wonka's statistics.

AUNTIE's Verdict:
Length wise : Complete Bullshit.
Thickness wise: 70% accurate. Whatever tickles you fancy.



4. The Finger Fold Rule.





The Finger Fold Rule concludes that the gap between his tip of his folded finger and the wrist (labelled as x) is inversely proportional to his wonka's length.
i.e small gap = long, big gap = short.

AUNTIE's verdict : 90% accurate. Go check your male friends' ones now. And start shortlisting.



Disclaimer:
The above mentioned theories were derived from terribly pathetic amount of sample.
Therefore, should any discrepancies arise (your view/experience/evidence).
AUNTIE shall not be held liable.



____________________

****

There will be a part 2 to this.
Called: :" The Right Member to hit G"

It shall discus about the importance of length, thickness and shape.



Stay tuned... AUNTIE is currently conducting research.

62 Comments:

At 1:01 PM, Blogger lancerlord gently snorted that...

Fwah. The finger fold rule is something new.

So many rules. Any rule of thumb not? kekeke....

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger phelan gently snorted that...

Back in JC 3 or 4 years ago, my clique of 4 male friends were discussing this. One friend K said something(forgot what) which resulted in friend H introducing the tall guy short guy rule. K was the tallest and H the shortest guy in the group, which would mean that H's "wonka" was longer than K's.

K was speechless for a while and could only respond with a weak "F*** you", which resulted in the rest of the group bursting into laughter.

One could only wonder what was going on in K's mind when H told him about that. Perhaps K did think that the rule has some validation and could only respond weakly? ROTFL :-)

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

omg, this is ths first time i heard of such rules... thanks for the tips... hehe

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger MaKan GuRu gently snorted that...

all i have to say is...........

nice calfs celly........

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Eddie G. gently snorted that...

Hmm... I'm never gonna look at my fingers in the same way now.. bugger that...

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger suspiciousbastard gently snorted that...

No leh....the fingers rule is quite accurate for me. Short and thick weiner. Delete this post if you're offended.

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger Hai~Ren gently snorted that...

...

Xiao jie ah... you damn free hor...

But I think the finger one might be quite accurate haha... (mainly because I have nice long and relatively thick fingers)

 
At 3:40 PM, Anonymous SagiBoar gently snorted that...

How to sign up to be in your research sample, har?

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger Kenny gently snorted that...

not chunzzz lah celle..

i go batam 2 work..harbour,nth bad..unless u say sapu the meegoreng at a super low price den smuggle back 2 johor by ferry lah..

i saw ur photo oso, hair straight nice lah..the "khiew khiew" 1 marilyn 1 not nice lah..n y stand by yellow jeep ..

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger J Schnorng gently snorted that...

Eh miss, if you research this one, it might be quite...ahem...dangerous for you, leh...better get a good guy friend to conduct your research instead!

Preferably someone in NS - NS guys damn free.

Regards,
J

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Shortphat K gently snorted that...

*pengz* u good lah u......what abt fat fingers for a short guy??? hmmm...btw, email u on the hosting thingy

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger CyBorg gently snorted that...

I've run out of ideas to praise u!
U are simple phenomenol~

 
At 5:16 PM, Anonymous SpaNar gently snorted that...

no screwdriver in this world can get your screw tight

 
At 5:20 PM, Blogger Jared gently snorted that...

Normally you can tell a person's weiner by the way he walks.. eh wait no no no.. thats for balls..

 
At 5:42 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

lancerlord: rule of thumb? use ruler.

phelan: my condolences to ur friend.

cat: hope its useful hahahaha.. but babe.. we're here to love the men for who they are.. aint it?
AINT IT????

makan guru: thanks.. i cut out and make satay from them sometimes..

eddie: awww... fingers are always marvellous... i hope u know how to use them well..

suspicious bastard: abit too informative .. but whos offended?

hairen: okiezzz dude.. watever tickles your fancy...

sagiboar: application is currently closed.

J: research this one? next one?
I have simulating techniques.. I dun even need guinea pigs..it's all abt simulation, visualisation and thorough analysis..
it's like how body shops dun nid to test their products on animals...
save rubber also..

Ha ha/...

shorphat k: short guy anot not accurate at all.. its back to 50-50 chance like on roulette.,. ha ha!

imz: u mean i am just crazy la

spanar: u're so right.. not even an automated one... i just cant get my screw tight.. but a tight screw..?

kenneth: heh.. u go write on guide to size of balls lahh. but i think we gers not really particular abt that.. UNLESS of coz they're tucked into his socks or sumthing.. then jia lat..





HAR HAR

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger Scarlett Ting gently snorted that...

Conducting research?

Darn, involve me please.

Some methods, as to *cough* personal observations, is plain bull!

Calf rule is not accurate.

Tall guy short guy uh-uh too.

Ever heard about guys' noses in relation to their members?

So not true too.

...

.

Oh what did I just say.

