My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Holey Doley

AORRRR......
My exceptionally lousy skills on taking pictures and my incredible bo-liaoness have raked in attention in abundance!

I must thank my very low resolution webcam for being so supportive and breaking down only after all the photoes were taken.
Since my photoshop skills are currently non existent, with 1+ Mega pixels quality camera, I didnt havta camouflage the blemishes.

So double yay!

However, now that I get more blog read'rs, I am more stressed than ever.
Not sure if I can be funny everyday.. there are days that I can only come up with lame rantings... How lidat..?? *cold sweat*

Today, I just watched The Wedding Date with Dr Tang cause the preview was interesting.
It was about a career woman fallin in love with the male escort she hired.
But the movie turned out to be lame lame lame..

However, the issue of male escort strikes a chord.

While my friends are going for graduation trips, I am thinking of saving my money to instead hire a blooooody good male escort and take off for a joyride.

WAD WAD???.. Why cannot???

SO I searched online and bloodey hell, there are quite a few companies listed in Singapore itself. Most of them are down Orchard road, heeehh.. what are the chances?? However, they DONT have catalogues. BOOO!!!

But the international scene is quite exciting, read about twice winning Mr Bahamas claiming to be well endowed, a big time model and an experienced escort.
Wohoo.. Bahamas men here I come!
However, he didn't include his pictures..
SO... HMMM.........

Me was wondering..
How do the Bahamas men look like arr???
I cheer so much, skali like milo prata.


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CHIALATTTT!!! Tho' that could be very well his name!!..
(to bahamas dude: fren, if you happen to ever read this, not that you aint good looking or anything kay, just aint my type..)

Oh oh.. I found a better webbie to look for all sorts of male escorts.. import quality! It's so import that the names are in #%^&$#$ language.. ok ok.. I bet it's Russian.

Lets check out the dudes !! (ooh.. dont I just love doin this!)


1.


LA lala.. this shall satiate my fantasy of men in uniform. But, of course this one comes with a bonus, I can then be a communist lover!(in all senses of the word!)


2.

Eh, this one cannot la dei, he sure talks about gardening and horses.
And in Russian! That's crapshit la..
Not worth my one cent.

Neexxxtt!


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EHHH!!! MAI THU LIAO!!! How much how much????

Alrite dudez, I need to scooter off and learn some Russian.

Meanwhile , those potential escorts out there should buy this book and serve some lonely female souls some blueberry pies aite..



* UH,The hard way olrite..*

In case you were wondering how much they cost (boys and girls alike, you'll never know), apparently, the UK market price is 45-100 pounds per hour, but discounts can be negotiated for long period of hiring.
However, I've heard that in Singapore, escorts are available at $450 for the first hour, $300 for subsequent hours. Extra services are at your own discretion and negotiations. (Thanks to Llyod and his undeniably reliable resources)
Damn, people hire car, hire van, hire wigs, hire gowns,
I want to hire MEN..eh MAN..at least to start with...

Don't you think it's a damn fine job for the men? Get paid to date women! Win-win liao lor..

In fact, in Taiwan, there are clubs known as Fridays which only women frequent, to check out, be served by and later on hire the male escorts. The men are well trained in basic dancing skills like cha cha, tango and they are trained to be smooth and witty. How come we don't get this in Singapore?
(No need to ask why, I know..)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Pictures tell a million words

My life has reached a point where I need to seriously get down to choosing a career path. School is ending and some friends have already secured jobs.
In other words... I am SUPER STRESSED!!!
I can't live on my savings and dad's gold cards forever,can I??

Me iz getting a B. Eng in June. SO, I am in for quite a number of fields, including Engineering, banking, financial, logistics, scientists, shipping, etc etc..

I have realised that photo plays an important part in your CV. Yes... people still read books by the cover. BO PIANNN...

So, I have learnt the art of sending the APPROPRIATE PHOTOES with different job openings after a few trials.

My first few CVs were sent out with this picture below.



MY dear friend Rajoo has commented that I look like a foreign ah lian.
Evidently, the interviews that came with this photo were for financial, sales and management (shipping) jobs and no engineering jobs. Obviously, with a hair like that, they reckon I'd be complaining about the heat and dust at the plant and ask for extra bonus for hair saloon expenses.

So, I thought of changing it to this one and send a couple of CVs out.



I received one reply on a Mechanical Engineering job.

So, I thought.. hmmm... there's a pattern...
You must LOOK like you FIT the job physically.
Coz, this one I obviously look like I dont give a hoot about combing my hair properly, thus probably won't mind flattening the hair with those stupid helmets worn at the plants.

So, I took a few different photoes with SPECIFIC tasks in mind.

1. This smart and cool photo below is targetted at banking jobs, where the workplace is in swanky Shenton Way and the chill out place is down elitist's Club Street.



2. This not-so-smart but very friendly look is targetted at jobs that require a bit of brain and a lot of emotional labour. This includes marketing and sales engineer.




3.The next photo is targetted at smaller companies congested with sleazy chi ko pehk at their middle management level........






They'd go "Eh Wah lau wee.. dis char-bo look abit like that Febb-lu-a-li Char-bo in the calendar leh.. lim-peh want to in-tel-viuw leh..".
Sorted!


4.This photo is taken especially for job openings in Japanese companies like Hitachi, Toyota and Sony.

*KAWAI NEEE???*
Ah.. sure score liao...


5.I am very aware of the tremendous money making potential of the oil & gas industry.
SOOO why not cheoong all the way to where the oil is!
So, this picture below is targetted to the oil exploration engineering in Middle East..
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6.This one is for nuclear scientist openings
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7.ANd this last one was specifically taken for jobs that
"I DONT REALLY WANT TO GET, BUT IF THEY STILL LIKE ME SO MUCH THEN BO PIAN!"

Yeheheh...
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Up up and away..

Tuesday midnight came and went.
Cat my lovely Cinderella has gone on board the winged chariot and to my dismay, she did not leave behind her left shoe. The chariot's wheels did not fall off and up up and away she went.

As she was crossing the much-hated, glass pannelled border, Jac and me started 'fighting', pulling each others' hair out, strangling each others' neck, to of course passers-by's bewilderment, in desperation to lure Cat back to motherland and rescue us both from each other. However, she merely sweetly grinned and waved at us.

Arrrh.. That bitch!

I am pretty melancholic right now actually. I'd be surprised if I can come up with anything witty today.

