Graduation Bollocks
Here comes the time of the year, when the makers of ugly, oversized, curve-unflattering graduation gowns make some mulah from poor undergrads who need to make their parents proud by wearing them.
How can they be proud of me looking like a fat owl with no dress sense?
Why need to buy more graduation gown? ??
I've had one when I was in Oxford. Eventhough I didnt get to flaunt it for graduation, coz I quitted Oxford due to monetary bankruptcy, I did however wear it for matriculation, every formal dinner (Mon-Thu) and every exam. That stupid gown cost me 20 pounds and the gown was like a black batman wing, with flat octopus tails, except totally uncool.
Here's a picture of an Oxford commoner's gown,
SOO sorry that the model is not Kate Moss or the likes.
(But like this then more believable what, right?)
You are required to wear it for formal dinners, but the University doesnt restrict what goes underneath the gown. So, not surprisingly, many lazy geezer get outta bed with thei PJs, lingerie, put the gown on, and off they go for formal dinners. Look like fyuckin morons can.
Oh, interestingly, it's a tradition in Oxford that you go for your first day of exam with a white carnation clipped on your gown, subsequent days need pink carnation, last day red.
And on the last day, your buddies will be waiting outside the exam hall with champagne, eggs, confetti and lots and lots of booze. So, you will be pretty drunk and silly by evening.
It's so different from NUS post-exam scenes. The exam hall lobby will instead be filled with conversations like..
"knn.. didnt finish le. you?", "Eh, what you got for number 2?", "Ok, nid to rush back library study my mistakes.."..Champagne is never in sight.
Hmm.. must start a trend!! Definitely will bring booze on my last day of exam this semester. That and on commencement day! My mom can join in the fun if she wants.
Anyhow..
Why must I buy another gown - NUS Engineering one(which is even more dumb-ass moronic) at the expense of 40 buckaroos???
See gown....
*HEhh... this is what I get to look like after 4 years of 'hard' work?*
The gown looks like something that a blind pregger would wear.
*Got look smart meh? ?
I think I'd look smarter with this gown...
*Oh yeah..so damn smart looking! I can get so many more things done with this gown*
Tell you why:
1. It's airier and it doesnt restrict movements. I can even juggle the scrolls.
2. It shows off your air of confidence. The owl girl in blue gown looks confident? (I dont think so, mate!)
3. This gown also helps you flaunt your interpersonal skills. I bet I'd be super approachable wearing this gown to commencement, what with all the othe chio bus looking like blue crapshits.
4. People will definitely totally pay attention to ME during my speech!!
PLUS... I already have so many gowns in me wardrobe. Why waste 40 bucks on an ugly one?
I was wailing to DC the other day.
Me: Dude, really must buy gown meh?? very ugly lehh.. Can share anot?
DC: You want to share with me meh? Then you grad next year la..I lend you
Me: Agghh.. dun wan.. But you see, I have lots of gowns in my wardrobe liao.. Can I just wear those?
DC: Cann.. but do you have a dark blue one?
Me: YAH! I do le.. but with silver and baby blue streaks all over it, it's also damn sexy leh.. damn nice..
DC: In that case.. dont bother about commencement. Just wear it to the Dean's office tomorrow, sprawl accross his desk and you'd graduate liao...
Me: Arrrhh.. no nid go for exams liao hor??? Will he gimme first class too?
DC: hmmm.. That depends on your skills la.. and.. hm.. his standard.
Me: Standard? You mean there were pioneers before me?
DC: Wah lau..you think you the only so smart having short cut meh
Me: Yah horr..
SO.. HOW? Buy ugly gown or use the 40 bucks to:
1. Buy a bottle of absinthe :
and meet the legendary green fairy? After exams, the fairy would look super chio.
2. Hire male escort , though for 40 bucks, I can probably afford 10 minutes. But 10 minutes is just nice actually.
3. Go for facial, but now that's solved with my shitting power.
I can't decide. Any suggestion?
Before I end, I shall nicely inform you peepz that donaq, the hunk who needs beer funds has posted a truly intriguing entry. Read this and holize (der such word?wtv) yourself again you sinners out there, and grace upon the horns of the LORD once again.
Don-aq deserves his beer fund!
Marcelly iz cocooing @ 5:07 PM
30 Comments:
For 40 bucks, buy a bottle of absinthe... get someone else who bought a grad gown drunk, then "kapok" his/her graduation gown. For male escort, ask any 'cute' tom, dick or harry u see to escort u, sure can one... try usin some of your "persuasive" skills(if u know wat i mean yeah)...Like tat, 40 bucks can get u everything u want. If got a bit of absinthe left, give to the dean. Sure can get first class honours after tat. Haw haw. Or maybe if u r a samaritan; juz pass me the 40 bucks to my account, coz i m broke.
