AUNTCELLY's Special Episode I

Today's entry...is especially dedicated to..

AUNTCELLY's TIME:

Brief Introduction:

AuntCelly has a large forehead which confirms her accumulated bullshit. This constellation of bullshits proved to be extremely effective when applied to bullshitty problems.

"yi du gong du!"

She has been giving advice to her fellow friends, families and strangers for decades.

She has the ultimate chi and gong.

She also teaches critical thinking techniques in under-developed countries.


To give her problems (literally) to solve, pwease post comment/emu her..

Remember that She's ALL rationale and no morale.. eh wrong.. no sympathy!

(but morale rhymes sial..).

Not all emailed problems are published at once. Please be patient as AuntCelly is quite old. She has 11-finger operation and she's quite busy with her onion farm.

Problems of the Day:

Bobby:

For the problem I have. I always wait at least 15 mins for my bus. and sometimes even up to 30mins. its really pissing me off and making my morale damn low. how???

AuntCelly:

Dear Bobby, consider becoming a bus driver.

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Anonymous said...
Well....I have this problem. I'm pretty egoistic where looks are concerned. Whenever I walk around in public places, I want people(actually the girls) to look at me and go "Wow...that's a damn handsome dude." But right now what everyone does is just ignore me. How do I change my situation to the desired one?

AuntCelly:

You know there are many creative things to do to get attention. I can list them.

But to be noticed as a handsome man, you would have to first work on your face.

So, the question should be : how do I get handsome?

Are you handsome?

If you are, I don't see why you shouldn't be noticed.

Have you been hanging out at the wrong spots?

Try Geylang.

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Verysad:

Deer Ontie Selly, I have that probem that I need too and the fire aftar and beefor my wive when shee toke the baby pan then fish the renfolt. Plise tel me haw to deal in that isseu.

AuntCelly:

Little darling. Please take basic English lesson and ask me again when you've passed the course. OK darling?

Meanwhile, take the baby fire pan and shove it up your wife's ass. You can then go fishing and blame it on the rain.

rOn said...
HI HI, I've a lorhan forehead too. probably it's worse than urs cos my fringe doesn't cover much of it. If my hair is wavy and has a mind of its own, what type of fringe best covers lorhan foreheads?

AuntCelly:

This is a very interesting question, I have been venturing for solutions myself.

There are a few things you can do to fix this:

1. The first alternative is to shave your current brows and tattoo your brows higher.

**Flash news: Jap girls love doing this, it makes them look excited all the time, and that's why they are highly employable in the porn industry* *

Also, you can tattoo some black area under your current front hairline. You can have different hair line shape too! Straight, curved, etc...

The suggested alternative would make AuntCelly's Lohan model look like this:

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*very un-lohan forehead*

success: 100%

aesthetic value :9/10

2. You must have known that horizontal stripes tend to camouflage tall/long entities.

This is usually applied to clothing strategies,

where horizontal striped- clothings are worn by chopstickky persons.
Therefore, applying the same technique to your forehead would do wonders. For those with very high forehead, applying horizontal lines would create a shallowing effect.

This is proved below.

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*very un-lohan forehead*

succes : 90%

aesthetic value :7/10

3. Similar to the second alternative. This vertical lines- strategy can be applied to those with very wide foreheads
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This is depicted below.

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*very unlohan forehead*

success: 90%

aesthetic value :3/10

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Hope the tips help, but try to do them professionally. Invest more for satisfaction

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AUNTYCELLY's GEM of ADVICE of the DAY:

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DO NOT STUDY WITH YOUR PORN VIDEOS

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Reason:

It may work for some.

But it can be disastrous for others.

During the regurgitation of information during the actual exam sitting,

you may fail to focus on the question paper. This needs no explanation.

Worse still, you don't wanna cause your textbooks and notes

to have all their pages stuck together. Nasty!!

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Thank you for your problems.

Keep em coming!

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