I have however noticed the rampancy of vulgarity usage in most of my previous entries. This has saddened me slightly. Thinking that my brothers also read my blog, I am burdenned with the responsibility of being decent and role-model-like. On the contrary, I have kindly portrayed myself as a barbaric, boorish, uncultured, phillistine, churlish, indelicate tramp... (check out my Thesaurus using skills!)

Argh.. WTH.. To hell with decency..

By The Way, Just because I blog like a moron, doesn't mean I am not worldy wise.
I also know about the tsunamis, the recent tremors and the up and coming Armageddon.
heh.. In fact, I was quite a genius yesterday. I made my prof scratch his head, open his books, think for damn long, mutter "How come ah? hmm.. What did i do ah?", and think again for damn long.
(It was about the enthalpy of a refrigeration system if you REALLY want to know)
Damn.. how come now that I am about to leave school and grad, I am suddenly becoming one of those nerds who point out mistakes in lecture notes. TOO lateeee liao babee..

Now that I've said that I am quite worldly wise, I am damn stressed. I think I shall take it back. I'll settle with the original queen of bullshit.

Cat's departure was not the only down-bogging event today.
My hunky friend Muthu, who has been an incredible inspiration to me and a loyal provider of good porn, has admitted that he has been listening to Fish Leong.
WTH...I seriously dont know who to turn to next.

My fortnight of physical absent has obviously very damaging effects on the poot.
Here's the THEN and NOW photo of him.



*GOOD OLD DAYS*

He has sadly adapted the chikopeh singlet fashion which he claims to be airier, shed a few pounds, gone down a few cups, rebonded his afro and started consuming bamboo sticks, which he claims to be whacky coz he can use it to hang clothes thereafter.



"Tee Hee Hee.. Jiak bambo si beh shiok leh"
*NOT SO GOOD NEW DAYS*

I am now a most digruntled soul. I miss Afro man!!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Leavin' on a Fyuuckin Jet PLane

Tuesday at midnight, my darlingest Cat is leaving for Germany in a fyucckin jet plane. I will be then all bogged down and moody..
I am of course fyuucckkin angryyy..
This entry is a tribute to her fyucckkin GOOD RIDDANCEE!!! ARGHHH *hikss..*
Why is she leaving me?? WHY WHY!!(*Scratching the fyucckin walls*)

I scolded her just the other day:
" Fuck YOU and your fucking plane!! May the wheels drop off and never take off!! SO that you'll end with me again you BITCH!!!"

I SOund like an angsty friend????
Bah...She knows I didnt mean half of it, so we are cool.

>>> But Why Germany babe..??Why la babe..Whyyy...
WHat does Germany have that lovely lovely Singapore doesn't ?

GUYS WITH BIGGER NOSES???
I told you when they're big in their nose or ego, they CANT be big anywhere else!
What you doing la.. told you to go Africa la..nose button kind, it's top breed. (btw, she IS moving to South Africa in August, Damm)

COZ Of THE BRATWURST??
Look babe, those sausages do NOT reflect on their Anything babe!
Nothing to do with the length or taste. Nothing babe. If you just want to eat one.. Bizad canteen also have wattt... 1.90 only.. with cheese inside le..
Plus, the reason WHY they started eating sausages was probably because they were handicapped in size in the first place. And then historicaly, parents thought if they feed the kids with edible dildoes, them lovely dinkie winkie kids might start becoming lunchbox-ful.
heh? No, I dont know if it worked la.. how I know wah lauu



*** Check out the caption.. STIFTUNG WARENTEST??
Is dat like German for.. "WARANTEED TEST TO GET STIFF-THUNG..".???.. What a marketing bolllocks strategy.. Dont fall for it k.. and the GUT thing? Wassup mann.. DOnt eat then no guts is it? ***
(disclaimer: me dont know German)


But what's wrong with Singapore guys babe??
I know they have many many unfortunate faults la... but I thought we have agreed on making do?? (in reality, such a treaty never happened, she's given them the permanent capital L, gomene sai!!)

BECAUSE IT'S COLDER THERE??
Babe, I buy you 2-3 air cons laa..
I'll buy/invent/steal you those portable ones you can keep under your boobs and arm pits wan anot?? If you want to wear those boots and leather jacket down Orchard rd, I also wont complain babe.. I will help you carry the air con can?? babe??

WHAT?? COZ OF THE FREE EDUCATION???
BAbe....I also can give you free education babe.. I can teach you sociology babe..
I teach you how society behave, we just go mambo every week we know liaoo babe..
We society like no purpose in life babe.. no nid learn so far babe..

COZ OF THE LOVE FESTIVAL??
You mean... like a whole street of orgy??
You sure anot?? HEH???
Eh, you sure the education there free? GOt Engineering also right??
Should I take Master there babe??
How much living cost arrrr?

(Fyi, love festival is already banned, but Iam sure they still have underground ones going..)

Damm.. now stupid me is getting swayed alreadyy..I guess I'll have to let her off and let the world takes her away for awhile..

I did warn her though.." You dont go away so long ahh.. and better start a blog and msn me everyday hor .. tell u.. u think we will miss you meh? we'll forget you one la..one mth and that's it.. Who the hell is Cat? Wat awesome tennis playeer? Dont know Dont care...You think Spore got no babe like u who's damm nice, smart, funny and lovable meh?? Lots ok.. I just never find onli.. "

Then I'd be sobbing inside.. I know can't find one more like her.. but, I know she'll come backk.. And she'll still love me.. *hiks..*

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Anyway, this was what happened to POOR POOR ME TODAY (Monday)

(cut off an msn conversation & edited slightly coz u noe how superkok grammar msn conversations are like..here still a bit kok mind u..)

almost bashed up by olang says: bb

sze: crunch time says: y

almost bashed up by olang says: today i almost kanna bashed up by an Afro-American brudder le heuheuhue ...so scaryyyyyyy

sze: crunch time says: hw come

almost bashed up by olang says: coz i was in library with jun then opposite got this olang

sze: crunch time says: uh huh

almost bashed up by olang says: he took out his brush... then his wooden brush damm funny..like for poodles kind or..for shoes kind.. but nice la.. like from body shop lidat

sze: crunch time says:k

almost bashed up by olang says: muz be for his curley lovely hair la .. so i spoke to jun in chinese

sze: crunch time says: yah

almost bashed up by olang says: me told him to look at the brush, then when jun turned to see.. n i think i was giggling as usual la, i guess olang saw what i was refering too wah lauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

sze: crunch time says:ok then he came over ah

almost bashed up by olang says: he stood up and was like: WATSUPPPP????????????HUH??HUH?

