My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Friday, April 15, 2005

DIed And Gone To heaventh

Ladies and gentlemen, Boys and girls, families and friends,

This is how I will look like at the end of the exams

Btw, T-shirt nice hor..I also want raisins!



To give her problems (literally) to solve, pwease post comment/emu her..
Remember that She's ALL rationale and no morale.. eh wrong.. no sympathy!
(but morale rhymes sial..).
Not all emailed problems are published at once. Please be patient as AuntCelly is quite old. She has 11-finger operation and she's quite busy with her onion farm.

Problems of The Day:

MrFroggy said...
Help Celly, I've got a crazy desire to ravage the auntie living across me! It is wrong, so wrong! But i couldn't help but stare and fantasize everytime i run into her wearing the ultra short denim skirt. In my mind, she is being violated over and over again.Help before something awful happens!

Aunt Celly :...
Dear Mr Froggy, that was a sincere question. Although, do not worry!
This is not a problem at all. It is truthfully, completely natural and acceptable to fall in love with an older women, especially those who wear ultra short denim skirt. My advice is for you to go over and win her heart before the old lady kicks the bucket. Good Luck!
Tips: you may need some KY.

Crazy Cat says..
ok, i got this weird problem now.. i dunno why, i have this super urge to visit particular site every now and then .. its at
doc, please prescribe a cure.. arigato...

Aunt Celly:
Your healthy habit will give you much radiance.
There's absolutely no need for cure.
*AND THANK YOU CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^Muaxxxx YAY!!^^so happy!*

Farangutan said...
Uhhh, I now have the desire to ask out (for a date) every girl I know whom it had never previously occured to me to have such feelings for. This means in the space of just 3 days I have asked out the girl who takes care of me at the bank, the girl who cuts my hair, and the hostess at one of my favorite restaurants. My success rate is only 1 for 3, and a fair bit of embarassment is sure to follow in the wake of the 2 failures.

Is this a case of nothing ventured nothing gained? Am I doing the right thing here? Or have I just totally lost the plot and only succeeded in making an ass out of myself? 1 for 3 ain't bad eh'?

Aunt Celly:
Farangutan lives in the ZOO, honey. Which girl had the fetish for super furry animal like you? You definitely made an ass out of yourself,
1 out of 3 is fyuckin lucky!
That girl who wants you is fyuckin blind.

AuntCelly's GEM of ADVICE of the day:


Reason: Coz the cheapskate auntie went for one today, tried to stuff herself silly to make her precious S$15 worth it. Now she's got a portruding mountain of a belly. She farts and burps out salmon skins and seaweed every half hour and she is spending an extra S$30 on diet pills and laxatives. She also pees out wasabi-ed green tea.



You know arrrr... I really wanted to take more pictures during the lunch with Dr. Tang, especially with AuntCelly looking like a complete ass at Genki Sushi. But no digicam yet. So, be patient hor.. unless you have spare digicam....


At 3:20 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

we will all be mountain hermits after our exams.. haha

At 3:29 AM, Anonymous grace gently snorted that...

sarks... i cant even START studying. my exam mantra this sem?


Oh and anyway the 'star spangled banner' can be saved with a little photoshop la... other than that, the marcelly i know has got fantastic makeup (aka camouflage) skills!

BTW check out my response to ur Mr SG post. HAHAHAHA....

At 3:50 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

Hi Grace!!! How r u gal? Party afte exams la.. Hahaha.. yes yes.. now i am investing higly on tinted acne cream and thick fringe. works wonders.. but i still look fyugly at nights....

At 4:39 AM, Anonymous grace gently snorted that...

um. wear a... nightcap? heh.

been reading ur blog for some time now.. left some backdated comments but not sure how ur comment system works (mine notifies me of EVERY comment on ANY post) so maybe u din see them. wahaa... anyway now tt u know who i am i shall go back to using 'huei' cos tts what i usually use...

anyway i realised tt my "minefield" only erupts when i use cleanser... esp abrasive ones... it''s gotten a lot better after i switched back to just using normal soap and water. maybe can try that?