Or you could bring me out for dinner! Whoot. Great company liao!
..and I won't be that bad, too.
Heh.
Eh. Won't be at class tomrrow. Gonna watch a play, for lit. Paul's play!
vicnan: paul's having a play? where?
yuz mambo: absinthe sounds good, but I'd forgo the male escorts. but maybe bring the absinthe as I prawl accross dean's desk! I can be his green fairy! Eh then I have to wear green.
I am that much a samaritan thou.. so sorry. I'd donate for North Korea's nuclear research instead.
har har.. i think use 40 dollars to instead subscribe to FHM
From 13-17th April you can get a dozen bottles of Yu Yan Seng chicken essence from Guardian Pharmacy in Tampines Mall for $40. That should be helpful for late nights. Haha
Eh, I correct myself. It is 2 dozen bottles of chicken essence for $40
knight: yup, like i said, it's the parents thing.. and well to kinda mingle with all ur classmates one last time. all looking like idiots.. shd be fun.. heh
potty: sounds like a good deal, but that thing wont get me drunk unless i gobble down the bottle seal too.
wah u graduating soon. I still got.. erm 2? 1 1/2? i don't even know!! cos I forgot how long i've stayed here at ntu le.
aniway, ur blog's interesting. more interesting than XX.
keep it up.
hey gabrielle, i cant help but post comment again though it's just awhile ago since i posted.
thank u so much for that compliment. that is SO flattering!
I will do try to keep it up babe!
Oh btw, i still read and respect her writings alot, she's the pioneer bloggerbabe and she has 10K hits ++ a day!!
haha yeah some of her postings really funny. but dunno why her blogging frequency kinda slowed down le.
She ultimate one.. can get 10000 plus hits a day. even when she got no posts for like 2 days...
aiya then dun flatter u too much... wait I can pop ur head with a needle.. :p
Hmm... what's so interesting about getting drunk? Personally I'd rather stay sober. Hehe
Yeah sillycelly... Your posts tickles me to the core. A definite must-read each nite. Btw, gabrielle, exams starting next week in NTU... study or u have to "ta-pau"... I too m sick of stayin too long in NTU... Dont know when i can graduate. Y r there exams in the first place, i wonder? Y cant they juz give us a grade based on our attendance eh? Like tat, i can get "A" easily.
yuz: CANNOT! If based on attendance I sure FAIL BIG TIME!
Hey, sg can get absinthe meh? I also want!!
Ahhh.... NUs engineering, now it all makes sense *smirks*
base on attendance i sure get one big ZERO.
haha study study... ah so sian of studying.
ad: i know a bar in spore taht sold absinthe the last time i was there. but to get the whole bottle, either online or underhand i think. unless there's a seller/dealer i dunno of. why dont i/u start being sole importer? huehueh
Wah... if you actually managed to wear THAT to commencement, a lot of ppl sure will nosebleed liao haha...
Yes grad gowns are awfully frumpy. Can't stand the fact that I'lll have to spend money and put one on when it's my turn to grad in a couple of years' time. =(
WTF! That spamming dude?!
A spammer with a conscience. Ha!
Cool, you got supply tell me. I have lots of alcoholic friends, haha. Oh, and you know you're somewhere in the blogosphere when people start spamming your posts, heheheh.
Hmm, din know NUS Engin can hold such a pretty babe. Anyway, I dun think many girls in Engineering can carry off your proposed gown. Not everybody is as pretty and sexy as you leh.
guo jun: u'd be surprised! a few engine babes here are how hot!
ad: so i shd be happy some1 spammed ar? grrr...
How does it feel moving from Oxford to NUS?
Wahaha, I spend 4 years (almost 5) there. I admit there are a few hot gals there but its far and few.
You wear that dress and I will get someone to drag you up for interviews for your commencement.
anonymous: it kinda suxxx BIG time at first.. i tot of quitting school altogether.. liek wat a wet blanket right? But now there's no regrets. NUS roxx too.. but not the lecturers or teachings, but the ECAs and the people.
guojun: u frm NUS too ah?
naiveguy: will think abt it
Totally. It's just a different environment that's all. =)
So everyone knows that Oxford peeps are alcoholics. Where were your fav hangouts? ;)
anonymous: Yeap.. alcoholics ++,
Hangout in Oxford you mean?
I was quite a mugger, but I love ParkEnd and its Wednesday cheese.
You been to Oxford? Wait amin.. I hva feelin I know u.
No, you don't know me. =) I don't know you either except through this blog and that was entirely serendipitous through a blog link. Anyway, you stay who you are. =)
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