sze: crunch time says:mmmmmm

almost bashed up by olang says:Then..I auto act blurr..and just smiled

sze: crunch time says:he sed v loudly ah

almost bashed up by olang says: siao liao.. why so sensitive oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..yah quite loud leeeee.. in library somemore...but luckily got this dammmmn cute guy next to him

sze: crunch time says:uh huh

almost bashed up by olang says: A angmoh.. bob marley fren la..he smiled broadly to me and said 'Hellow.."

sze: crunch time says:uh huh

almost bashed up by olang says: SO.. I SMILED back and SAID " Hellowwwrr.." in my cutest cutest voice .. I looked away and bo chupped liao lor..was gonna stare some more at the cute fren but i think not good idea le..

sze: crunch time says: hee hee

almost bashed up by olang says: hehehehhehehe

sze: crunch time says: wah lau

almost bashed up by olang says:but he's soooo cute..damn his angsty fren .I never meant anything wor, just though his brush was cuteee

sze: crunch time says: k

almost bashed up by olang says: cheyy...

sze: crunch time says: mmmmm

almost bashed up by olang says: like auto discrimination

sze: crunch time says: yah touchy..but luckily got the cute ang moh guy

almost bashed up by olang says: heuhuehue, yah damm cute hor..

sze: crunch time says: not the point babe! I mean imagine if dun have the ang moh, what would u have done

almost bashed up by olang says: oorhh.. hmm die liao lor.. i almost nvr use my kung fu liao.. and he like quite big.. and hairi lee..nvr make fun a black man's brush n dun study in library liao lor.. or dun study at all..lessons learnt for the day..but, wouldnt it be easier if he had just smiled at me and asked me if I thought the brush was cute? Coz I think it was lor.. if he was laughin at me at smth chinese i hv... like.. lets say chop stick.. i would just smile and tell him how to use whatt.. not good analogy meh??

sze: crunch time says: chop stick different laa..

almost bashed up by olang says: Whele gott.. I stick in my hair and it looks quite stoopid at first also wat...

sze: crunch time says:...........

My most sincere apologies to anyone who's ever been offended by my bluntness ok, I am almost tearing liao.. I am actually very nice one.. just a bit of a moron that's all..

Let's just nicely promote diversity and eradicate all forms of disciminations ok brothers and sistas?? Especially discrimination towards yourselves...



Monday, March 28, 2005

HITS & MiSSes of FOoTie

We all love football dont we?
But perhaps for slightly different reasons.
Coz moi, for instance, I love it for the studly players.

I would like to proudly rank them (mostly in terms of looks and pertness).

NUMERO UNO MAN:

This has got to be.. HIDETOSHI NAKATA>>>> Those of you who are not cheering.. F OFF!
You dont know how much joy this man has given me. He fills me with euphoria and delirious sensations. Nuff Said...
A hunky Jap (not the usual funny haired, scrawny ones), and he speaks ITALIAN!!! bloodey helll!!!!!!

Let us oggle a little at the ultimate hunk.. Il Bellisimmo!!
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OHH........MY.....GODDD... (ala Chandler's Janice from F.R.I.E.N.D.S)

How dashing is that? And his shirt's got holes in them.. like.. how stylo is that??
Heuehuhe...

NUMBER TWO

Raul Gonzalez used to top my chart before I found out that the bugger loves his wife very much, which I respect, so I still honour him at number 2. (Figo is completely out coz his wife is some pretty watshername model.. and I hate guys who love pretty models. I have a lot of arguments to this.. but let's just simply put it as... I am jealous and inferior. Sorted!).. And this is WHY Beckham is not on the list at all..
Coz he's an unfaithful prick.
Anyway.. his banana kick is losing steam la.. become limp goreng pisang liao..

OHKAYY.....let's see some Raul..



URRGHHHH!!!DAMN THAT PRETTY WIFEEE!!!

Arghh..#$%$#$%$#&&%$&#$%@^%&^*&(!!!

OK.. (for the male readers' sake) let's check out the lucky byatch..
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Arghh... DAMN DAMN DAMN!!hands down lorrr..

Okay.. enough about fit footballers.. it's making me way sad..

BUT BUT BUTTT ...THERE is a curse on the footie scene too!!What's with the awful names...???

Team-wise.. Whats with Arsenal--- Arse-anal? We get your point liao.. no nid say twice right?
Ok la.. I guess must blame it on the Brit Counties who name their cities like that.
To bring it to a neighbourly context.. why did they name the city in West Borneo Pontianak. Or more like why did you call the lovely lady Pontianak..(out of point liao..)

Now for the Arsie team member:

Fredrik Ljungberg >>> Ljung berg? Is that German for long bird?
Watever, I guess it fits the theme.. arse, anal, long bird.. all the she-bangs.
What a butty boy team ArsEAnal is la..

Here's another deadly curse.
What can be worse than having this bloke's name???



The darling Mr Frank Lam-par(d)...
What is it like to greet your fans:
"Hi, I am Frank Lam parrrd, can call me Frank..
or can call me Lamparrrr(d)...."
Thank goodness he's not Singaporean isn't it?

Now, Mr Dearest Nicholas Butt,
who has gloriously left Man U to join NewCastle in 2004.
The Manchester born lad is a traitor!! Hor...
Anyway... What's his surname dude!!!!!! Mr. Butt...

Here's an example (bad one) of his jersey...
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Now, I would like to seriously and most thoughtfully suggest this design below as an alternative..
At least now we know where and what the word is refering to..

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Ta Da....
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*FREAKIN WICKED AINT IT??*

Enough football for the day no?

Just some tips for hunky footballers out there..

Dont get footie gers for yer wife coz two pairs of your wholesome calves would generate kiddies who can star in KFC's latest " Our tasty, fat chicken drum sticks" Ads.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Miss Congeniality

I have been inspired!
To be a police woman..
I wanna jump and pounce on some bad guy's back and handcuff him muahaha...
Elbow his ribs, stomp on his toes and fist the groin.. muahaha..

But sadly, thinking that Singapore is such a crime free country, I'll probably end up with
1. checking parking tickets.
2. photocopying
3. donuts errands.. (Prata & teh peng errands in Spore context).

So, before I embark on kicking bad guys' asses,
I either have to turn this country into a crimeful land (which is kinda impossible, thanks to the very righteous society and the very nice me!)
OR migrate to
1. the Bronx, NY (where I'd be the only chink not running a takeaway and be dead in a week)
2. Jakarta (where the cops get 'kopi' money for 'smoothening' 'businesses")
3. JB, KL (where I catch SPore car thieves!(hurray!)
4. London !!! (Where I have to be a crooked cop and moonlight at the Full Monty to survive the ridiculously exorbitant living expenses)

But London sounds fun anyway!