*bats eye lashes*

Anyway, I wouldn't really know since I never seen one before. *cough*

 
At 6:15 PM, Blogger suspiciousbastard gently snorted that...

"I have simulating techniques.. I dun even need guinea pigs..it's all abt simulation, visualisation and thorough analysis.."

I envy and fear for the guy who's your boyfriend.

 
At 6:18 PM, Anonymous i'll let u be the spanar gently snorted that...

well, u can be the spanar and tighten some bolts and nuts.

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger Ah 9 gently snorted that...

Best way to gaugue:


grab it, see how big it goes.

some look big, dun grow

some look small, grow damn big.


Verdict: grab and you decide for yourself.

Whahahahaahha

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

ting babe: wanna join research? hahaha..i ve hard of the nose one too.. wanted to blog about it but forgot in the end har har..
so.. how do u reckon reserach shd be conducted?

suspicious bastard:
well. the previous ones were pretty happy...

i'll let u be spanar:
screw the nuts

ah9: ah yess... that is most accurate.. but its not very polite.. i think..
^^

 
At 7:58 PM, Blogger Jayaxe gently snorted that...

Aiyah, so complicated. Ask a guy to strip can already! Hahaha.

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger Sandra Ng gently snorted that...

oh my.


this shall be my guide from now on. and i'm coming back for that G thing. ;)

 
At 9:06 PM, Blogger airhole gently snorted that...

goodness... i think its all wrong, your methods.. the best method is to smile at the guy... feel him... get a ruler and measure :P

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

celle.. ahem. of cos we love them for WHO they are la.. but still muz measure a bit first mah.. to avoid disapointment.. lol

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Eddie G. gently snorted that...

i'll take your word for it :)

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger TriplePeriod gently snorted that...

Auntie Celly, the next time you need living samples for statistics of similar nature. Do let me know. Member at your service only...

 
At 11:27 PM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

So the vernier callipas(right spelling?)comes to mind when...

But thats auntie's next guide la~
Help the other 1/3 of the population ok?
Additional information...
Katoeys n gays make up the other 1/3 of course ^^
Many closet gays out there~keep our eyes wide open

 
At 11:29 PM, Anonymous Sleepless in Bangkok gently snorted that...

And if you think exam sucks, wait till you get your first income tax form!

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

jx and airhole: cannot. these methods were devised so that girls can foresee far far before even getting involved sexually..

sandra babe: heuhue yep yep

cat: well.. tell u the truth. size is not everything.. so.. look out for next edition.

eddie: u sure anot

tripleperiod: will keep u posted. but like i said application is currently closed har har..


sleepless in bkk: hmm.. one for the guys? dat one will be a bit tricky... but i'll try to think of smth.. but no promise..

 
At 12:23 AM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

Balls leh?

 
At 1:02 AM, Blogger Scarlett Ting gently snorted that...

celle baybeh,

how about I do the physical observation, while you do the physical verification? Muahahaha.

Sounds like a good deal eh?

And if the answer is positive, I will, ahem, involve to give 2nd opinion just to make sure results are 100% accurate.

I am waiting for some tips to G. Bring it on! :P

 
At 1:48 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

ad: for balls.. refer to one of my comments.. its kinda of redundant to tok abt

ting: wahahaha..no fair! i dun like the verification bit

Disclaimer to everyone: In case u think i dam mad go n do a special research for this entrry.. i not that free la k... i just write what i know.. or i think i know.. the rest is up to u

 
At 1:57 AM, Blogger Adrian gently snorted that...

Oi, balls very important one leh. No bullets gun cannot shoot also.

 
At 3:29 AM, Blogger The Malester gently snorted that...

I believe the tall guy short guy rule has been named somewhere as the 7s theory...

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

girls prefer to talk about penis.. we don't really bother about balls.

 
At 7:58 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

hehehhe... alrite

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Steve Metcalf gently snorted that...

Nice calf-muscle. Excuse me while I go measure.

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger MaKan GuRu gently snorted that...

Celle it ok you don't have to butcher yourself for me. i will be happy to rather have your calf sashimi style coated with some chocolate sauce. :)

 
At 9:29 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

steve.. so hows the measurement? hahahha

makan guru: calf sashimi with chocolate.. u really a makan guru man.. respect!!

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Steve Metcalf gently snorted that...

Sshhh! It's a secret ;-) The next time you visit California, I'll tell you my shoe size . . .

 
At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

There is an even more accurate rule. Just like how your foot is the size of your forearm (wrist to elbow) the length of the phallus can be represented by measuring the hand.

From the base of the palm to the mid-fold of the middle finger will give you a close approximate length and for girth, use the tip of the index finger to curl in towards the first fold of the thumb (making an 'O' or 'OK' sign).

If its too complicated to understand, i'll let you shoot my hands. wahahaha...