At 5:12 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

no babe.. it's really fucking testosterone.. i am turning into man. hahhaa.... no larr.. but yah hormone shits.. aiyah.. cant tell u exactly why la.. not here..
but its gotta do with being single.. bahh... must get bf soon.. been almost half yr liao

At 5:59 AM, Blogger Gabrielle gently snorted that...

celle, ya pretty so a bit of pimples won't ruin ur look le. heehee.

anyway thank god now is exam time. so not much ppl will be looking at u. :p

At 7:13 AM, Blogger YuZ MaMbO gently snorted that...

Haw Haw... Absolutely hilarious. Its so hilarious tat i juz dont know wat to say liao. Lost for words. But great job, as your first day as "Aunt Celly".

Also, i have a little problem. My cat who is constantly in "heat" keeps throwin itself at me. Its absolutely pissin me off. I cant seem to do any revision coz it keeps sprawling itself n stickin up its arse on my keyboard n notes. Wat do i do?

At 9:04 AM, Anonymous MrFroggy gently snorted that...

Thank you Celle, I'm gonna buy roses for the aunty later. Hopefully can exchange for one of her panties. :D

Wish me luck!

At 9:09 AM, Blogger Reese P. gently snorted that...

Not exactly words of wisdom but definitely worthy of a belly of laughter! Hahaha! From the way that you post I have to remind myself constantly that the pictures of yourself are not fakes & that you are a real woman. But I guess it's just appearance. On the inside you are bursting out to be a man, with the help of testerones

At 10:42 AM, Blogger maotai 茅台 gently snorted that...

aunt celly is a young fart and old at heart ;)

At 11:46 AM, Blogger crazycat gently snorted that...

dear celle, thanks for ur advice.. or rather the lack of it.. i been looking at myself the entire day.. think i am beginning to look more radiant liao leh.. wa.. ur site so powderful....

At 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

Aunt Celly -

Yes, your assessment is surely correct - I did make an ass out of myself. I am now finished with my pride crushing experiment and wound up at 1 for 4. Still I am thinking, at the end of the day, my 25% success rate might have justified the few days of humiliation, shame and embarassment I will now have to endure? Am I so wrong to think so? I mean, now I know the answer to what all of these girls think of me - now I don't have to wonder about it anymore.

I'm not really a furry animal - your prolly thinking of my distantly related cousin the Orangutan. I'm the Farangutan which is a mix between part time Bangkok resident and ATM machine.

Anyway, it was the girl who cuts my hair that agreed to a date. I sure hope it goes well because I already have to find a new bank, favorite restaurant and dentist office. I don't wanna have to find a new hair salon too ;)


At 1:42 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

gab: i hope good looking mountain hermits

Mrfroggy: GOOD LUCK!!!

Farangutan: I think maybe the hair gil dated u after cuttin ur hair. makes sense.
u're a very exotic breed ah

maotai, crazy cat, yuz: hehehe..

reese: thank uuu

At 3:21 PM, Blogger calm one gently snorted that...

dear aunty sally,

my face looks like asian prince,
and my hair & body looks like steven lim's. and i'm really sexy when i stick out my tongue.
but some pple say i look disgusting.

At 6:37 PM, Anonymous Weez gently snorted that...

came here through grace's link..entertaining!

At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

It's been proven in science that testosterone causes the sex drive in women to increase dramatically.

I hope that you're still feeling ok.

At 10:22 PM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

weez: yay!

anonymous: oh shootz

At 12:21 AM, Blogger Jayaxe gently snorted that...

Don't worry, I'll buy you a shaver since er, your big day is coming soon! Heh.

At 3:01 AM, Blogger CELLE gently snorted that...

jx: shaver? epilator pls.. i like the pain of plucking hair follicles apart. keke

At 4:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous gently snorted that...

auntie// i think u sick!

At 4:57 AM, Anonymous Acne Help gently snorted that...

Non sono pronto a fare un impegno ancora, ma sono disposto a presto.So long, Titus huge blackhead

At 10:31 PM, Blogger Investment Center gently snorted that...

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