I thought of Amsterdam, but No no!
Amsterdam apparently has one the lowest crime rate on earth.
YES! Trust me!
More than half the townpeople are 'high' for more than half a day, everyday.

Imagine this scenario:

Boss: " Look !!You lazy ass mtf!!! The bugger still hasnt paid back my million! I want you to WIPE his ass off!! RIght NOW!!"

Kaki: " Urr...(half sehh (dead)....)... aye, wull dae it tom' roee er sumthing yee?"

Boss: " It cant wait, you imbicile!"

Kaki: "Urrhh.. (eyes half closed).. tthen jest soddd eff er doe it yerself yeee"

Boss:" Fuck you!! you're fired!"

Kaki:" urhh.. me aint fred thou...(mumble mumble..).Aite den.. ermm.. ye hev morre hash on ye bozz? Diz one's freeken smashin.." (fall off chair..)


SO!... No Amsterdam for me, But yeah! That's about the only place you can light up a splif in fronta copper, no joking dude.. you may get told off, but that's about it! How cool is that?

Where else can you have bongs in the cafes? And I am not talking about stupid shisha.. it's the reall thang baby!

Where else can you get a full shop selling mushrooms and mushrooms only.. and they're not the ginseng shit you get in Chinese sin-seh shops. These ones are wonderfully magical.
Here's a tip though... buy a dried one if you're not enjoying it rightaway.
Coz... a friend of mine (shall remain anonymous) got the fresh mushrooms, and a few days later.. there were mushrooms on the mushrooms... Hiaks!!!!!!!
But I bet that'd be extra lethal... So, if it tickles your fancy.. go ahead and buy the fresh ones and eat the mushrooms on the mushrooms whilst the keeping the original mushroom intact and moist... let it keep reproducing and there you go.. a whole year of supply...(shit I am a genius!)
Some say that these mushrooms are dried cow dungs.. but this is open for debate haha... We eat eggs soaked in horse pee (century eggs) anyway and those kai lan and kang kong plants received cow dungs for their nutrition intake ok.. so.. indirectly... hmmm.. damn..

ANd what about space cakes in the Dutch bakeries!
Ol'rite. apparently, they dont show off the space cakes on their display.
You would have to ask...

Here's a recipe for making a space cake.. but pls dont do it anywhere near the healthy island.

Ingredients:

2-3 blocks of pure hash (get the good stuff, invest a bit k!)
3 free range eggs
400g plain flour
100g brown sugar
2 teaspoons of cinnamon powder
500ml water
raisins.. nuts (*.. giggle..*).. whatever you fancy..

Method:
Melt the hash on a frying pan.. add a bit of water to aid melting..
WARNING:
(PLS PLS turn on your exhaust!!! Open your windows and put a SARS mask on! Else.....)
Mix the rest of the ingredients and batter up with mixer.
Put the brownish hash liquid and mix well.
bake in pre-heated oven.. about 200'C for 1/2-1 hour, depends on your blackness fetish and your patience!!

Ok.. not very recommendable I reckon..
You may try if ONE day you decide to migrate elsewhere and never come back.
Coz, apparently, Singapore has this new technique of checking traces of illegal chemical in your bodies by doing scientific research on your hair and its follicles. This very advanced method can trace back to consumption of 10 years back. SO.. .. yeah.. watch your ass.. dont play play k!

SO, back to being a cop... I wanna work for the FBI sial...
coz I wanna fight the terrorism and most important of all... the aliens..
I may be mixing it up with Sandra Bullock's second Miss Congeniality movie.
But still, being in Spore police force and Miss Spore Universe pageants at the same time... ooh what are the chances... I already piggy-snort like Sandra, if that's of any help...

I thought of something else, in case being a police in S'pore is really so damm chor bo..
I wanna be a PI!!! not a Property Investor, but Private Investigator.
Although I would love to diverse into the former after a few good cases.
I cant find better purpose in life than to track down husbands' infidelities in action!!
And then testify in courts... apparently the going rate is 3K for 15 minutes of court appearance or something like that...You may not even need to go down, a million thanks to advanced technology, you can testify over the phone.

I am actually pretty good at tracking down unfaithful spouses.
Guys are naturally born to be more predictable than the girls. So it's kinda easier to track down than girls cheating on their husbands or money bags. Sorry..

Other than the usual perfume/lipstick/sms/blusher/glitters check on the men.
There are some tips on how to check if he's lying..

Find a very bright and open space to sit and talk to him.
Ensure that you're not more than 1 m away from him and be very attentive to his gestures and answers.
Don't be too gentle and start off slowly.. surprise him with questions.. dont give him time to think.

The moment you're ready, drop the bomb.
If his eyes look to his left.. UH UH! He's lying!!!
If he looks to his right.. he's trying to recollect some memories.. you may then decide to give him the benefit of the doubts.

And drop bombs as if you already KNOW everything,
it's less easy for him to meander his lies through.
Act damn cool too and DONT cry before you've finished beating him up.. muahaha

Some other things to notice are certain habit changes.
Did he have sudden change of style? or schedule? or fetishes? or hobbies?
Did he suddenly buy adidas when he's been a giordano fan?
Did he start putting concealer on his zits?

Another one would be.. when he starts showering you with gifts out of nowhere.
This is his guilty conscience acting. Dont fall for it.. heh..

But oh well.. the lads are such easy easy lays..
Shoooshh.. now that the lads know the secrets, they're gonna be extra careful...
LAds out there! Dont start training your eyes hor!!!!!!!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Gift from the Deal'r

MUAHAHAHA..
Today Aw'l passed me half a bottle of Macallan Scotch Whisky with my orders....
SO cute horr..
Maybe it's a free gift to customers.. collect points kind..
like kris flyers and gold members (hiaks).. y'noe
Damn.. I only can claim half a bottle..

Now, I dunno what to do with it..
I still have half bottle of Sherry.. hmmm

Prem said I should give it to my dear Prof,
so that he'd give me a BIG FAT A
for my FYP which has literally
my sweat, blood and bodily fluids on it!
(I mean phlegms ok! What did you think!???)

But but........ I dont think he'd like half a bottle of scotch..
I should give him dog's toys, dog's tooth paste or a leash,
since his office is filled with pictures of his dogs,
The HUMONGOUS-est one being a picture of the darling bugger at the dentist!!!!!!!
With his nasty hood openned upp BIG BIG..
showing all his yellowing canines ....
Ayee.... everytime I see Prof to discuss about my FYP,
I will start staring into the picture.. and giggle.. .. rude hor..
No wonder I never learn anything from discussions. Damn that dog..