 
At 9:40 PM, Blogger superfly gently snorted that...

all wrong!
u got the finga fold dee other way rd grl.

tis not dee gap..
its actually the finger fold too..but not the gaP.. its from the point u tocuh yr plam to tip of mid finger

tried (by many) & verified (by many too)

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

superfly: same thing.. i said the gap is inversely proportional mah... so its same thingggggggggg

 
At 4:15 AM, Anonymous science gently snorted that...

Hi Blogger,

As a result of reading your blog "Guide to the Right Member", I think you will discover my site on study aids a great help.

To illustrate our diverse range of tests, here are some of the latest search terms that located our site ... study guide for npfa 472, ob study guide nursing, rapidfire firefighter study aids, firefighter ii study guides, intro to humanities study guide, postal service examination study guide and advanced practice nursing and study guides.

We have over 200 study prep guides and aids to help you sail through your exams without weeks and months of endless studying.

Best Regards
Emily

 
At 9:21 PM, Anonymous memory gently snorted that...

Hello Blogger,

After reading your blog "Guide to the Right Member", I believe you will find my site on study guides and aids to be very helpful.

To give you an idea of our wide range, some of the recent searches that found our site included ... reading specialist study guide, postal service study guide, artemis fowl study guide, all in one study guides, a certification study guide, accuplacer study guide and itil study guides.
We have hundreds of study prep guides and aids to help you ace your exams without weeks and months of endless studying.

Kind Regards
Emily

 
At 3:41 AM, Anonymous discus fish blog gently snorted that...

great blog, you may be interested in my site too about discus fish and my discus fish blog product

 
At 6:16 PM, Anonymous discus aquariums gently snorted that...

Guide to the Right Member was a great post. I have a blog about discus fish

 
At 2:18 AM, Blogger Tropical Fish Guy gently snorted that...

Great blog. Please check out my blogs on:

tropical fish
aquarium fish
saltwater fish
freshwater fish

 
At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

The much anticipated arrival of Keyword Elite is almost here get all the inside gossip from my site Keyword Elite take some time and view the video
on analyzing keyword PPC campaigns for google adsense and google adwords its awesome.

 
At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Having problems with you computer slowing down thats probably Adware take action today and get a free adware scan. It is essential that you use an adware remover program to ensure safe adware removal on your computer.

Great site by the way!

 
At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hosting a baby shower then visit my host baby shower ideas site.

Great site by the way hope you like mine

 
At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Are you looking for Free Marketing Articles Or maybe some fantastic Seo Strategies then visit our site.

You have a nice site by the way!

 
At 6:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Hey great site. Check out my blogs at Toddler Activities, and Toddler Games, Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder. Weight Loss, and Quick Weight Loss I hope you like them! Your blogs just gave me an inspiration.

 
At 2:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Great info! I will check back again! Visit my blogs
Web Site Promotion,
Business and Finance,
Cars and Trucks,
Funny News,

Free Info Center,
Computers and Internet,
Internet Marketing Secrets,

Net Detective,
Web Detective,
Detective Software

 
At 12:33 AM, Blogger John gently snorted that...

Nice Blog you got here !
Be sure to check out my blog about
tropical fish
aquarium fish
saltwater fish
freshwater fish

 
At 2:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

This is a great site. Check this out!! Do you want to get your website or blog indexed with the search engines? Submitting articles to an article directory is a proven method for linking strategies which in turns brings you more traffic and money. Do you want to submit an article to an Article Directory? Are you looking for free content or free articles for your website, blogs, or newsletters? Top Choice Site Article Directory is now accepting authors for the publications of their articles.

 
At 1:11 AM, Blogger home_working_guy gently snorted that...

Hi.
This is a great site. If you need debt relief go visit my site!
Here you can get advice about debt relief.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger BlogDawg1 gently snorted that...

Hi. I am out searching for the latest info on online detective and found your site. I am doing some research for a ratings & reviews site. Although this wasn't exactly what I am looking for, it caught my attention. I'm glad I checked it out anyway - good stuff. If you want, you can read my online detective reviews at Online Detective Reviews

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger BlogDawg1 gently snorted that...

I am conducting some research on various online detective sites and ran across this page. Even though it wasn't "exactly" what I was looking for, I think your readers might be interested in reading my online detective reviews at Online Detective Reviews. As you know, the more information people have before spending their hard earned money -- the better. Sorry for the self promotion, just trying to get the word out while look for sites to review. On to the next -- thanks!

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger BlogDawg1 gently snorted that...

Hi. I am out searching for the latest info on online detective and found your site. I am doing some research for a ratings & reviews site. Although this wasn't exactly what I am looking for, it caught my attention. I'm glad I checked it out anyway - good stuff. If you want, you can read my online detective reviews at Online Detective Reviews

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger No Hassle Loans gently snorted that...

Hey very nice work here. Although it�s not what I was looking for. I am looking for info on Payday Loans or a Cash Advance. Very interesting site

 
At 5:15 AM, Blogger No Hassle Loans gently snorted that...

Hey very nice work here. Although it�s not what I was looking for. I am looking for info on Payday Loans or a Cash Advance. Very interesting site

 

Post a Comment

<< Home