Ok, back to Scotch.. Maybe I should drink it and write my FYP,
better still.. will write with Scottish accent.. aoint it mayyte?

Orr... pour it on my pimples! Some say it works..
But I did some calculations, and I deduce that it's still cheaper to use OXY than whisky..
Like DUHHH..

Shit I am so lame.. you must think I've drunken most of the whisky already right?
No. no.. it's still me..

Prem then suggested me topping up the Scotch whisky with my sherry and sell it off to a PRC.
But I think... lidat then just drink up the whisky, leave abit then top up with tap water before selling watt...
Shit !!so racist!!... Someone fail me for my HRM please..
I am oblivious to the beauty of cultural diversity...
NO NO...
Forgive me.. me din mean it.. *lightning strikes*..
EH... Really din mean it!! From the h'art of my bott'm...
Some PRC guys are cute ok..
like 1% but still got.. But... well.. I am regretful about the English and the accent la..
But they're damnnn smart ok! I used to learn Chinese and copy programming from them.. hehuehueue..
Really smart, dexterous, prodigious ok!
Am I making a stand yet??

Anyway, topping up with water will defeat the whole purpose..
they're not gonna get high and will whack me upside down and ask for refund..
So....
better top it up with something equally lethal.. yet non costing..
Hmm.. there are lots of cars parked outside the hostel..
maybe if can jack open and steal some processed crude oil..
Which lovely vehicle ..
would be using V-power??
.. muahahhaa.. your blood is mine!!

Shit.. really sound like I am fully intoxicated..

Ok.. dunno what to do with the whisky still.. can someone tell me??


Me, Cat n Lucinda@HideOut before Velvet/Zouk.. this was last nite.. Cat is flushed red, I dont like how I look and Lucinda is sooo pretty.. Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 24, 2005

BIte me me

Today, the spice gurls were out to prance around again.
Cat, Jac, Chip and me were nasty ah lians dancing out mambo steps.
This is a tribute to those who loveeee mambo.
We do! DOnt get me wrong...
It's a wonderful Singapore culture, trust me! You dont get it anywhere else..

In England, they'd just dance all over each other and then puke all over each other.

In Jakarta, they'd just sit around looking expensive on their couches, holding on to their champagne and Chivas.

In Aussie, ok.. hats off to the true ravers.. ! But other than them, patay goers w'd just be damn high on whatever chemical they are on.. and look kinda hmm.. mad.... oh well.. watever.. they're having fun..

This reminds on my days when I was 15. I was growing up in old town Shrewbury and just had a taste of my first big scene clubbing in Equinox, London.
Party goers were getting 8-10 bottles of Vittel (mineral water) over the bar and the naive bunch of us were laughing at them.

"How do you get drunk on 8 bottles of Vittel???"

Basket.. now I know they were actually having more fun that I was. Damnit!
Kekeke...
But seriously man.. places like these.. bar taps are really weak..
Mineral water taps turned on full blast...

Other recommended things to bring along when you go raving in these fabulous nations are:

1. Chewing gum (dun chew ur lips to death..)
2. Vicks nasal inhaler (it works! and it's cheaper than popping another one)
3. Lip balm (yeah.. even the guys!)
4. Water!!!!!
5. Dark chocolate.... oops. this is way after.. after chilling out with Cafe del mar with burnt homegrown plants.

Geeess.. lets talk about these magic home grown plants.. I was shopping around Sydney and I came across this shop that sells all sorts of tobacco leaves, pipes, bongs and other such gadgets.
Propped innocently on the display was a 'vegetable blender'.
Vegetable my white tushees la...

Not sure you wanna use it to blender your breakfast after using it for good ol homegrown the night before. Unless you're baking a space cake of course.

Enough already, we live in a nice healthy country.. let's not make things worse.

By the way, nearest escape is>>>>
Kho Pangan!
Actually, Bali rocks too.. !!!
who says Bali's got no full moon?
Bali has full moon everynight. HAhahaha...

Anyway, back to reality, I am so so so sooooooooo sad that Cat is leaving for Germany. Miss smarty pants iz going off to do her masters..... on Sociology.
Yupss... smarty pants iz gonna learn about how we society behave...
Maybe one day she'll come back with a stupid German accent.. (Oh dear..)
but hopefully not their sense of humour (no offence.. a personal opinion k?)
And smarty pants iz going to leave behind me and Jac to suck toes...
Though, she IS worried that we are gonna get into cat fights ever so often when she's gone. Oh well.. I've got enough hair for her to pull out.. Just dont scratch the face, It's got enough red areas already.

Today I have a myterious red mark that looks like a bruise. An 'O-che'...
It's on my right arm and I haven a bloody clue where it's from... Must be some horny bed bugs. Or... maybe half sober me was hitting the poles with me arm at Zouk..
But hopefully, it was some cute bloke pinching me...

Wateverrr.. I am swearing off clubbing soon.. As in taking a break.. especially after Cat's gone.. which is next Monday.. Boo hoo hoo...

*play song 'Cry Me a River'.....*

I am taking a break from clubbing coz it's getting me nowhere..
(You know wat I am toking about anot?)
I cant find men la..
Men many.. but.. many men
..are worse than m&m..
Lame arrrr.. Arghhh...
(Eh! Silly gurl, who the hell told ya to look for blokes in club??!!)

Today I told Jac that I was gonna cruise around the boy's floor of my hostel,
knock on every door and check out the goods.
But, I know I'd probably end up lamenting stuff like..

"Errr.. sorry wrong room.."

" Ehh.. hmm..*stare from top to toe...stroke chin*..Ok.. lemme browse around a little more.. maybe I'll come back.."

SO, conclusion is.. that it's not worth doing.. I am retiring from the men's world.

For now...

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Wats wrong with me?

I think.. I THINK I may be having PMS..
This is weird coz DC once said that I am the only ger he knows who doesnt have PMS.
Today I am totally annoyed by everything that goes on around me. EVERYTHINGGGG
And that is just by sitting still on my chair in front of the comp (or maybe that's why!)
My milo spilt, my floor hairy, my keyboard dusty, my armpit sticky, my legpit lagi stickier, my printer KNN didnt work! I spent ages trying to figure out.. then when I realised ink is out, I dont have the black refill... @#$$..!!
Then my bloody fyp... so many things to amend and add now. Ive written over 70 pages already, can you just friggin believe???? What a waste of brain cells for something that is simply a formality procedure to freigggginn get a B.Eng Certificate..
Thennnnnnn.. I got hungry at night.. this really annoyed me.. Coz there aint much food around and I'd get fat from eating before sleeping..!!

Anyway.. I did make myself a VERYYY nice sandwich a while ago (for supper.. @#$%%#!) that kinda calmed me down.. FOR AWHILE...
The sandwich's got tomato, boiled egg crushed and mixed with mayo and mustard, plus melted light cheese on multi grain brown bread..... yay!! I wanna call it Sunny Alabama..

God knows why.. dont ask... or I'd get PMS again..

ANd.......... Wat else wat else.. I havent been sleeping well and godamittt it's damn hot!!!!!!!

TMD!!! Singapore get yourself an aircon!!!!!!

ANd......I said hello to two new acnes today.. lovely, just when I thought they were clearing up.. then... aiyahh.. just damn annoyed la.. nitsy bitsy things will annoy me too coz it's MY PREROGATIVE to be moody.. (i.e have PMS)... heuheue..

Good arrr....

Ok laa... actually some nice things happen today..
I introduced Jia Yi to KnockOUT as a keyboardist.. We had a blast during jamming and they seem to like her coz she's good...

Other than that.. everything else SUCKKKSSSSSS...

So this blog is turning into a field for immature gurly rantings?
how lidat? I promise I'll be nicer tomorrow.. *burp*...

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Html crash course

Okay.. on a sleepless, tiring, long day. I actually stayed up to learn html script within a night ..
I cant believe I find html so stimulating!!! Even when Paul told me to check out some Kristeal Steel( wrong spelling) or watever la..some porn star with damn fine bottoms..
I didnt click on the webbie k...
blog was more important... bleahhh... my eyes glued to the many html scripts..
Well... at least, today Ive learnt enough to bloody modify this blog!!!!!!!!!!

So smart right??? ^^

Anyway, I got the hit counter now.. So that's set on today's date.. heh..
So dat I 'd know if the website's actually dam wank, then I can just fark up more scripts and screw the whole blog.. heuheuheuhue..
plus, got the comments bit done coz the original one don hv..
Ok... dont snigger!!!!..this was really the first time I have to bloody edit html scripts..
not too bad though.. commendable la..
No? *take out frying pan..*
i too tired to argue liao....
nitez..

Friday, March 18, 2005


BANG BANG!  Posted by Hello

Colonel Marcel.. hiakssssss


I went to the Bazzaar in forum... and guess what I found?? cute hunkee men in army pants.. PLUS GUNS!!! BIG BIG ones.. too bad they aint real.. they are IR lazer guns for lazer skirmish games.. Boo... so all you get is a red dot on your body and a bit of heat that makes your vest produce funky explosion sounds and tacky exclamations like " You're dead!!".. "You've been shot!"... euhuehe.. oh well.. I got to take picS!!!! and show offf... kekeke Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Poxy Foxx n disgusting stories

My sick, weak being needs more rest than I thought..
Today I tried to wake up after nap to study, but ended up going to YIH study room 15 minutes before the bloody place closed.
Anyway, I went for a beer session at Jac's room instead, Alex, Evan and Sham were there too...and we talked about the most disgusting topics.

We started talking about people who have terrible hygiene.
THat reminds me of a flat mate I had in England.
He has never brushed his teeth his whole life because he has sensitive gums and brushing will cause his gum to bleed.
Alrite.. not surprisingly, he has tooth problems. One time, he had a hole in his front tooth.
At first, it was just the size of a toothpick diameter.
After meals, he would poke the whole tooth pick into the hole and pull it in and out for 'cleaning' and 'pleasuring'. The bugger always looked so 'shiok' doing it.. he would grin away...
After weeks, he started to put a whole chop stick in. Ieuwww.. and go:" Look! Chop stick le!"
Months later, he had a hole as big as the tooth itself, ok.. basically.. front tooth was gone.

Surprising enough, he gets girls like noone's business, I still dunno how to theoritise this.
He also hates showering. Whole 5 years in England, I've seen him shower a few times.. not more that what my finger can count.
I was arguing about phone bills one time. I argued that I shouldnt have to pay it cause I hadnt been using the phone at all.
THe bugger started arguing back the fact that he also shouldnt be paying for water bills cause he hadnt been showering at all.. arghhh grosss. hor...

I dont know what happenned to him, but I can only wish him the very best of luck...

I also hate water taps in England, they bloody engineer the pipes such that right tap gives VERY COLD freezing water and Left tap gives SCALDING HOT water.
How stupid is this????
I had to keep splashing water from both supply so that it mixes to a right temperature in the middle before washing my hands. Bleahh...

Then we talked about awful toilets..
geezzz.. cant be worse than those in China.
In a Shanghai hospital I went to, the toilet was basically a stretch of drain laid out in front of you. No cover, no door whatsoever.
So, while queueing, you can choose to stand before the person who seems to be about to finish his or her business..
Heh.." I think she got one more shit left... ok this one.."
Yuck...

What about those ulu kampong places where you shit inside a huge hole dug out on the ground.
You squat on this plank of wood placed over the hole and balance!!!
Try not to lose balance and fall into deep shit altogethe!!!

Thank god for nice toilets with flushes heh..

In Indon, old style is still the scoop with pail of water. When you encounter one, you wont know what to do right?? Heh... learn la... left hand is for cleaning shit.. right for eating.
I dont know about the rules for the lefties tho.. just dont mix the hands up.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Facial = Faecal

Now I know what's the true meaning of going for a facial...

It's to look as shit as you can at the end of the facial (think of major small pox breakout allover a white buttock)... and then... a few days later.. you will think you have prettified coz the redness has cooled down, when actually you are just claiming back your original skin condition.

And who says you cant squeeze your pimples? I paid a hefty sum to make someone else do it!!!!
What's worse???..I did NOT get to enjoy squeezing the little worms of sebum out of my pores. I didnt even get to look at the squeezing process coz it was so glaring (bloody closeup lights).. that's like the best part of the pain... see the greenish worm wiggle outtt....

I was so sick and jealous lookin at her 'shiok' face... enjoying and savouring my pimples like they were the most delectable tiramisu .. I could only squirm... hikss..

Argh...not shiok liao.. now face like a monkey's ass and I didnt even get the satisfaction of creating it.

So, I'd suggest to dear you.. do NOT go for facial.. coz.. besides all the above.. they are also sneaky lil bastardy sales people too! They'd talk you into taking up some package.. discount big big.. for today or never.. then they tok tok tok.. and make you late for all your appointments. They make you wanna shut them up by just paying.. if you're smarter like me.. of course you will come up with 1000 excuses la... like.. ehhh... no money now.. realy dun have.. not even 50 bux.. or..I'm migratin to Timbuktu soon.. eh.. cant think now.. really gotta run.. discount? oh i dun nid discounts la..I got mullah.. i'll call ya when I decide.. ok ok? bye byeee.....etc etc....

Phew...

Friday, March 11, 2005

Genuine Arse Oles

I am going to rant about an issue that has been accumulating rage in me for sometime and hell is about to be unleashed now.

I f*cken HATE HATE HATE those low sleazy scums who take photoes of indecent, candid pictures of girls and post them on disgusting, undeserving websites!

Recently, a friend of mine spotted pictures of me, taken without my knowlegde; on a stupid website. Although, they were just pictures of me with a tank top, the focus was NOT on the face and being posted along with even worse disgusting pictures of other girls in even worse situations and condition, I was definitely NOT flattered!!!!!!!!!!

Though what they were intentionally focusing on were generally nice, the way they snapshot and post them up just didn't do them justice, they just look derogative; with negative connotations plastered all over them. I really feel for those girls, especially those who by now, may not even know that their pictures are being oggled at by freaky sleazeballs. Therefore I also feel for myself. I shall wear turtle neck, long sleeved and long pants plus a chastity belt when I head out next time. Shoosh.. come to think of it.. it may not even be safe within my own room and premises. Basket! DIE those low scums! DIE!!!!

I tell you, if one day the girls start to dress fully clothed like fugly freaks, it's the guys' faults!!!!!!!!!
There's seriously a thin borderline between appreciating beauties and abusing them. I pray and hope that most people know where the line is.

On a side note, my pictures were taken without me posing nicely, they were candid and they were not taken with my best side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cursing madly....*

I shall not disclose the website for I do not reccomend you lots to start oggling at pictures like that. It's a mortal sin! Dammit, if you would like to have some hormonal excitement and happy endings whatever, go ahead and get a magazine off the shelves that were meant to serve exactly that purpose.

For bollocks' sake, we girls dont go around snapping shots of the lads' crotches and post them on website and label them "full tank", "tiny", "where is it", "to the left", " to the right" or to be more creative, "Sushi lunch box", "German BratWurst", "Minute steak" or " PIsang Goreng".
Do we???????????????????? (btw, how come I relate them to food onli.. yuck)
Though, this is a thought! In case such indecent exposures of us girls continue!

I am now looking into the possibility of getting advice from internet police and claim some justice!

Those of you with slim powerful digicams and camera phones, please stuff them nicely in your pockets and use them only to take pictures of nice panoramic views, yourself and your friends.

They are NOT meant for snapping shots of girls with low necked tops bending over shop displays, girls with skirt falling off the steps, drunken girls with clothes falling off or even girls with short flare skirt walking up steep steps (though she's kinda asking for it.. but bah! just enjoy the moment lorr.. dont need to be so generous and share it with the whole global community whattt!)...
OKAY????????????

Geeezz.. this rapidly advancing technology is posing threats to modern society's safety and decency.
I am cursing at all those who abuse this priviledge! ARse OLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bastardo!!!!!!KNNCCB!!!!!TMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

A comeback

After many many weeks of staying away from motherland Zouk,
Today me and Jac joined the rest of the bunch after midnight.. all because I lost to a scissor paper stone game....
I splattered about half a bottle of Elizabeth Arden foundation and I ended up looking almost as good as I used to. Not a bad effort. At least we could make silly moneybags buy us drinks and I could get some old ah pek at coffee shop to oggle at me with sleepy eyes.
Sham called them stallions. oh welll.. that made me come up with a neat rap:

Uh ya can call yerself a stallion..
with all those yer dang medallions..
but really.. in this batallion..
I wouldnt do ya for a million....

It's a prequel to my rap piece of:

(standing on one's right)...
Uh uh look to your right..
geezess.. you gave me a fright!
someone turn off the light!
Coz damn mtf.. ya aint no sight!

How's it? not too bad for a drunken badger ye?

__________________________________

Before the break of dawn, just when I thought that I was losing my modjo, I watched Juve vs Madrid and witnessed that beautiful goal kick by my lovely man David Trezequet. It was almost orgasmic, Trezequet is the man, and now I am pretty sure I am still every inch a woman. My modjo is still with me.
Now I remember the very reason I started watching footie years back. Raul's eyes, Trezeguet's goatee, Kluivert's ass, Beckham's wife...........

It all started back durin Euro 98 with dad betting. He bet on whichever team I said was gonna lose. He bought a motorbike at the end of Euro 98 with the winnings. If I just keep betting against my gut feeling, I'll be a millionaire.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Naught.

Not short for naughty, but short for nothing. (??).
I am so busy these days, my pants are on fire.
Oh.. yah and people are getting more concerned about my horny pimples.
Majority reckoned that I have pimples because I've been horny yet no proper endorphine outlets, BUT Rajoo has decided that they horny pimples because they just keep reproducing!
Heuheuhe.. so smart...
Indeed mann.. my acne creams are fertilizer to them, their growth is exponential.. But I dont givahoot anymore. I dont bloodeyy careeeeeeeee...... maybe I do a lil, but I just have to live and deal with it. Earn money fast so that I can go for skin transplant.

Enough about pimples siahh.. I was Spore Britney Spears and now they call me Spore Britney pimples..

Enough already boyssss...Enoughhh...

Sunday, March 06, 2005

West Sidee...

Like any Saturday nights, many many friends will be asking me :" Party Anywhere babe?" , " Zouk?" ," Where ya goin crazy tonite?", " At Ice cold babe, msg if you heading out.."

Agghhhhhhhhhh... so tempting...

BUt... I have repented...by default.. due to fatigue of physique and monetary condition... heuheue...
Shit, I had to not go to so manyyyyyyyy invitations. I was in track pants and sweating like mad along town anyway. SO ...

So I went with KnockOut to West Coast Park and chill til the break of dawn, telling ghost stories, having sectarial debate which I had to be careful with and Political debate which we had to be hush hush with...We ended up with reallllly lame jokes.

These are Boy's:

What's a one eye dear called? ---------No idea
What's a virgin one eye dear called?-------No fucking idea.
What's a German virgin called? ----------Harvent Fugkerr

Uhhh..... Ok la.. made me giggle.

Awel's was so lame I can't remember..
ONe was like... what's the difference between nose shit and a cup of coffee.. Like WTF??
We completely bo-chupped him.

Mine made all of them want to go home:

What's small, black and punches if touched------ Mike Tyson's mole ...
Why Superman wears an S on his chest?----------Coz XL too big cant see muscle.
What's a small fish with big head?-------ikan bilis with helmet..

Shoosh.. they left after the last one. heuheuheuheue

I met a friend in West Coast Park who was shocked to see me :"Eh? Siao Char Boooo.. wat u doing here? Why u not at Zouk?"
So, this is the kind of perceptions people have of moi.
All about self-concept huh...
I must take note.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Sleeping Log

Today I slept and slept and slept.. and wished I never had to wake up.
After the narrow escape from too many cute guys last night, I got on me bed somehow and I think Jackie was cleaning my face for me as I started to snore.. ehh.. no no..I dont snore ok.

I was so well imbedded into my lalaland that I woke up at two, where I cooked stupid ,full- of-msg indomie for lunch, did laundry, took shower and fell asleep again soon after.
I woke up again at 8 with a hugeeee head ache. Why cant we do away with hangovers?

....... I had a lovely dream during the looooong sleep! In my dream, a cute guy I know was a charming boy who speaks Indon. He was my neighbour in the dormitory and he asked me to be his girl friend. I was going gooey and mushy in his presence. Butterfly flips and all. It was so high school and nostalgic somewhat. We met my parents and my dad was buying us dinner when I woke up cause someone CALLED ME on the bloody phone!!!!!!!!!!!
@$#@$$32...I think it was Awil asking me what brand I want him to smuggle next week. Arghh.. his timing is so bloody impeccable................

Anyway, back to reality, the cute boy is not charming, not funny and he doesnt speak Indon and he will never ask me to go steady ( heuheue.. so juvenile that word.. go steady... iuehh)...

So... back to me wailings..

Not only I dont like clubbing anymore, I also dont like boys that much anymore. Hmm...

Today, I took the English boys for more Singapore cuisine sampling.
They were so impressed with MRT, cause London tubes are infested with rats and weirdoes. They also have spider-web like, long-winding, confusing tunnels that will really get you lost halfway choosing the right line.
They felt that they had to dress up nicely, be well showered and scrubbed to sit on the MRT.

When people asks them :" Aww.. you're all dressed up, where ya goin?"

Mike will go :" Ayee.. just goin on the train mate. MRT, ya know.."

They also have a growing fondness for Asian girls. "They are all so petite and beautiful.. It's lovely..." Tom had said.

Well.. thank you lads..

I was planning for grad trip with Jac just now. Europe will be smashing! We can fly to London to see Violet who will be doing her housemanship at a London Hospital (how cool is that? I love Dr Tang!) and Sandra who will be a contract lawyer til June. We can then go to live with Tom (f.o.c yay!). plus his house in Sussex has a pool. We can also euro-star up to Germany to see Cat and Violet can go Spain to meet her life long crush ALONSO. She can go on and on about F1 race and Alonso. She proclaimed that F1 races are more exciting than men. Give better climaxes and fuss free. Nice.

Oh oh!! before I forget... I was walking across the car park today and I realised something as I browsed at the numberings in front of the parking slots.

The number which makes the best form of ambigram is::::::

Tadaaaaaaaaa............. 69 !!!!!!!!!!!!

Upside down or not, it screams 69! 69! Arhh..
Yes yes.. how ironic is that????..........
It's not hor.. It's quite obvious. bah....
Thank Heavens for 69 by the way. Saves time.

I took time off slacking away and wrote a bit of HR project on discrimination against women and those with the wackier sexual orientation, whom I can only admire.
Interesting!

Shall sign off and get more sleep now.. Its bloody hell almost 4!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Busy Bee

I hate busy days that stretch from morning til dawn without chance of taking rests in between.
Had wine and a bottle of lovely Amarulla(thanks to Violet) before going to O bar last night.
I was wasted. But, given the high level of Endorphine stock-up, other hormonal what-nots, alcohol, sleazy RnB thumping and cute English boys, I still dashed home with Jac my babe, to stagger to my bed and konk out.
I would have been easily classified as frigid and unadventurous. But I think I am just a good girl. Or maybe It's time to rethink my sexual orientation.. hmmm...

Piles & Problems:

Paul Muthu and I got into a proper discussion during lunch yesterday. Apparently we both have problems of stupid loose tendons at the end of our digestion system. Damn those haemorrhoids.
While he needs to stuff em back in each time they hang loose (yikes), I bomb the toilet bowls with rains of red. Yikes too..
I really used to look forward to shitting. They used to be such a pleasurable past time.
Basket..
Anyway, he spoke of the new surgical invention for those patients with piles. His friend went on one and strongly suggested this.
Them doctors use this dildoe like machine that cuts the loose tendons inside the anus and staple them back straight away with biodigestable adhesives. So you just lie on those automated chair which will get your ass upturned facing doc and doc will 'anal-yse' you and then skillfully stuff the magic machine in. Quarter of hour later, you are free of piles but you wont be able to shit for one whole day. All for 400 bucks.. sounds like a bargain.. but sounds like.. ouchhh.. Dammnn...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Commendable Hospitality

Being the nice host that I am, I AM. I took two English boys around today.
Mike wanted to get a digicam in SimLim and he took 3 -4 hours to decide. Bloodeeyy hell... Tom and I called him a friggin WOMAN! We went to Queensway to look at shoes, tattoo parlour and had satays, sting ray before heading to Wala Wala to join Violet. So sad Wan wasnt playing there today.
Violet gave me a V day + advanced Bday pressie from Victoria's Secret. A nightgown. It's sooo lovely. But too bad I dun have anyone to wear it for. hahaha.. Maybe wear for myself.

The boys were complaining that they just had the most expensive pint of beer, well welcome to Singapore, you cant get a pint for 1 or 2 quids 'ere. Reckoned they aint getting pissed in Singapore then. Boo hoo hoo..

Gonna go club hopping tomorrow, thanks to Violet who's bringing a bottle of liquer and red wine fo pre-glow. Else, we (especially the blokes) wont get nowhere with pockets holed like mad.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Silly Celly zuang ke ai... Posted by Hello


In loving memory of my once-had-existed good looks which seem to have evaporated into humid air i shall post this cheeky picture, just keep meself contented again. Come to think of it, this was just few months back.. Bah! I have uglified at such a fast pace, and it's not even near menopause yet! Posted by Hello